Cloud Mows The Lawn
Written by Bennett The Sage Tuesday, 25 May 2010 21:42
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Comments (277)
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05.25.2010 - 22:10 | Dragoniangirl
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if you thought this was bad on a visceral level, he should try reading Sonichu fan fic/web comic. That shit nut punches you in the fucking soul :X
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06.11.2010 - 18:04 | Dio212
Good god man, That is like getting raped in the brain.I both read it and saw the godawful audiobooks. You would unleash such a horror upon these poor souls? Damn, you got balls.
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01.07.2011 - 19:23 | robokill387the audiobooks aren't so bad when you factor in the material they're working with.
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05.25.2010 - 22:10 | pharmmajor
Dear lord... never has a story made me want to vomit so much since I read "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs". Honestly, who would write something like this?!
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05.27.2010 - 16:17 | QuestionTheMajority
I'm happy to know I wasn't the only person making that connection.
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05.25.2010 - 22:25 | Simian Radio[i]"...her gorgeous bowels..."[/i]
Yeah, that line was when I started laughing hysterically. Who...just who writes that? Who THINKS that a bowel can be gorgeous?!
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05.26.2010 - 18:59 | e33lafI don't even know how you would be able to tell if someones bowels are gorgeous, considering that they're internal organs and can't be seen outside the body.
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05.25.2010 - 22:34 | ThatGuyInTheHeadband
Who is turned on by this! This is horrible! Why! :X
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05.27.2010 - 00:05 | PvtMadness
The guy who wrote this debacle, obviously. I think there is a word for this kind of thing, but it escapes me at this time. And I agree: WHY?
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05.25.2010 - 22:36 | Nyar
So... many... poo!
After listening to this story Saló is like a fairy tale for little children... well no, its still perverted and sadistic but not as disgusting in comparation.
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05.26.2010 - 02:28 | LimecatNo, Salo is still worse. Much worse. In this one, they both enjoy it. It was forced in Salo.
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05.26.2010 - 08:42 | NyarFor me the fact that someone enjoys this is what makes it so disgusting. At least the kids in Saló did it because they had no other choice. This people take plesure in eating crap!
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05.25.2010 - 22:39 | LogamanEhh.
After My Immortal I think I've become quite desensitized to fanfics. Now every time I hear that beginning piece of music, ( The name escapes me) I think of that fic.
This is disgusting true, extremely disgusting, but that's all it is. No substance of terribleness when compared to my immortal.
It actually haunts me.
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The music is from the first movement of Vivaldi's Winter Suite. It caught my ear when The Sage aired his first fan-fic review. The day that many an unsuspecting viewers innocence crawled into a hole and died.
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05.25.2010 - 22:45 | takineko
Ok I thought I could handle that but there was just too much DO NOT WANT
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05.25.2010 - 22:52 | WilwarinWTF?!
:0
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05.25.2010 - 23:01 | D.W.A.P.
:cheer: This is one of the few fanfics i've read on my own all the way through. :0 Didnt know there were other chapters though.
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05.25.2010 - 22:58 | heatherwright24
@ ThatGuyInTheHeadband it goes along with rule 34...if it exists, there's a fetish for it
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05.25.2010 - 23:12 | D.W.A.P.I fact checked it's rule 41.
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05.26.2010 - 00:47 | lordioYou are most correct.
In fact, the version I have reads thus: "41: No matter what it is, it is someone's fetish. No exceptions."
Beware rule 51, however. "There will always be more fucked up shit than what you just saw."
OT: I'm mostly desensitized to this sort of thing (evidently, though I couldn't say for sure why).
I raised an eyebrow the first time Tifa decided a floor is fine too, but after that, I just resigned myself to the fact that this was the theme.
Interesting that you're pulling from AFF.net now. Leave it to people writing fap-fic to mostly ignore any sort of story or other interesting premise.
Getting curious what you're going to do with that laughter.
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08.20.2010 - 12:56 | theSnark
For example: Shitting dick nipples, and demonic phallus monster shitting dick nipples. :sick:
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05.26.2010 - 12:25 | Lotus Prince
Naw, rule 34 is "there is porn of it."
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09.26.2010 - 14:45 | ToonNinja
Don't forget #34.5: If there isn't porn of it, there will be. :scared: Hell, Internet rules have come into play a LOT more than I thought they ever would. When I watched Silence of the Lambs, there was a little voice in the back of my head talking about #63.
...Oh, and regarding the fanfic itself... WHAT THE FLYING FUCK [size=large]WAS[/size] THAT? :flame: o_O =O :scared: :angry: :dizzy: T_T
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05.25.2010 - 23:12 | Paranormal Rob
What was that? The Final Fantasy version of The Aristocrats?
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05.25.2010 - 23:15 | The GravekeeperGross, but I've scarred my poor lil' brain with far worse by now. At least no one gets seriously injured (or killed) with this particular fetish as unsanitary as it is. Seriously, if you eat feces you're probably going to wind up with a whopping case of e-coli.
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05.25.2010 - 23:38 | MichaelDj54....*Snrk*....*Chuckle*.. ..*Uproarious laughter*
....I read this story before. I was hoping you would.
OH...Oh god...the Baby Ruth...the Nightmare...you sick bastard....
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05.25.2010 - 23:17 | DJJ66It's official... FFVII fans are deranged.
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05.26.2010 - 01:19 | Asuka Soryu
Yes, because one person who liked FF7 is sick minded, everyone who likes FF7 must be sick minded. You sir, are a genius. (drops Sarcasam anvil on you)
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05.26.2010 - 19:40 | Cyborcat
Every single fandom there is has its share of sickos.
Frankly, this didn't scar me as much as the mental image of a guy going down on a cat (Artemis's Lover, which was a Sailor Moon fic, BTW), probably because that was an honest attempt at erotica *shudder* where this was most likely a troll fic.
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05.25.2010 - 23:18 | ginikuMy thoughts when I first saw this on the front page? "OH NO DON'T DO IT! D: " I made that face and everything.
Thanks for making it funny.
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05.25.2010 - 23:25 | Stray
It could be worse... Could end up like My Immortal or something...
Course this is has the potential to be
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...Honestly, this wasn't [i]that[/i] bad. I found myself just going "...Dude...No." At the most. Huh, I guess Celebrian did prepare me for such things. Despite it being y'know a troll fic, Celebrian.
[i]...Cloud guided his dick toward her anus and the shit that hung from it.[/i]
...Waaat x'DDD
[i]Tifa farted again, and Cloud felt a pleasant breeze on his member. [/i]
Pfffft.
Okay I lied, the shit eating made me gag a little. I have to draw the line there. Oh god Baby Ruth...But everything else was...still bad but it wasn't like "ZOMG IM GONNA DIIIIIIE."
...Girl-poo?
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05.25.2010 - 23:34 | Serenity Frost
Okay, that one shot of you slowly eating a Baby Ruth actually made me fall on the floor laughing. I'm not kidding; I fell out of my chair. It drew attention to my room and people came in to see what I was laughing about. Suffice to say my mother will never look at me the same again. Thanks, Sage!
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05.25.2010 - 23:31 | Phoenixangelgal
I made it halfway before I had to stop.
God, it's like 2 girls in 1 cup... ugh...
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05.25.2010 - 23:34 | docpye
OH man, I just could not stop laughing through all of this.
Best MFFT yet.
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05.25.2010 - 23:36 | Ashariel
*fart*
*giggle*
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05.25.2010 - 23:41 | sardnsomg this is freaking hysterical. I feel sorry for the poor soul who is/has/will have sex with the sick fuck of an author with a poo fetish (that is assuming the author CAN get someone to have sex with him/her)
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05.25.2010 - 23:44 | afromanfloundersHuh, didn't realize it until you started eating the Babe Ruth, but I was eating chedder popcorn the whole time I was watching this...
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05.25.2010 - 23:49 | NasikomanIt will never last. Cloud will leave her at age 45 for a sweet young thing with a colostomy bag. For the record, I made it to 14 min 01 sec and refuse to go any further. *gags*
Oh, and I don't remember too much of it but I don't recall any scene from My Immortal which is anywhere near as brain-bleachingly awful as this.
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[quote=Nasikoman]It will never last. Cloud will leave her at age 45 for a sweet young thing with a colostomy bag. For the record, I made it to 14 min 01 sec and refuse to go any further. *gags*
Oh, and I don't remember too much of it but I don't recall any scene from My Immortal which is anywhere near as brain-bleachingly awful as this.[/quote]
That's because My Immortal has the power to stop your thought process.
Funny review though. I wasn't too grossed out, but I rarely ever am.
Edit: Wait this wasn't a review... what should I call it? A funny read?
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05.25.2010 - 23:51 | TheNerdette
Why... just... WHY.
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I will never look at Baby Ruths the same way again.