They need to make all these Fan Fictions into movies, all narrated by Christopher Walken and acted by Tommy Wiso.
Stuttering Into Silence and Running the Gambit
Written by Bennett The Sage Monday, 25 October 2010 23:02
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Comments (59)
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10.25.2010 - 23:50 | TheDued92
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10.26.2010 - 01:27 | InsertDeathKnightNameHere
Or Morgan Freeman.
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10.26.2010 - 08:54 | TheDued92That would be good, but Christopher Walken has more of a weird sound.
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10.26.2010 - 10:52 | Divide By Zero
My vote goes to Christopher Lee.
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10.26.2010 - 19:39 | PunkWhatNow
FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why do I have this ability to envision things being described to me!? WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Now I'm gonna be scarred for life...
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10.26.2010 - 20:22 | whatever42
I would personally like to add Sean Connery to this list of actors. You all know it would probably work.
Anyway, good for you Sage. You survived through a twofer of bad stories. They may have been short, but gosh were they bad. Especially the second one because it was akin to all the badness of My Immortal compressed into a thankfully much smaller story. In fact, are we sure that wasn't the same writer under a different name?
And of course, happy birthday Sage! You sure picked an odd way to spend it, but I wish you the best.
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10.27.2010 - 05:23 | DeltoraI say they could take turns, throw Brian Blessed in there too and you have a nergasmic line-up of narrators.
...Bullets bounce off my super sexy...
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10.26.2010 - 17:50 | gaaralee1234
"So the doc finally tells the gal what happened and apparently this alien felleh had her jerk him, you know, slide the salami, stroke the love stick."
"YOU...YOU....YOU........ ..ARE TEARING.......YOU....YOU ARE TEARING MY DICK APAAAAART!"
Like this?
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10.26.2010 - 00:10 | ChekkenI absolutely LOVE this series! I don't know how you tolerate these stories without puking. But I suspect there's worse out there.
Out of curiosity...have you heard of Peter Chimaera, or Darksephiroth25?
And before I forget: Happy 21st, Sage!
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10.26.2010 - 01:13 | TheEnemyYouKilled
Happy birthday Sage.
Masterpiece Fanfic Theatre is amazing. The little captions and the way you read those awful fics always makes my day just that little bit better. I don't know how manage it, but you, sir, are epic.
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10.26.2010 - 01:22 | TheDramaticMonarch
It still amazes me that you can get through so many of these "stories" with a straight face, especially when it came to "Running the Gambit".
If it wasn't the arm wrestling Canadian polar bears that did me in, then the head exploding semen surely would have done the job. Such a tough life being Canadian. :-P
A nice, short and sweet (well, if you could call it that) edition of "Masterpiece Fanfic Theatre". Now I must train for that moose jousting match.
Happy Birthday Sage!
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10.26.2010 - 01:28 | Deimos1984rd
Wow...just...I don't even...
anyway, happy 21st Sage
I need a drink...
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10.26.2010 - 01:57 | DMasterEr...yeah, happy 21st, Bennett, welcome to this side of the fence...
You are among the bravest people I have ever seen. I seriously mean that.
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10.26.2010 - 02:09 | TBTabbyWhat's worse: teenybopper fangirls trying to be romantic, or teenybopper fangirls trying to be funny?
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10.26.2010 - 02:11 | MetalMike007My... God...
That second "Running the Gambit" story is the greatest thing I have ever heard. If Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, and John Wayne flew down from Heaven to Earth in a magic spaceship and then wrote a short story while killing velociraptors and great white sharks with their bare hands and while having sex with every woman who ever existed at the same time, that story would not be better than that one.
Happy 21st, my man.
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10.26.2010 - 02:19 | LordNiftyBennett should read that screenplay Spoony mentioned writing during his commentary for his "Mazes & Monsters" video.
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10.26.2010 - 02:20 | Cornwind EvilmanThat first story seemed like a fairly normal slash story, and the second one, I'm pretty sure, was a stealth parody ala My Immortal. Not really sure if they should have been featured, but hey, your show Sage.
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10.26.2010 - 02:38 | Cup0fDOOM
I honestly think that there should be a documentary filmed about crazy fangirl fanfic writers, and it should be narrated by Morgan Freeman. Starring Ke$ha as a anime addicted crack whore. Merry 21st Bithdaymas
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10.26.2010 - 05:13 | nckjq~That last one HAD to be a trollfic.
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10.26.2010 - 06:26 | projoe719srise
I belive we all know of bullets bouncing off of you affter all, you said it yourself, your diet sexy! http://kartilla- fralph.deviantart.com/ art/Diet-Sexy-171623083? q=boost% 3Apopular+bennett+the+sag e&qo=44
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10.26.2010 - 06:56 | SexyStrife
That second one was hysterical. Loved it :D
Happy 21st, Sage!
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10.26.2010 - 07:36 | moonloon
Uhg, the Doctor Who fic.
There is something altogether more disturbing about a bad fanfic for a show I'm actually a huge fan of.
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10.26.2010 - 08:21 | Inara Harame
*titters* The X-men one was just BAD. Can't *wheeze* stop laughing! Oh, and happy birthday.
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10.26.2010 - 08:52 | AdventChild
Holy crap that last one was just too funny for words! It should have been appropriately titled Gambit: The Sexy Mutant Supreme, but that's just me.
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10.26.2010 - 10:02 | Angelic Plague
Was anyone else waiting for the phrase "and the pants were dead" to pop up in the Gambit story?
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10.26.2010 - 10:26 | Crossover Princess
What's a Polo Bear? Is a bear that plays polo? And why would they would want to arm wrestle? That makes no sense!
Happy Birthday by the way!
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10.26.2010 - 10:51 | Expression Face
Oh, man!
I was already giggling from the Doctor Who fic but the X-men was so funny I could barely breathe! Who knew that being super-sexy was that lethal?
Happy 21st Sage!
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10.26.2010 - 12:05 | Divide By ZeroHappy Birthday Bennett!!
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My lungs ache from laughing.
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10.26.2010 - 11:28 | ThatGuyWithTheSaxophoneHappy Birthday, Sage!!!!!!! *parties*
the second fic - it hurt...
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Gods, that first one was PAINFUL to listen to (even with the artful reading). So Much Awkward...
The second... ClairWulf sure put the 'b' in 'subtle'. I'm seriously calling TROLL on this one, if only because I'm too terrified to imagine a writer who is sincerely that bad. (Also, Gambit = mutant Chuck Norris whut???)
Happy Belated Birthday, Bennett! As ever, I await in horrified excitement for the next installment of MFT.
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10.26.2010 - 13:00 | frozencookie
Happy birthday!
Well, sexy Gambit killing and exploding things. I laughed so hard at the part" but he didn't because he was too manly to cry". That was so hilarious!
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10.26.2010 - 14:11 | IntFam
Wait....wait....WAIT!
...Sage is only 21? Jesus. Now I feel a bit old...
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10.26.2010 - 14:15 | Blotto
I wish I could deflect bullets with my sexy..My sexy level sucks.
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10.26.2010 - 15:12 | BioRage1920Oh No...Please NO! GOD NO! I...I can't go through with this.
I can sit through My Immortal and that weird one with the Velociraptor and don't get me started on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Gargoyles one.
But THIS? No...NO...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !
I love the Doctor too much to go on.
Mental-Breakdown Aside: Happy Birthday!
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10.27.2010 - 07:14 | Divide By ZeroYou're missing something special in the second part. Highly recommended.
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10.26.2010 - 15:46 | sudipal
Special thanks to you as well, Sage. And happy birthday!
Although, honestly, I'm just waiting for the day you happen to read out one of my crappy fics... and believe me, I have plenty of them.
Always fun to watch; keep up the good work (as others keep up their awful work).
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10.26.2010 - 20:20 | Orastella
Happy 21st Birthday, Bennett!
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