No, not the Sumerian King.

No, not the guy from Fate/stay night.

No, not the Japanese rock band.

No, not the Jazz band either.

Not, not the unfunny meme. Well, as you can see, the Wikipedia Disambiguation page only helps so far.

I am an avid fan of the Final Fantasy series. And Final Fantasy has quite a few villains that leave a lot to be desired. But there are some that are made that way on purpose. One in particular was so loved upon his debut in Final Fantasy 5, that he started appearing in the rest of the series as a recurring character. Say hello to Gilgamesh.

See, officer? I'm not drunk. I can stand on one leg!

He is...

A LOUZY VILLIN WEE ADORE.

In FF5, Gilgamesh is the main antagonist's general. He fights the party several times, and loses every battle First time against an old man, Galuf, who was trying to rescue his friends from the Big Bad's prison. Well, in Gil's defense, Galuf is one bad-ass old man. But still, when your introduction to a character is seeing them being defeated by the elderly (and then run away), well... FAIL, my good sir. FAIL.

I SO beat up that weird dude in red.

Next he ambushes the party in a big bridge, aptly named the Big Bridge, and this is where dialog pearls such as this one start showing up.

Gilgamesh: I was wrong, I cannot fight four people...  [cue powerful protective spells on self, and a pretty devastating physical attack] ... HA! Did you really believe me? [fight goes on]

Ain't I a stinker?

After being defeated there too, he runs away. Again. Yeah, he's one of those baddies. Later on he will engage the part ONCE AGAIN, this time on a boat.

Gilgamesh: Starkle, starkle little twink... Now it's time that you guys SINK!!

He takes his 'faithful sidekick', Enkidu, with him. If you kill Enkidu before you attack Gilgamesh, the latter will not even notice the thing, until he turns around, sees no faithful sidekick, and says something along the lines of "HEY! Faithful sidekicks aren't supposed to ditch the hero!". He then runs.

In the main antagonist's castle, there's another dose of Gil. Walfway through the battle, he reveals his true form... but only after another epically goofy announcement.

Gilgamesh: Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT IS MORPHING TIME!

And then he morphs. In a rather unspectacular fashion (and by that I mean the sprites swap just like that. PHAIL.).

Find the differences, win a cookie.

He also claims to be wielding the EPIC MEGASWORD OF AWESOME, the Excalibur. Damn it, here comes a real challenge, you think while playing the game. Then he attacks. His attacks are ridiculously weak.

Gilgamesh: Ehh!? Why, I've been had! This is far from the strongest of swords! I feel so betrayed!

Big Bad's Voice: Gilgamesh!

Gilgamesh: Erk!

Big Bad's Voice: You worthless fool! For your continued bungling, I banish you from this dimension!

Gilgamesh: Wh-what!? No! Anything but that!

Big Bad's Voice: Silence!

[Gilgamesh is tossed into a portal]

Gilgamesh: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

You also get the sword, called Excalipoor. Get it? ExcaliPOOR? Moving on.

Is this the end of good old Gil? Well no of course! So the party goes into a thing called the Rift, an alternate dimension where the final boss is. In the way, who do you meet? Damn right! But he has changed. He no longer likes the Big Bad.

I no longer like the Big Bad!

He thinks the heroes are monsters and attacks them. Then he recognizes Bartz, the leader of th party of heroes who he fought so many times.

Gilgamesh: ...Wait a minute... Bartz? Zounds! 'Tis no beast, just Bartz! You should've just said so from the start! Oohhh, I don't like it here... Creepy monsters lurk around every corner, and I can' find the way out... Cripes... *sniffle* ...I'm gonna break down! Anyway. How did you get here? Or rather, how does one exit?

Bartz: Oh, just go that way, then...

Gilgamesh: I see! Let us egress posthaste! Say...afterwards, what say we have a few spectacular adventures, just us five?

Bartz: ...Um.

Gilgamesh: ...Oh yes, that whole saving the world thing....phooey. If you make it out safely... Hah! No ifs about it. I'm certain we'll meet again. At that time, I hope you'll consider me a... Uhh...er. *cough* Never mind, ha ha! Hasta la bye-bye!

Heartwarming in a weird way. I suppose this is the last time we hear of the guy, isn't it? NO. Well, MAYBE. Later on there's this ugly boss, Necrophobe.

SO THERE I WAS BEING UGLY...

After fighting this guy a little bit, Gilgamesh shows up! So bear with me with these lines of dialog for a while!

Gilgamesh: Made it! Why hello there! Surprised to see me? Hah! If I'd just left you in the lurch, I'd look like a jerk for all of history! Thought I'd let that happen? As if!

Necrophobe: Hmph... You've a big mouth. If you're so eager to fight, you can be the first to die!

Gilgamesh: Oh really? Just try it, Baldy! You cannot even hold a birthday candle to the blazing flame of my winning spirit!

So he fights Baldy while talking to the party, making a heartwarming speech on how they are each wonderful in their own way. For added fun, this is a good time to use the STEAL command on him to get unique armor and items. After a while...

Necrophobe: Enough of this. Die! [casts a really, REALLY strong spell on Gil.]

Gilgamesh: *snort!* I believe that's MY line!!! [self-destructs, taking Necrophobe with him]

And so was the story of Gilgamesh, the lousy villain I adore. He would show up in other installments of the series, like FF8...

I'm gonna cut ya!

Final Fantasy 9...

I'm gonna rob ya!

...and Final Fantasy 12...

I'm gonna... HEY LOOK AT ME I'M CLOUD!

...and many others, but never lost his traits: melodramatic, funny, and likes swords but can't really tell a good one from a fake.

Gilgamesh, quoting a friend of mine while she was referring to something completely different, is made of equal parts of WIN and FAIL. He FAILS as a villain, even though he's pretty strong, but in the end, he always ends up willing to help the heroes. He's all talk; in the end, he is kind, a bit childish, and voiced by Jim Cummings. And that makes me love him so.

And so I bid you farewell for now! For the other Villains, clicky wicky here.