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The nominees have been chosen, as have our VP candidates, however laughable they may be. (I'm looking at you, Palin). And now is the time where all the questions are starting to fly. Abortion, the war in Iraq, equal pay for equal work, who shot J.R., these are the questions everyone is asking. True they are important issues, all, but nobody is asking the most important question of all? WHAT IS THIS NATION DOING TO PREPARE US FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?! I do not ask this question in jest, America! The ever present Undead Menace looms over us like a shadow, threatening to consume us, both figuratively and literally! Our next president be prepared to tackle this tough, hard issue. As your typical white upper-lower-middle class male, the one thing that I fear for more than anything else, is the future and security of our children, of our nation's future? You want to know what they are doing for education? I only want to know one thing! Will The Zombie Survival Guide be required reading in our nation's schools? Will our children be getting the knowledge and skills they will need to survive once the Hungry Dead have overthrown our puny society. Instead of Trigonometry and English Lit, our children should be learning First Aid, proper firearm maintenance, and how to tell when your mother has become one of the Evil Dead. What's that? National Budget? Taxes? I'll tell you what we should be asking: How much of our military budget, of our tax dollars, is going to train our troops to defend us from the Zombie Nightmare? When the Dawn of the Dead falls upon us, can we depend on our brave men and women in the military to stave off the zombie horde? Or at least put up a good fight? Ask the tough questions, America!!! We cannot trust that a lone hero will rise with a chainsaw on one hand, and a Fistful of Boomstick in the other!!!! Bruce campbell is too damn old!!! He cannot save us now!! Health Care? Affordable hospitals and medical care? BAH! Can I trust that I will be put down should I become one of The Horde? When The Hunger falls upon me, can I trust, that some compassionate soul will put a bullet in my undead head? What about our Morgues? Can we trust that immediate cremation will become the standard procedure when someone dies in our hospitals? What about Foreign Policy? Will we do anything to help our world neighbors when the Army of Darkness (dear god, I hope SOMEONE is getting this running joke) falls upon our neighbors in England, China and (god help us) Russia, will we do anything to help? Will they help us? Or have we screwed the pooch so badly in Iraq and Afghanistan that the world will simply say "good riddance", and leave us to the Army of the Dead? These are the questions we must be asking, America! We must know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, what our President, the leader of our free world, is doing to prepare us for the Zombie Menace! Do not be sheep, America! Make our Nation ready!!
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