My Immortal Part I

(195 votes, average 4.87 out of 5)
Comments (368)
  • pharmmajor
    You know, even before I read this thing, I heard about it and assumed it had to be a troll fic like what squirrelking writes. Because no one could be that incompetent and write such a horrendous work.

    ... okay, maybe Glenn Beck and Al Franken could.
  • 0dd1
    I once wasted two whole nights reading the entire thing. It nearly broke my brain.
    The TV Tropes page for it helped ease the pain, though ^_^
    (it still wasn't enough to remove the almost made me turn goffick)
  • Lan
    Print out a copy, I plan to. If any child starts going goth, reading this will snap them out of it faster than anything.
  • PlayMp1
    The worst part is that she isn't even goth, she's the modern definition of emo. Goth kids were an 80s phenomenon - my mom was one. They liked Depeche Mode, The Cure and New Order, not shitty wannabe pop-punk.

    I've been a metal fan for a little while (I'm young, so I have no comparison to people who've been in the genre since the beginnings), but every time she dipped back into describing how "fucking goffic" she is, I wanted to shove a marching snare drum stick (the big ones!) through her eye. Maybe a cocktail of Death, Atheist, Bolt Thrower and Morbid Angel would convince how far even the most conventional of extreme music can go.
  • ladydiskette
    Ugh, I know goths who can write better stories than this....just reading the first page of this failfic and I can tell right away she is just nothing but a poser and pretends to be goth because 'hey its the internet who is going to know' the comments and A/N (Author's Notes) are pretty funny to read however.
  • LikaLaruku  - Confirmed Troll Fic as of 2012.
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    An adult man named Todd Gilesbie claims to be the author & that Tara is a character author, like Lemony Snicket. The girls on youtube could be separate trolls trying to cash in on the joke, or Todd put them up to it.

    After spending what felt like 2 hours reading the Tropes page for My Immortal, I'm convinced with 0% doubt that it's a troll fic, even without Todd's confession. A hilariously clever one that used every "how NOT to write" point, every goth cliche, & every single Mary Sue trait in the book, then created its own.

    If this fic was a CGI movie, it would be The Amazing Bulk, but with a script by the guys who made Disaster Movie, or Adam Sandler pretending to be a hypersexualized dyslexic 11 year old yaoi fangirl from Dubai who's parents let her watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer instead of cartoons. The author is clearly mocking every single thing she claims to be a fan of.

    Yeah, that's the supposed backstory for the author. A tough pill to swallow. Tara is just a fictional character made as a mocked personification of teenaged zealot fans.
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
  • Spritle101  - Agree about the author being a troll.
    Tara claims to be Dyslexic. Real Dyslexics tend to use the correct letters & scramble them as well as scramble the order the words go in, they also misspell the word the same way every time. This story's text is misspelt intentionally.

    Tara is also the textbook definition of a "poser" & is clearly mocking everything she claims to be a fan of. She also says she hates Hillary Duff, but let it slip that she watches her movies.

    I also find it hard to believe that a person like Tara could actually read Lord of the Rings.
  • Smarty
    ...This is the worst fanfic. seriously.
  • The Z
    My braincell count dropped. I'm dead fucking serious.
  • FriendlyLocalFangirl
    That's exactly what I just thought.
    It kind of makes me ashamed that I wear some clothes like that and that I'm a mild fangirl.

  • carnage81
    Lol right there with you man, mine dropped cause after I heard this I had to bang my head against the wall repeatedly until i forgot all about this story.
  • veggen
    It's popular all over the web as the worst fanfic in existence, so... duh.
  • wargamer
    Sorry Sage, I couldn't listen to the end of the episode. It was just two bad!
  • Ender
    Lawl "two bad".
  • glu
    Don't laugh, such is the effect of my immortal!
  • ladydiskette
    As sad as it is, I actually hope this was a troll fic, and that he wrote this fic badly on purpose.

    Because just the thought of anyone actually writing this so recklessly and with no thought into it is painful to imagine.
  • SomeGuyWithShades
    This fan-fic would only be good if you were extremely drunk, high on every drug known to man and retarded all at the same time. If your not all these things you get a brain tumor...and 3 STDs
  • The Goth
    I'm sorry to announce that before I departed from the public highschool to never return again, I knew two girls who thought that this fanfiction was good and "romantic". Then again, these two girls were also fans of brokeNCYDE and the entire Twilight series. See a connection?

    No, I'm not making a joke. I know they were serious (I grew up with them, after all, but kind of stopped being friends after they went down the wall-licking dumb path)

    Oh, and that line from Dumbledore combined with the picture made me laugh harder than anything has in a while. Although this whole fanfic is full of out of place lines, this is, like, equal to "You're the man now, dog!" from Sean Connery or "I was fro-zen to-day!" from Christopher Lloyd.
  • FriendlyLocalFangirl
    Could you imagine a drinking game or something with this fic?
    Every time there's a cliche or spelling mistake take a hit.

    No one would survive.
  • webcoroma  - my immortal drinking game
    sadly, there is one. :( I wish I was kidding.
  • Sean Strife
    TVTropes made a drinking game. One of the people that played it literally ran out of alcohol after a few chapters into this pile of shit.
  • KingKaor555
    So, basically what you're saying is that this would only be good if you were L. Ron Hubbard?
  • Epsilon
    'I felt a little depressed then, so I slit my wrists'

    That has to be the best line in the story which I can fully relate to after hearing even a little bit of this story
  • FriendlyLocalFangirl
    I love how it was just in passing.
    It's like saying
    "I ate breakfast, my toast was burned to I cut my wrists and got on the bus"
  • Freeland
    That was glorious. Author notes were the best part.
  • joey_falconetti
    sage amy lee is the hottest woman ever, it's just a fact.

    anyway sage is fun
  • FingerBang
    I have no idea how you manage to read the author's notes so well without actually going insane. I would love to see the outtakes.

    Did Tara Gilesbie actually attend school at all?
  • theSnark
    If she did, her teachers must have given up on her.
  • pharmmajor
    I know there was a livejournal which had the TGWTG crew (including Suede!) doing an MST3K style riff of "My Immortal", unfortunately I don't remember the link.
  • krolin
    i... i died a little inside, this is the most vile piece of shit ever written
  • Arebe
    Aha..ahaha..hahahaaaaaaa. ..

    Sorry, that only happens when I hear horrible spelling, coupled with more then fairly bad excuses for being a bad writer.

    My favorite parts were where the author had to tell people to stop retorting to her piece (shit), after each chapter, as the reasons she were providing were never explained in the story.
  • dazza1008
    :0 My God - I can't believe you read that. It's much worse to read than it is to hear.
  • eviljim
    I like the fact that she still had time to dress like a hot topic whore mannequin(also doesn't Hogwarts have a dress code), even after her boyfriend killed himself and I thought the whole detailed dressing and makeup scenes were hilarious like Gothic fashion tips. Keep up the good work.
  • Sakebutori  - Wow
    It's... (ellipses) so bad. I can't believe it o_o

    I can't see how it would be even readable without the author's spell-checking friend, seeing how the "author's comments" are.

    I'd say the worst part of this is probably irrational categorizing. How can you mix MCR and Good Charlotte with Goths. How can you mix Goths with Satanists?

    And most importantly, how the hell do you add Slipknot to this scheme?!

    Still, listening to you spew this horrible crap out of your mouth gave me a couple good laughs, mostly because I couldn't believe myself, sitting behind the screen watching it, but also the cracking comments.

    Should I say 'thanks'? I doubt it. Merry Christmas anyway, Sage.
  • Quidam
    You are very, very, very brave Sage. I have only read the first few chapters and I just can't stomach it. Its too bad! Especially for someone who is an English major, it makes me cry.

    I had a friend who read the whole thing and I think he brain started to melt.
  • zel
    ah, my immortal. a classic work of modern literature!

    ... i feel bad for you, sage D:
    you can't deny the hilarity though.
  • MiriamG
    I've actually read this abomination in its entirety. I'm not sure why. My brain hated me afterwards. Listening to you read it is a lot more entertaining and less painful.
  • wuza
    O.o im going to need brain bleach

    also gothic hogwarts??!! why??! WHY!
    auuuuuuuuugggggggggg the pain
  • Altoman5

    Oh no. I can't believe that I actually made it through. This one was pretty bad. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to learn the alphabet again.

  • Velocirapscallion
    As you read this I slowly started to die inside and I think I lost my mind. I've not heard of this before, this is so gut wrenchingly awful. How did you read this without going inside?

    Wait, didn't she put cross earrings in. Wouldn't that kill her?
  • benzaie
    I Lol'd a lot... Good thing I didn't check it before...because it seems Sage's reading is the only way to make it bearable (kinda like Spoony and Red Brown movies)
  • Yosswell
    "Reb", Benzaie. But you have a valid point.
  • theSnark
    Oh no! The bad speling is spreding! :scared:
  • Argerorlux
    I cannot belive how you can take so much pain, dear Sage ...

    Please God, give Bennet the Sage the power to survive this abomination of a fanfic ...

    And why the hell is it called " goffik " ?!
  • theSnark
    Because poor literacy is [i]kewel[/i]!
  • KDHeart
    I've been waiting for this ever since you started doing this series. :evil:

    There is nothing I can say or do to make up for the pain you've probably went through. You are officially my hero.
  • wargarurumon
    that bitch doesn't want to write the word cross. It's official she's a retarded poser :angry:

    and its hilarious how she calls other people posers when she brings a new meaning to the word poser :D

    and what the hell was up with count chocula :silly:

    good luck with the next part sage
  • Lorki

    Chapter 1: This is how I look and Draco said hi.
    Chapter 2: This is how my friend and I look and Draco asked me out.
    Chapter 3: This is how Draco and I look and we went to a concert.
    Chapter 4: This his how I took off what we were wearing and got caught by a swearing Dumbledor.
    Chapter 5: Teachers told them it was okay and this is how I look.
    Chapter 6: This is how Harry and I look.
    Chapter 7: This is how we had sex and something happened with a tattoo... > .> no freaking clue what
    Chapter 8: Draco apparently was with Vampire who was Harry and Hermione is there and she is also a vampire.... yeah... > ___>
    Chapter 9: Voldemort wants me to kill Vampire
    Chapter 10: This is how my gothic band looks and Draco killed himself. ... 8D YAY!
    Chapter 11: This is how I look and how I cried. < .< And Lupin and Snape videotaped me naked and Hagrid turned out to be also a Satanist and is in love with me.

    WHAT THE HELL?! XD I laughed so hard at so many parts it's so rediculious.
  • Slayzzer
    Wow... I am pretty sure i just lost another bit of my sanity by hearing this... this... i don't know what to name this text you read, Sage. I listened to the whole reading in this video just because i wanted to prove to someone i know that i was brave enough to hear it all. Now i am one step closer to being completly nuts!
  • ThatChickWithTheGoggles
    I'm just glad she took the time out to tell us all exactly what she was wearing right down to the nail polish because... LORD her visual style is just a nod to the power of the English language.

    Though honestly... I think she should try wearing the torn up black mini skirt with the TANK TOP with some kind of corset stuff all down the back and stuff. It would just be so cool.

    FANGS so much for reading us this awesome fanfiction, Sage....................g et it? I said FANGS cause I'm so effing goth.

    Now excuse me, I feel a little depressed... I think I'll go cut my wrists... but just a little, you know, just so I can feel?

    MCR RULES!!!!1
  • The Z
    Summary of the entire thing read today.
  • Leifonuss
    i love the part where "snap" and lupin are spying on her. I almost died of laughter
  • Treima6
    You have no idea the amount of pain you have caused me, Sage.

    I actually screamed when she brought up the Marilyn Manson bath towel.

    The pain...the pain...
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