What you're about to read is real.  The movies are not.  Confused?

What's better than a real film?  A fake film, of course!  There aren't a whole lot of them in the grand scheme of things, but they usually stand out in one way or another.  What is the appeal of a fake film?  It offers you something that you really want to see, but know that you shouldn't.  A fake film never disappoints, as it never comes to fruition.  It's like that hot girl you see on the beach, but don't talk to.  Because of that, you don't find out about her annoying laugh, the story behind her 'tramp stamp' and how she loves ponies a little too much.  In honor of that hot unknown, here's my list...

12. My Best Friend is a Robot/Action Doctor: A pair of fake films come from a pair of comedies that failed to really do well.  In Funny People, Adam Sandler plays a dying comedy star who has been in a slew of silly-looking films.  This is one of them.  In Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Chris Evans is a movie star who has been in a slew of silly-looking films.  This is one of them.  That's simple, right?

11. Moonraper: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back brings us the first of two selections here.  They don't elaborate on the story, but this movie is a funny jab at Ben Affleck's questionable film choices.  Don't you just want to see this movie?!?  Then again, it is a Ben Affleck movie- so what has been good in?  Oh right- Afflectk was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.

10. The Terminator (with Sylvester Stallone): Something good did come out of Last Action Hero.  In an attempt to prove that Ahnuld's character is an actor, our hero takes him to a video store to show him one of his movies.  This leads to the reveal of Sly as The Terminator.  That's...something to think about right?

9. Scream 4/Good Will Hunting 2: A double-dose of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!  The random assembly of events that is the plot of the film leads our two heroes to Hollywood to stop the Bluntman and Chronic film.  First, they're extras on the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season before being chased onto the set of Scream 4...which has a monkey as the killer.  Way to spoil the ending of that non-film, movie!  By the way, one of these will soon be real...

8. The Rutles: All We Need is Cash: The irony abounds here.  At the end of the cult comedy classic by Eric Idle, they promise this sequel.  The irony here is that they later made a sequel- The Rutles: Can't Buy Me Lunch.  It's about as famous as the sequel to Spinal Tap.  Yeah, that exists too.

7. 8 1/2: This is possibly the most arty film to ever be in a Top 12 List.  Fellini's classic film tells the tale of a director stuck making a bad sci-fi film after doing his most famous work.  Of course, everyone knows that the director was mostly in this spot, having just made La Dolce Vita.  It's a shame that the film-within-a-film never saw a real release.  Oh well.

6. The Night the Reindeer Died: This is the film that you wished that you could see on Christmas!  The holiday classic Scrooged begins with a long-form introduction to this fake film.  Apparently terrorists decide to attack the North Pole and only one man can save Santa- Lee Majors!  Go bionic on their asses, Steve!  In spite of totally-nailing the gimmicky-action film, this still doesn't quite break the Top 5.

5. On High in Blue Tomorrows: David Lynch confuses me.  After about two years of work, Lynch released Inland Empire to...an audience of about 6 people.  Basically, a director is attempting to film an un-filmable screenplay called 'On High in Blue Tomorrows.'  Since I don't want to- nor could I really- spoil the film, let me just say that it was a bad call.

4. The Sleep of Reason Gives Birth to Monsters 1 and 2: I always find an excuse to talk about Demons, don't I?  The plot of the film- and Demons 2- involves people going to see a screening of a film, only for the monsters to escape.  Oddly, the film has no name in either movie.  As a result, I can only attribute the random quote in the beginning as the title.  I do like Nostradamus' Curse better though.

3. History of the World, Part 2: This is another one that may actually come to pass.  At the end of Mel Brooks' famous comedy, you get to see the trailer for the sequel.  This includes such segments as 'Jews in Space' and 'Hitler on Ice.'  Given that the movie was made two years before I was born and no sequel has yet to appear.  If we keep holding our breaths, we will all die.

2. Werewolf Women of the S.S.: Why can't this be real?  The theatrical experience of Grindhouse- which I missed...dammit- featured a number of trailers for fake films.  While I don't deny my love for Don't, I really want to see Rob Zombie's film.  I know- I want to see a Rob Zombie film!  The movie trailer features horny Nazis, werewolves and Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu!  If Machete can be real now, why can't this one?

1. La Fin Absolue Du Monde: Fake films are nothing if they don't cause massive riots!  In 'Cigarette Burns' (from Showtime's Masters of Horror series), a man is hired to track down the rarest film of all time.  No, it's not The Day the Clown Cried!  This film played for a single showing and led to massive riot.  Why?  Well, it's rumored to be a sequel to In The Army Now.  That would do it!

For more fake films (and real ones), go to my blog.  It's Fergie-licious.

Next up, I take a look at 12 horror sequels that 'went off the reservation.'  I'm looking at you, Leprechaun in the Hood!  Stay tuned...