Why Is It Such A Dick?

The simple answer is because it's a cat.  Cats are dicks.

The more entertaining answer:

In the preface to his review of comic-book ads, Linkara used his new spaceship's weaponry to destroy the house of Douchey McNitpick.  Douchey, like all people who whine on the internet about the entertainment they choose to watch completely for free, was secretly one of the Squiddly-Dooes from "The Hidden".  Seeking revenge on Lupa for the way she so callously mocked his people and their traditions (like forcibly reanimating the corpses of the dead so they can pull people apart), the Squiddly-Douche leapt into the sleeping body of her cat one night.

Why I wanted to blog this:

Purely to imagine the child-like expression of nerdish joy spreading across Allison's face if she should ever happen to read this blog.

The Devourer of Worlds

Universally Accepted Truths:

Galactus has existed in his present form since the entropic collapse of the universe that existed prior to the regular Marvel universe we know today.  He is frequently described as having "godlike" attributes, represents an anthropomorphized force of nature and all that jazz.  Stan Lee and Jack Kirby frequently danced around the issue, leaving it open to fan's own interpretations.  Which is what I'm doing right now, interpreting things through my own personal filters for you, my interested audience.

Galactus is the God of Destruction

Perception Determines Reality:

Every non-human sapient race in the wider Marvel universe sees Galactus as something different.  What they are seeing are the various gods of their own people's various creation myths and legends of destruction.  As the readers, we're seeing Galactus in the form that the human residents of Earth-616 are seeing because we're human.  The first being in the Modern Era to fully see Galactus was Mr. Fantastic, Reed Richards.  Richards, being a man of <insano>SCIENCE!!!!</insano> doesn't see Galactus as a traditional god, thinking of him in purely rational terms as being a giant from outer space wearing a totally sweet suit of Kirbytech.  His perception of Galactus shapes the perception of us, the readers, and we have conditioned ourselves to see Galactus this way ever since.

• In the universe of Marvel Zombies, the cannibalistic undead heroes and villains are only capable of operating on simple zombie instincts.  If it's alive, then it's delicious juicy meat and brains to them.
• In the Marvel continuities of the Transformers comics, the readers are seeing everything not as ordinary humans see it, but through the perceptions of a Cybertronian because they're the protagonists and antagonists of the story.  In Cybertron's own mythology, their God of Destruction is a purely malevolent force that ravages worlds purely because creation offends him.  And his name is Unicron...

Your Mind:

Blown.