A film title needs to grab you!  It needs to make you go 'I need to see this movie!'  One thing that helps seal the deal is a short, succinct title.  They can be one word- Them!- or two- The Hangover- but they grab your attention.  On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have super-long titles.  Is there a merit to these?  I suppose.  A long title doesn't inherently ruin a film, but it makes it a harder sell.  The bigger issue is that many of these titles could be a lot shorter.  To break down this selection, I tried to do it in the most scientific way possible.  As best as I could assemble them, these are the longest film titles in history, from least-long-by-comparison to longest ever.  Enjoy...

* Note: Many early films (read: 1890 to 1916) are longer, but only because they list every single thing that happens in the video.  They're not really films, however, so I didn't count them.  Look them up though- you'll be amazed*

12. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: I guess you can really blame C.S. Lewis for this one.  This 2005 film is the first adaptation of three (so far) of Lewis famous novels.  A quick note to Disney, however.  If someone knows what 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe' is, they probably know that it's from the Narnia series!  I'm just saying.

11. The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom: Let's make the title extra-long to avoid a lawsuit!  This tongue-in-cheek film tells the alleged tale of a woman who kills someone to help keep her daughter as a cheerleader.  Yeah, that's worth murder...and a dozen word title.

10. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: There's a reason that most people just call it Borat.  The full title of this real-but-not-real comedy is a bit silly.  Then again, the plot involves a guy going to America to kidnap Pamela Anderson, so who's surprised?

9. Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood: Really?  This is an early Wayans Brothers film and boy does it show.  As a young, white male, I'm not really the audience...but their movies still suck.  At least this one can be chalked up to inexperience.  On the flip side...

8. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex *But Were Afraid to Ask*: Woody Allen didn't realize the irony that this title would bring later in life.  Based somewhat on the famous book, Allen made this film as a series of vignettes covering the more famous/infamous aspects of human sexual relationships.  Any time you get Gene Wilder to romance a sheep, you're a winner in my book!

7. The Fearless vampire Killers or: Pardon Me, But Your Fangs Are In My Neck: Why did the *secondary* title go out of style?  This Roman Polanski classic involves a young man, an old man and a stunning redhead facing off with some vampires.  Obviously, the casting- Polanski's now-dead wife- overshadows a lot of the film, but it's still a jolly good time.

6. Your Vice Is A Locked Room and Only I Have The Key: This Giallo title is much more famous than the actual film.  The story involves a feuding couple whose house tends to attract murder.  It's actually quite unpleasant (and occasionally dull) to watch.  Even so, the title is still great.

5. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies: Thank you, MST3K.  This bizarre film is hard to explain using any logical thought.  It has something to do with people being hypnotized at a Carnival.  Like the #6 choice, the title is more interesting than the actual film.

4. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb: No fighting in the Top 12 List!  This classic involves the Cold War coming to a head thanks to a broken radio.  As silly as that is, it's about as close as we got!  Headlined by Peter Sellers playing multiple roles, the film has a ton of great actors playing their roles pitch-perfectly.  Ride that bomb!

3. The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent: Roger Corman strikes again!  Before he got into Poe films, Corman made all sorts of films.  This 'epic' is famous for it's low-budget (reportedly $65,000) and goofy tone.  As a bonus, the only print in circulation is tinted blue.  Oh yeah, it's also most famous for these guys watching it...

2. Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines, or How I Flew from London to Paris in 25 hours 11 minutes: If you didn't have a flying machine, I'd wonder how you got there!  This 1965 film is much in the vein of It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and other films of the type.  It's a race, only this one involves planes.  Zoom zoom.

1. Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2: In Shocking 2-D: No comment.  I mean, what's going to help make sense of this?  Nothing- that's what.

For more film talk, go to my blog.  It's got disco-fever!

Up next, in a flip-side of a previous blog, I want to take a look at the craziest films based on anime shows/films.  Are they crazier than the hypothetical ones?  Stay tuned...