In a world of bad films, Mondo Bizarro...well, covers them.

There are so many films out there that companies need gimmicks to sell movies.  One of the big ones is the 'Vs' gimmick.  It's a simple formula: take two monsters/creatures and have them fight.  This thing has been a goldmine over the years too.  In fact, there are so many films like this that the really shitty ones deserve to be mentioned.  In Part One of a Two Part series, I want to highlight the worst of the worst...

Before you comment on the stuff not included, bear in mind that many of them will be in next week's list.

12. Dinocroc vs. Supergator/Komodo vs. Cobra:  These two films are both equally forgettable, so let's lump them together.  The first one is a recent film (it debuted on Syfy this year) that combines monsters from two Roger Corman-produced films from the last few years.  It's silly, pointless and features really bad CG-effects.  The second film is one I've spoken about before (in my Jim Wynorski-centric list).  It combines a giant, CG Komodo Dragon and a giant, CG Cobra. Like a lot of these films, they don't fight until the very end of the movie.  Way to make me wait for nothing, movie!

11. Freddy vs. Jason: While not the worst film, the hype just kills this one.  There are some good aspects to the film- including the idea of both looking strong- but there's no way that this film would live up to it's own hype.  People asked for a movie like this for years and boy did it...um, get made.  Considering all the expectation, the fact that there has been no follow-up to this has been made should say a lot.  No, I'm not counting the comic books.

10. Bloodz vs. Wolvez: Do I even really need to explain this?  Basically, there's a gang fight between two rival groups in 'the hood.'  One of them has vampires in it, while the other has werewolves in it.  I can't believe that this is real...but it is.  Let's just move on, shall we?

9. Alien vs. Predator: Speaking of hype, let's look at another letdown.  The film combines two major sci-fi/horror franchises into one big mess of a film.  There are some good moments here, but pretty much none of them have anything to do with the plot.  Let's be honest: the Aliens (or Xenomorphs) are cool and the Predators are cool.  Is anything that this movie brings new to the table cool?  No, not really.  Aliens are allowed to 'impregnate' Mayans in order to let the young Predators hunt?  Really, movie?  Good luck with that.  In fact, there's only one way to make this worse and that's...

8. Alien vs. Hunter: ...if you let The Asylum take over.  Their direct-to-video knock-off of the film involves a CG spider-alien battling a man in a crappy suit.  The film is just terrible.  In fact, it got a score of -31 on Something Awful.  When your 'Predator' is a man dressed like Raiden, you fail!  

7. Dracula vs. Frankenstein: Al Adamson had to rear his ugly head here somehow.  His infamous film involves a mad scientist recreating the famous neck-bolt featuring monster and running afoul of Dracula.  If you thought that a horror cross-over with two iconic characters needed to be set on a pier in Los Angeles and feature the Count with a ring that fires lasers, you're extremely-stupid.  Wow, this movie is terrible.

6. Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys: I really, really hate this movie- but this is not all about me.  This crossover between two of Full Moon's series' is an utter abomination is every sense of the word.  The new Toulon heir (Corey Feldman in a bad wig) must do battle with an evil woman (Weird Science's Vanessa Angel) using the titular Demonic Toys for a plan to rule the world- of course!  It's not funny, scary or interesting.  How does Full Moon feel about it?  They've since made two separate Puppet Master and Demonic Toys sequels, but not another one of these.

5. Vampires vs. Zombies: Another Asylum film makes the list- big surprise.  Let me be direct here: this film is not about vampires fighting zombies.  When Freddy vs. Jason was out, the company scrambled to find a way to make money for themselves off of this.  To that end, they retitled a movie called Carmilla, The Lesbian Vampire.  Really?  I think that title is good enough on its own, but, whatever.  This movie features both vampires and zombies, but they never really fight or 'go to war' like the promotional work promises.  Ah, a Versus movie where the two monsters don't even fight- bullshit!

4. Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus: Sometimes, the obvious choices are still good ones.  There's been a lot of insults hurled at this movie, so let me add some more.  The premise is silly, the pacing is terrible and the face-off occurs at the very end.  Here's the kicker: this movie is dull!  They have about four interesting scenes in a 90 minute movie.  Some of these- like the shark attacking the plane- last only about a minute!  The rest of the movie is just padding, bad acting and melodrama.  I can only hope that Mega-Shark vs. Crocasaurus is better...but I know it won't be.  Yes, that is a real movie in development by The Asylum.

3. Boa vs. Python: Another Syfy Channel film underwhelms and fails to deliver!  Like the films at #12, this movie is a spin-off of two previous, killer snake movies.  The special effects suck, the acting sucks and the plot is terrible.  Basically, a giant snake is loose, so the government sends out another giant snake.  Why does this film rank so much higher (read: lower) than the others?  Well, you see, this movie's climax involves the two snakes falling in love with each other and, well, screwing.  You pretty much punch a giant hole in the 'Versus' label when you have the two monsters screw each other, guys!

2. Godzilla vs. Gigan: I had to find room for one of the twenty-plus Godzilla vs. _____ movies and this one fits nicely.  At the tail end of the series' first run (from Gojira to Terror of Mechagodzilla), things degraded very quickly.  This film involves aliens, more model cities and an amusement park.  It's a knock-down, drag-out brawl between this and Godzilla vs. Megalon to determine which one is worse.  Here's the answer: the latter film has Jet Jaguar.  That beats out anything you can throw, pretty much.

1. Shaolin vs. Evil Dead- Ultimate Power: I'd like to close out with a movie that almost nobody has heard of, but should.  Shaolin vs. Evil Dead is an import film involving a Taoist priest and his apprentices battling a former ally and a demon.  The film ends on a cliffhanger, so a sequel had to be made.  Well, that's not always the case, but you get my point.  Rather than build off of that ending, this sequel spends an hour explaining why the former ally turned evil...even though that was already explained.  As a bonus, it introduces more plot-holes.  Finally, it gets to the point and features a really silly, CG-filled battle.  All's well that ends well- this doesn't.

For more talk about films like this, check out my blog.  Sixty-six people is almost 1,000,000 in my book!

Up next, let's take this in a different direction and look at the strangest films with the 'Vs.' label.  Martial arts, cowboys and sluts- oh my!