The Wolf Blood Lineage Part II
Written by Bennett The Sage Tuesday, 11 January 2011 21:44
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Comments (63)
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01.12.2011 - 00:14 | secretsheik
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01.12.2011 - 21:29 | jabraille
AND extreme squick fetish porn.
The fact that someone PUT THESE WORDS TOGETHER, whether as a troll or seriously, is enough to make me want to climb into the Internet Happy Box.
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01.12.2011 - 00:23 | TheDued92
The hole time I was watching it my thoughts was...burn it...burn it so nobody reads it again.
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01.12.2011 - 00:44 | Crossover Princess
I know I shouldn't logic into this, but does the writer know the difference of Whore Houses and Strip Clubs? Because it seems like the writer think a strip club is called a whore house...
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01.12.2011 - 00:53 | blackrobedroyal
How can I laugh so hard and hurt so bad at the same time?
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01.12.2011 - 00:57 | JohniBoiI only have one problem with this, and that's that you don't update it often enough. I'd like to not have to wait months at a time for my favorite segment, but whatever. Anyway, great episode.
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It's not, by ANY means the worst I've ever read or heard read, as Sage has obviously demonstrated, but it's not good by ANY sense of the word, either. Indifference, I suppose I'm reduced to this time. I don't really know.
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01.12.2011 - 02:02 | LikaLaruku
A porno theme intro, cheap cigar, a fez, lensless glasses frames, gaudy robe, & a frosty mug of beer would really set the mood. & if you have Benzaie record himself reading the dialogue & edit it into your videos while you narrate, it would be too funny.
Nooo...Snape is not Pedobear! ;_;
Finest quotes:
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*Let the groovy wave take you with the marshmallows.
*Foxy was pregnant with preoccupation.
*The ghost asked "Do you want to make sex to me?"
*Foxy slaps Myrtle's face with a thousand pounds of blow.
*We need Dumbledore's permission to travel to NASA to destroy Halley's commit.
*Myrtla is almost puking with joy & satisfaction.
This ain't no fanfic. Everyone is so out of character, it can only be a haterfic written by a hardcore Twilight fan. I know it's cruel to make fun of this fanfic publicly, but the writer was very disrespectful to Rowling's characters.
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Normally I would take serious issue with a program dedicated to making fun of fiction that was created without the seeking of profit: fanfic, webcomics, and the like. I normally consider insulting reviews of things like these to be little better than bullying or trolling.
In instances like the fanfic Sage picks for this series, however, I grant a degree of understanding since Lika is right - these stories that he chooses are normally terribly offensive and disrespectful to the source material.
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01.12.2011 - 02:32 | MichaelDj54*Insert face melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark here* SWEET JESUS WHAT.
"IT'S A PERNIS!" Will have me laughing until the day I fucking DIE.
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01.12.2011 - 03:50 | Deimos1984rd
God almighty, What is wrong with these people?
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I can't decide if this is the best thing ever or an unholy abomination who's creator should be hunted down and burned at the stake for.
Maybe I would know if my brain were still functioning...
Seriously, at about the half hour mark parts of this...collection of words, degenerated into such epic levels of lunacy my mind could no longer keep the verious stupid things straight.
Still, if this were made into a movie it could generate the best MST3K episode ever.
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My German senses are tingeling !
That Nazi is the most offensive thing I've ever seen !
It hurts me that the only thing people on "teh interwebs" know about us is: "Germans are Nazis. Period."
:(
Where shall I begin ?
1.His name is Kruspe Lindemann Schneider ...
Kruspe, Lindemann and Schneider are all members from "Rammstein", probably the only thing the author knew about Germany.
2. Kruspe is not a first name either. It sounds awful. That's like having "Smith" as a first name.
3. THE BIGGEST MISTAKE:
The author said: he escaped from the bombing of Berlin. That was in 1945, when the third Reich was finally over. But this (abomination of a ) story plays in our days, since cellphones, "Bazookazz" and helicopters exist.
So this Nazi must be over 70 years old !!!
DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE YOU WRITE AWFUL FANFICTION !!!
And why would "Foxxy" want to go to the NASA ?
She is supposed to be british, as a European myself, I would go to ESA ( European Space Agency ) in Paris first, since it's faster and not so far away, then they can call NASA for me.
Also: Zombie-McGonagall casting Meteor.
WHAT ?!
( Funny fact for you. I was watching the episode yesterday on blip. When this cousin CJ showed up, you said "The universe imploded." In exactly this moment my laptop crashed and gave me a blue-screen.
Even my laptop couldn't handle this )
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01.12.2011 - 14:25 | CageAquarium"The author said: he escaped from the bombing of Berlin. That was in 1945, when the third Reich was finally over. But this (abomination of a ) story plays in our days, since cellphones, "Bazookazz" and helicopters exist.
So this Nazi must be over 70 years old !!!"
To be fair, in the fanfic they do mention that he was a mutant or experimented on which, I suppose, could account for his not aging or just standing up from having his neck broken the first time. Still, the fic did a bad job of saying as much, outside of mentioning his backstory and name in a single paragraph.
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01.12.2011 - 06:16 | Sl0th
I... I think I'm gonna need a minute here.
Did I just listen to all of that? More importantly, what did I just listen to? There were a lot of words there, but I'm not sure how many of them fit together into cogent sentences. It was like... The author found a thesaurus and started replacing words at random with synonyms that just barely made sense.
And then there's the story itself. My God. Is someone writing something this wretched enough to have someone committed? Cause if so, someone needs to start working on the paperwork. Immediately. I'm... I'm gonna be over there. Hoping the pain stops at some point.
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01.12.2011 - 06:40 | NeverpleasedI am getting a vision of a moron slapping his head against a keyboard....
That person is writing a better story than the one featured today.
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01.12.2011 - 08:21 | Tyro
I listen it all the way through and I have still no idea what I just listen to......
I think i burst a vein in my eye when he read aloud that it (since a human couldn't have written this) wanted to make a art contest for characters and wanted to publish this shit
Sweaty hands = Lupus?! Did this idiot actually know what Lupus is?!
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That may or may not actually be a bit of decent writing, there. About the Lupus excuse, I mean. They WERE trying to think of a half-assed excuse off the top of their head, and you COULD take it comedically... And, of course, it's NEVER Lupus, as we all know. :P
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01.12.2011 - 09:30 | paprikacha
When I saw that the Sage went back for more, I kinda just yelled 'Why' for about five minutes straight.
I can't tell if this is a troll, someone who's never read the books and doesn't speak English on a regular basis, or the harbinger of the end of Fanfiction.net. Just the combinations of words that should never go together, and the complete disregard for anything canon...I refuse to believe this isn't a troll. You have to TRY to fail this hard. It can't be possible sans extreme effort.
Right?
...right? T_T
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01.12.2011 - 10:15 | mogofwar87
I just want when the fanfiction ends for some one to pop out and be like THE ARITOCRATS lol XD
but btw sage harry potter did have nazi diden't you see the last movie lol
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01.12.2011 - 11:22 | clayangel
Yay, you posted! :D I'm sure it was RL getting in the way, but I was actually starting to worry that something had happened to you since you were so late with this. ^_^ I'm glad to see you're okay. Now to dig into what's sure to be an affront to all my senses....
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01.12.2011 - 12:02 | Doresh
Oh, come on! Everyone knows our Nazi super soldiers were created in a lab in the Alps!
So... are they ever going to explain what a Mecha-Wolf actually IS? Why a wolf? And why "Mecha"? WHY?!
And this is the very first fanfic that managed to blue-screen my PC. Well, at least it had Yuri...
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01.12.2011 - 13:51 | e33lafD: This fic has Neville Longbottom giving Professor McGonagal a lapdance while wearing a leopard print loincloth...I think I need to go lie down now.
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This bitch can't be serious, right? How did the author's brain not MELT as she wrote this cluster fuck? It's funny too, because even though these fanfiction authors try and be all "original" in their writing (even though they are ripping off the original author) why do ALL bad fanfictions with a female protagonist go by these guidelines: 1) Everyone and everything wants to bang the main protagonist, 2) The main protagonist is always a scantily clad whore/bitch who just so happens to be boy crazy, and 3)The main protagonist lacks an ounce of intelligence and finds sex to be a better alternative than dealing with a "crisis." Are the authors trying to live their fantasies through these characters? If so, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a huge rise in prostitution in the near future.
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01.12.2011 - 14:11 | MichaelDj54Know what's funny? The authors a male. Implications, AHOY!
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01.12.2011 - 14:34 | gaaralee1234
'You know I'm surprised to get this far along and only now encounter futanari'
I laughed so hard because it's so true.
But uh, yeah this was horibufuckus and AGAIN I don't think I'll ever be the same. Master piece fanfic theatre NEVER seizes to amaze me.
I almost vomited when the image of McGonagall stripping passed through my head.
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01.12.2011 - 14:05 | RelienaI like how rape is never taken seriously either in any story like this, like a big slap to the fucking face of anyone who has ever had that happen to them. It's just thrown in there cause... well... it's rape! That will make my story serious and compelling, right!? It's just like, "Oh no! It's a bummer you were totally raped moments ago." "Oh, that's okay! It's totally over now and we have to get moving along to the next mind fuck plot point, so I'm sure I won't suffer from any emotional scaring!" "Cool! Group hug!"
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01.12.2011 - 14:12 | Katharina
Where are these character designs she speaks of? D:
Must see!
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01.12.2011 - 17:11 | TheLameGamerWait, Carl Johnson. The guy from GTA: San Andreas?
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01.12.2011 - 18:28 | Thatdudewithagundam
this is crazy, i can handle My Immortal. but this, this fanfic, is un fucking believeable. i cant even finish this video (at the 18 min mark). i salute you Sage, you are god at surviving this
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01.12.2011 - 18:31 | Mr.Anderssson
At about the ten minute mark I said to myself, "OH MY GOD HOW CAN THERE BE MORE?!" After that I just had to stop listening.
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01.12.2011 - 18:52 | Shadowdancer21b
I couldn't finish this. The assault on English was too much for me to endure. I'm sorry Benneett. Wait, I mean, dammit....
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01.12.2011 - 19:01 | Leonca
Holy guacamole, it’s like someone wrote a bad fan fiction, put it through several different languages in Google Translator, and then translated it back to English! I sometimes do that with my poems with hilarious results.
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...Gilgamesh?! Oh, why, why why....