Legend of the Red Dragon

Written by Gavin Greene

Saturday, 06 September 2008 00:00

9.06.08

Yo,

SEX

Now that I have your attention, I want to talk about sex. In Video Games. For just a bit.

While continuing my research for one of my BIG articles I've saving for when Game Partisan goes to print a few years from now (yes, years, that's how insane I am about these projects of mine), I often come across really good, unknown crap surrounding the gamer community that I just have to plug. Usually you'll find this stuff in the plugs section of my larger blogs that I have become famous for (a lot of the comments I'm getting on other sites are surrounding that topic). But sometimes these little nuggets of beauty I stumble upon are so brilliant that they beg to have their own blog strictly to themselves, to emphasize their awesomeness. Readers can also use this to take a break from the headache-inducing length of my regular posts to read these small little bits without the strain.

To get to specifics: this little treasure came across my path as I was doing some e-field research for my in-depth editorial called The Savior of Sex: How Getting Gamers Laid will Future-proof the Industry. I must point out at this point, as ridiculous as it sounds, all titles and objects deemed part of my writing projects are under the strict copyright of myself and, when published, Game Partisan and its affiliates. It sounds like I'm being anal, but I'm been screwed before, and this is how serious I take my funny little anecdotes and opinion articles. So anyway, sex. As I was going around the world wide webiverse, this article on the e-magazine The Escapist, caught my attention. Pressing the Right Buttons it was called, and its focus was on how games can involve sexual activities as more than just funny little mini-games in God of War, right up my alley as it were. In between talking about how sex could be brought down to a convincing control scheme, the author name-dropped a couple of games that showcased a certain sexual maturity that modern games could emulate, the strongest of which was the Legend of the Red Dragon.

After some initial investigation, I was extraordinarily amazed at what I saw, or...read. Its a handmade text-based adventure game, giving you an idea about the budget and specs of the project; but when something is shrunk down to a single element, in this case, it's story, it takes a lot to stand out in the waves of content, not just user-generated content, in this industry. To all fairness, L.O.R.D. is not the strongest of adventure-driven storylines, even when compared to some of the better MUD vehicles littering the web, but the real good stuff happens when you come back to the town after a goblin slaying, and successfully role a high charisma check if you catch my drift. Well, ok, I can't delay the subject in such a praise, time to drown in the drift. The fucking in this game is incredible. The making love component of this IP is stupendous. The juice-swapping in this title is magnificent. The...um....copulation in this adventure is notably and interesting. No, not in the way that leaves my keyboard keys stuck together or my pants moist, the sheer amount of time that went into this game's depiction of all sex-related aspects should be noted and commended. The entertainment medium, especially in America, has always had a hypocritical rating system that rewards violence but condemns sexuality. For something to come out with such realism in this subject almost TEN YEARS AGO is truly phenomenal, moreso when you take into account the almost childish immaturity most of the games industry has towards body-bumping.

Lemme give you the skinny: basic D&D crawler motif in a text-based format. You kill, loot, and cash in experience as normal. You get home, and you participate in sex, as wanton adventurers free from the intervention of crazed Christian abstinence-fuckers and homo-haters are wan to do. Your physical attractiveness (down to the level of how much gore is still left on you, your stench, and even how revealing your traveling gear is) plays into how much/good the laying about you can do, and you reward yourself for the most-orc-beheading of that day with the most natural thing in the world next to eating and shitting. Your strength and dexterity stats cum (get it?) into play during the act of passion, and your actions afterward (cuddling, slapping, whatever) affect the relationship you have with your conquest after the stains fade. If you were stupid, you have a chance of being stat-impeding diseased. If your dice roll correctly (or incorrectly, however you think of it), you could get a kid from this union, his growth and development may be placed solely on you, forcing you to make some tough decisions about future adventures. I didn't say this was a romanticized version of sex, did I?

I like sex. Very simple. I'm pretty sure most humans do. It is a part big enough of any life for anyone looking at a story-driven game like an RPG to crave at least a mention of coitus. I think the proper portrayal of sexual relationships could strengthen the ability for the medium to tell stories as a whole, and I will be examining this point in great detail in my aforementioned article. My self-assigned job at this point, however, is to point out cool shit for you to look at, and attempt to make at least a small point in the process. Check out Legend of the Red Dragon if you want, I recommend it. I did play a past version, so I cannot say you'll get the exact experience I did with the updates involved, but I can say that it will definitely take you places other games haven't. Happy mating, all.

Plugs

- As always, check out my best friend for-longer-than-forever, Bennett the Sage's, pad on Youtube at his new contributing position at thatguywiththeglasses.com or alongside myself on Gamepartisan

- Have no bloody idea who to vote for? Think that the media coverage is complete bullocks, with not enough focus on the actual issues rather than who wears the most flag pins on their lapels? Congratulations, you have a brain. I found a site that boils candidates down to their stances on the issues, based on previous speeches and the like. Go here and be enlightened, my political brothers and sisters!

- All kids that grew up with 1990s Nickelodeon rejoice! The big bastards at the Viacom headed children's network are finally releasing DVDs of some of their greatest shows, including Doug, Rocko's Modern Life, and Hey Arnold! Check them out here, here, and here.

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