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Read or Die in 5 seconds

Posted by killatia
killatia
My review of House of The Dead 4 is up on GotGame.com tight now: http://gotgame.
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on Saturday, 31 March 2012
in 5 Second Movies

  

One of the best anime movies of all time, described in five seconds.

0 votes

A New Career.

Posted by That Yorkshire Twat
That Yorkshire Twat
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on Tuesday, 27 March 2012
in Thoughts

Recently, some friends of mine suggested I become a critic...

Reason being; I apparently have a talent for dragging things I don't like into the metaphorical bushes of my scrutiny and verbally fucking them in the arse with eye-wateringly long paragraphs full of big words and bloody stupid metaphors until the object of my almost holy wrath has a little cry and ceases to exist.

Now I don't know about you...


But I'm pretty sure that there's more to being a critic than simply sticking a chloroform rag over the face of the latest release and hauling it back to your basement so you can poke at it with lots of sharp, pointy objects. Of course, the real trouble is when it wakes up and lets out a shrill little cry and you suddenly find yourself being trampled under an army of Self-Righteous fanboys.

So, In conclusion...

I'm an insufferable twat. 
However, I'm bloody good at being a twat and therefore I award myself 5 stars. 
 

...
0 votes

ARE SEQUELS WORTH IT?

Posted by The Debate Critic
The Debate Critic
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on Monday, 16 January 2012
in Movies

Hello readers, I am a long-time fan of this site but a first time blogger so forgive me if I may seem out of place.  I am a big fan of debating and also analysing movies so I thought I’d come up with debating certain factors in the film industry.  What I tend to do is argue both FOR and AGAINST what it is I am debating.  There is no right or wrong answer it is just an overview and I am up for discussions.  Please do I enjoy a good conversation on these topics but I am not looking for a fight or to disprove anyone it is just for fun.  So, let’s get started.

 

FOR 

The good thing about a sequel is that it gets to expand the simple storyline or theme of the original; let's take Alien for example.  In the first one we see how a crew discover an ancient alien ship that has crash landed and how an alien life form they come across gestates inside someone and after birth goes on to kill the crew with acid for blood and a crazy 'tongue-puncher' as I call it.  Now the sequel Aliens takes this life form and expands it into massive infestation amongst a colony of hundreds of people.  This expands the idea of the original because it looks into exactly how deadly it is for these creatures to populate and more into their qualities against technology with their biological adapting skills.  It also uncovers how the alien life cycle with a Queen Alien laying these eggs (which was created by James Cameron himself).  The sequel also takes a horror icon and places it into an action situation with soldiers armed to the teeth and exploring the true extent of these creatures' merciless nature, thus emphasising the seriousness to destroy the Alien in the first film.  This is an example of how sequels allow a basic idea of the original to expand and create a bigger or even new situation. 

...
0 votes

Ouran High School Host Club Review

Posted by That Chick Next Door
That Chick Next Door
posted a review in my blog a few hours ago. Hope someone reads it!
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on Monday, 02 January 2012
in Anime

     Okay, so, I'm an anime girl and a lot of my friends have been wanting me to watch Ouran High School Host Club and since I'm trying to get into the reviewing spirit, I figured that I would start off with an okay review. Sure, there are some things I have complaints about, but they're just minor stuff, (mainly trying to remember the names and I had to look up the anime on wiki, which is pretty bad.) so let's dive right in!

     So, in the first episode, 2nd year female student, Haruhi Fujioka walks into the Host Club room and accidentally breaks a pot worth eight million yen. (which is about 80 dollars, but that's just my approximate conversion) So, as a punishment, she is enrolled into this Host Club and we are told that the Host Club is a Club for young high school men to help ladies find love by... wooing them? Really? Really Japan? You had to go there? Anyway, As the first episode goes on, they eventually find out that Haruhi is a girl, (I like how they simulate each realization as a light bulb that flickers on) and realize that she shouldn't be there. Instead, since their "clients" like Haruhi so much, the president of this club, Tamaki Suoh, tells our main character that once she reaches 100 clients, they will drop the eight million yen debt, so, as time goes on, she learns the rest of the Host Club's story, she finds out that she belongs there and stays by choice

     Thinking about it, I only have one major complaint about the main character. Her name is Haruhi Fujioka. In my opinion, she looks to me like she would be one to not keep her emotions bottled up and she wasn't very well rounded. She almost seemed to have no personality even. I mean, seriously, why make a tv show if the main character isn't cool? C'MON JAPAN! Anyway, with her having this... well... "lack" of personality, makes her fit into the show pretty well, making all the other guys lust for her. (god, Japan can be REALLY messed up!) So, there were some days where I liked her and there were some days I didn't, but, personally, she fits into this storyline well.

      Another character I need to complain about is Tamaki Suoh. God, I hate this character! Granted, there are some scenes where I want to hug him, but, most of the time, I wanted to just jump into the show, smack him, and walk off! He's a ladies-man and he uses his charm to weave his way in and out of situations. It annoys me to NO END! He annoys me to no end! I don't like this character! Sure, he got better near the end of the series, but I don't want to say for people who haven't seen it yet, but even after I watched the ending, I still didn't really like him.

     My last complaint is how the series ended on a cliffhanger, but, again, I won't go into detail for people who haven't seen it yet.

...

1st Internet Awards Show/Golden Critic Awards - 19/12 Update

Posted by robertmillion
robertmillion
Whether we rob a Chinese kitchen or stroll down the block, either way girl we're
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on Monday, 19 December 2011
in TGWTG Related

{"video":"","width":"400","height":"300"}

Get the up to date information from the official Awards Twitter account: @CriticAwards

The PutzCast Ep. 9

Posted by Zombifaction
Zombifaction
i have no idea
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on Friday, 11 November 2011
in Funny

Oh the pain we went through to get this episode. 3 Recordings, a full night of editing and multiple renderings to get it right! But we are back! And are we back! Even after 3 separate recording we still had a great conversation full of new things to say! How do we do it?!

But on the table for this episode are Aliens, celebrities, Role Playing games, Judges Shows, pony underwear, The Golden Critic Awards! And So much more!

Also check it out we have ads on the site now! Well Ad…And it can be yours!

MP3
 
Link Dump 
------------ 
Send your choices to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it  


Also check out our YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and you can find us on iTunes and feel free to e-mail us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

0 votes

The 1st Internet Reviewer Award Show

Posted by robertmillion
robertmillion
Whether we rob a Chinese kitchen or stroll down the block, either way girl we're
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on Monday, 07 November 2011
in TGWTG Related

CRITIC TV has decided to start the first internet reviewer awards, with real awards and everything! Watch this video for all the information:


BLIP 

YOUTUBE


Fill out these all categories to send in your recommendations:

Best Podcast 

Best Crossover 

Best Breakthrough Producer 

Best Writing 

Most Informative Video 

Best Comedic Performance 

Best Visual Appeal

Best Supporting Character 

Best Character 

Best Male Producer 

Best Female Producer 

Best Video 


You can send your recommendations to:  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

You can be up to date with latest events of The Golden CRITIC Awards at:

http://www.thereviewerreport.com/

or

At my twitter: @robertmillion

CRITIC TV Halloween Special: ... And Other Stories

Posted by robertmillion
robertmillion
Whether we rob a Chinese kitchen or stroll down the block, either way girl we're
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on Tuesday, 01 November 2011
in Funny



If you can not view this player:  

...
0 votes

FanFic Critic Episode 146: "The Bell Ringing Angel"

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
How does karma go up?
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on Thursday, 27 October 2011
in Misc Reviews

The FanFic Critic reads her first Hunchback of Notre Dame fanfiction that is NOT based on the Disney film.

Story URL:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4537683/1/The_bBell_b_bRinging_b_bAngel_b

0 votes

FanFic Critic Episode 145: "Morph Wars"

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
How does karma go up?
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on Sunday, 23 October 2011
in Misc Reviews

In today's episode, the FanFic Critic reads one of the fanfics that was requested by a viewer...only to fine out something shocking...

Story URL:

http://anthonys13.deviantart.com/gallery/3606658#/d15n9wn

FanFic Critic Episode 144: "Back to the Future 4: land before time"

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
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on Thursday, 20 October 2011
in Misc Reviews

The FanFic Critic revisits the author RichardTerminator and reads yet another LBT crossover. This time, it involves THE FUTURE!

Story URL:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6418730/1/Back_to_the_Future_4_land_before_time

FanFic Critic Episode 143: "Master Chief Writes a Fanfic"

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
How does karma go up?
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on Wednesday, 19 October 2011
in Misc Reviews

The FanFic Critic and XArcangelAssassinX team up once again to review a bad fanfic. This time, it's a Halo fanfic!

Story URL:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5263148/1/Master_Chief_Writes_a_Fanfic

FanFic Critic Episode 141: "Big Mistake"

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
How does karma go up?
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on Thursday, 13 October 2011
in Misc Reviews

The FanFic Critic, dawning a new look and an updated opening title, dives into a Dragon Ball Z fanfiction that has a mediocre plot, sub-par grammar, and characters that are unlikable. Boy, this will be fun...

Story URL:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1749478/1/Big_Mistake

Sib-Ling Forum Launch! (JOIN NOW AND SHARE YOUR REVIEWS!!!)

Posted by sib1ling
sib1ling
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on Wednesday, 12 October 2011
in Everything Else

All Reviews and Content submitted to the talent search MUST be clean!


http://sib-lings.com/forum Come join now and show off your video, audio, graphics, and writing skills! It's time for a new entertainment team to assemble!

0 votes

The Film Vigilante Youtube Channel

Posted by TheFilmVigilante
TheFilmVigilante
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on Saturday, 01 October 2011
in Uncategorized

Hello!  I'm The Film Vigilante!  I've been a long time fan of the site.  I've started up my own youtube channel where I do reviews for both obscure and current movies.  I put together a little promo above.  Enjoy!

 

Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TheFilmVigilante

0 votes

FanFic Critic Episode 139: "The Peter Chimaera Show...Again..."

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
How does karma go up?
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on Tuesday, 27 September 2011
in Misc Reviews

The FanFic Critic is not very pleased to have two more Peter Chimaera fanfics pop up on her laptop. Oh, well. At least it's only two!

URLs to the stories:

http://www.peterchimaera.com/doom.html http://www.peterchimaera.com/batman.txt

FanFic Critic Episode 138: "Climax Pegasus"

Posted by The FanFic Critic
The FanFic Critic
How does karma go up?
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on Sunday, 25 September 2011
in Misc Reviews

The FanFic Critic returns to Ponyville and reads a crossover with My Little Ponies: Friendship is Magic and Viewtiful Joe. And before you ask, it does not involve cupcakes!

Story URL:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6854184/1/Climax_Pegasus

The Adventure Begins....

Posted by The_Awesometeer
The_Awesometeer
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/blogs/latest/entry/the-awesometeer-vs-the-top-
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on Monday, 12 September 2011
in Film Review

Hello, I am The_Awesometeer and I will be partaking on a journey through the AFI Top 100 (if you do not know what this is please check out this site: AFI Top 100).  Now I am a semi-busy person so I will differ on how many movies I will watch and review a week.  It should always be at least one but I might be able to sometimes fit in two.  As of right now I am hoping to do video blogs but we will see how that works out (if you follow my blog or twitter you will know when new reviews are about to come out). 

Now for some background about me and movies.  I like movies but I do not like old movies (i don't really have a good reason why) with that said I have seen only a handful of older movies (made before the 70s) in my life, needless to say I do not have much reason to hate old movies.  Now I do like movies and for the past 8 years I have made sure to watch every movie nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture.  Another thing you should know is though I enjoy movies I am no critic in fact I know hardly anything about movies.  I pretty much know if I liked it or not, so do not expect a review from a movie snob. 

Lastly lets talk about this blog.  First-off like I mentioned I will be watching and reviewing the AFI Top 100 but I will not be doing it in any particular order (I just used a random number generator).  I will be using my own secret formula (like Coke-a-Cola) to critique the film.  I will then make a post about it giving it a final grade.  As I start doing this I will then order the movies I reviewed by the grade I give them, eventually ending up with my own version of the Top 100.  So please join me on this adventure and lets look at some classic American movies. 

Tags: 100, AFI, Critic, film, movie, top
0 votes

Like Blindfolded Sheep

Posted by Faust-the-Negative
Faust-the-Negative
Is it wrong that I joined just to post one comment and my videos?
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on Monday, 29 August 2011
in Uncategorized

I've been following this site for a very long time. Years even, and that's saying something given my short attention span and lack of human empathy. But following it has given me plenty of time to read lots of comments and watch lots of reviews and I've come to a brief realization about critics; they influence a man's thoughts. Regardless of whether or not you want it to, they influence your thoughts.

Let me be clear; I love the Nostalgia Critic. I find him funny, clever and entertaining on many levels. However, I have noticed something in the comment sections of not only his videos but many other reviewers on this site that sort of makes me scratch my head; the comment, 'I remember seeing this as a little kid...' That wouldn't be so bad, really if it stopped there, but this comment usually is followed by something like, 'Even then I thought this was stupid', or something along those lines and I have to stop and ask myself, 'Self, do you remember what you thought of [insert movie/game/comic here] when you first experienced this when you were five?'

My usual answer? 'It was a cartoon, of course I liked it.'

My point is simply that how many of us can honestly recall what we thought or felt the first time we watched a movie? I know when I was kid and Batman and Robin came out, I liked it. Now, yes, it's a terrible piece of trash, but when I was a kid, nothing mattered like a complex plot that made sense or deep character development. All that mattered was seeing Batman and Robin beat up the bad guys and save the day. And just to be clear, I REALLY hate Batman and Robin now. Another example, Three Ninjas with the same response. When I was a kid, I didn't care about plot or characters as a general rule--it was three kids beating up adults and it was easily imitable on the playground. What did I care if the plot was stupid or the characters shallow?

So, even if no one ever reads this, I want to ask the question: When you're watching these reviews, are they coloring your past? Are you allowing it to tint your memories to make you seem like you've been some intelligent cynic your whole life? Wouldn't it be nice to simply look at this movies, let the flaws be pointed out and then remember when they came out and be honest with ourselves? When you're a kid, unless you really did grow up in a house of snobbish intellectuals (in which case why the heck were you watching such tripe in the first place?) then I will say that I am doubtful that any of us really did look on any movie with disdain and and turn our noses up because of how 'stupid' it was. You can ask a kid and they'll tell you whether they like it or not. "Why, little Johnny/Susie, don't you like Three Ninjas?" And you have my solid oath that I will give you five Sealand dollars to you if that child replies with something along the lines of, "I found the movie shallow and pedantic' instead of, "I don't know.'

TGWTG analyzations: Episode 1 Nostalgia Critic

Posted by taf and cody
taf and cody
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on Friday, 29 July 2011
in TGWTG Related

Hi, tafonex here.


Before I get one video out with me and CodyMaya, I have decided to get some haters. But all kidding aside, these blog posts are being made to past the time before I get out some videos out. The idea of this is to share my opinion of some the featured reviewers of the site, so of course I am starting with That Guy With The Glasses himself, Doug Walker, AKA, The Nostalgia Critic.

Part 1: History,

The Nostalgia Critic has had videos on YouTube for a while before the site started but I'm going to start at the first video on the site by him in 4/6/2008 when he reviewed Transformers The Movie, this video was very different from newer videos. The format was more like Bum reviews, and his outfit was very different from now. In the next episode, Drug Cartoon Special, every thing was the same as now, except the quality. In 5/10/2009 The 1st anniversary video of TGWTG.com, TGWTG Team Brawl, were he got many of the featured reviewers on the site to come to Chicago and film a fight of epic proportions. Then a year later Kickassia, a 3 parter 2nd anniversary video, where the featured reviewers took over a nation. Then another year later a 7 parter 3rd anniversary video, were the featured reviewers go on an adventure to find an amazing treasure.

...
0 votes

SuperDude's Super Trailers: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 trailer (Suburban Knights)

Posted by Superdude1999
Superdude1999
Superdude1999 has not set their biography yet
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on Thursday, 07 July 2011
in Trailers & Commercials

Here's to another year of TGWTG awesomeness, and another year of total obscurity for me!

Dead Rising UK Indie film: Help & advise needed + Audience responce

Posted by MegaAntMan1
MegaAntMan1
i feel hungry... so what's new? ^^
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on Tuesday, 14 June 2011
in Everything Else

Dear Reader, if you take the time to read this then thank you, all the details are on the inside of this blog so please take the time to read it so that you can help out with a new indie film, DEAD RISING UK, but as mentioned all details are inside this blog, if however your question is not answered here then please, either leave a comment or PM me ^^

E-Dog Reviews: Honest Hearts (Fallout New Vegas DLC)

Posted by barracudagangstar
barracudagangstar
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on Monday, 23 May 2011
in Video Games

Honest hearts produce honest actions

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House of Love - Isn't it time you gave Ferngully another Chance?

Posted by FunkyM
FunkyM
And I'm back!
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on Saturday, 21 May 2011
in animated movie review

And I'm back, with a look at Ferngully.

And next week, we move out of the realm of movies for a while...

0 votes

E-Dog Reviews: Mario Kart Double Dash

Posted by barracudagangstar
barracudagangstar
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on Thursday, 19 May 2011
in Video Games

Now, with twice the blue shells!

0 votes

Sucker Punch: Love it or Hate it, there is no 'Meh' (comparing the good and bad)

Posted by CellSeam
CellSeam
CellSeam has not set their biography yet
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on Sunday, 27 March 2011
in Misc Reviews


0 votes

Weeaboos and Wapanese

Posted by Yung Ago
Yung Ago
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on Sunday, 13 March 2011
in Uncategorized


StrangeFellow Reviews: Shangri La

Posted by JoelStibbs
JoelStibbs
wish i knew how to see how many people had viewed this blog.....
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on Saturday, 05 March 2011
in Anime


0 votes

Wordslinging Critic: The Fighter

Posted by Wordslinger
Wordslinger
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on Friday, 21 January 2011
in Movies


0 votes

Wordslinging Critic: Tron Legacy

Posted by Wordslinger
Wordslinger
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on Friday, 21 January 2011
in Movies


0 votes

SuperDude's Super Posts: My 15 Seconds of Fame Bitches!

Posted by Superdude1999
Superdude1999
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on Sunday, 09 January 2011
in TGWTG Related

My Kickassia video has officially been seen by a few of the TGWTG guys and guess what?  THEY LIKED IT!

Angry Joe and Benzaie commented on my video!

Angry Joe even favorited it and made a tweet about it!

...
0 votes

StrangeFellow Reviews: Rahxephon, part 4

Posted by JoelStibbs
JoelStibbs
wish i knew how to see how many people had viewed this blog.....
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on Tuesday, 14 December 2010
in Anime


0 votes

Bratz in 5 seconds (two for the prize of one)

Posted by Mickael J
Mickael J
Mickael J has not set their biography yet
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on Thursday, 18 November 2010
in 5 Second Movies

I've got two idea for this one, and I take the opportunities to correct myself for the second one, my english is not perfect, so there is some mistake in the commentary at the end of the first one.

version 1 :

version 2 :

...
0 votes

Beowulf in 5 seconds

Posted by Mickael J
Mickael J
Mickael J has not set their biography yet
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on Tuesday, 16 November 2010
in 5 Second Movies

 

Many of you are probably more familiar with the robert zemekis version than I consider to be an underated movie with great acting, great design, great action scene god of war like, great music, an intresting look on the poem and a style who remind me the good old conan the barbarian (way better than the scorpion king who dare to claim than he is a return to this kind of movie, even if it's more like conan the destroyer). Maybe you think differently, that fine, but you have to admitted, it's better than the boring gerard butler one, and WAY more better than this ridiculous version, with our dear Christophe "connor Macleod" Lambert, where Beowulf is a poor copy of Blade, when he fight a dark teletubies, a women wearing a carpet and with the hear style of Doc Brown and of course knights who says NI, where all he's doing in an action scene is jumping.

0 votes

Nostalgic Commandos II - TGWTG Fan Trailer

Posted by cwood815
cwood815
Posted a 5 Second Movie every day for almost a week. Might try for longer.
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on Wednesday, 10 November 2010
in TGWTG Related


0 votes

Wordslinging Critic: Parnormal Activity 1 & 2

Posted by Wordslinger
Wordslinger
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on Thursday, 28 October 2010
in Movies


0 votes

Wordslinging Critic: Toonami Cancellation

Posted by Wordslinger
Wordslinger
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on Wednesday, 20 October 2010
in Misc Reviews


0 votes

Wordslinging Critic: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Posted by Wordslinger
Wordslinger
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on Wednesday, 20 October 2010
in Film Review


0 votes

Wordslinging Critic: Red

Posted by Wordslinger
Wordslinger
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on Wednesday, 20 October 2010
in Film Review


0 votes

SuperDude's Super Trailers: Expendables trailer (Kickassia)

Posted by Superdude1999
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on Monday, 18 October 2010
in Trailers & Commercials

In honor of the announcement of the Kickassia DVD, I created this badass trailer that is more awesome than the actual Expendables.


Now you can watch it on Youtube, you cheap bastards

0 votes

The Battle of the Nostalgia Critic and the Distressed Watcher

Posted by woollybully100
woollybully100
relaxed
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on Tuesday, 05 October 2010
in TGWTG Related

I've seen and read a few thing here and there about some sort of rivalry between NC and DW. andI just curious is it real? Have either made actual remarks to others? or is this between the two fandoms? One group of fans likes one so then feels the need to bash the other because its not the one they like. I'm curious to this but just so you know I'm not basis against either I love Nostalgia Critic and have enjoyed a number of Distressed Watcher video. Please response if you have any knowledge of this.

0 votes

Internet Critic - Brief Intro & "The First Comment"

Posted by coolpilot
coolpilot
Currently writing the 4th episode now. I hope to have at least 10 written by the
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on Wednesday, 22 September 2010
in Misc Reviews

A brief intro to what being an Internet Critic is all about, followed by the first critique, on those evil "First Commenters" (aka, "First Posters").

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The Cinema Snob Tribute Song By Robert

Posted by evilralphwiggum
evilralphwiggum
MAGFEST is soon. Exciting.
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on Thursday, 09 September 2010
in Music


0 votes

The incredible Hulk in 5 seconds

Posted by Mickael J
Mickael J
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on Thursday, 09 September 2010
in 5 Second Movies

0 votes

Doom in 5 seconds

Posted by Mickael J
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on Thursday, 09 September 2010
in 5 Second Movies

0 votes

The Rubber-Walrus Show: Satan's Toybox [Part The First] - Something that needs to be seen to be believed.

Posted by RubberWalrus
RubberWalrus
is still working hard for your amusement. If you're a fan of my works, won't you
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on Friday, 20 August 2010
in Film Review


Bad comedy round-up! An American Carol, reviewed by Kevin Wood

Posted by The Laughing Mask
The Laughing Mask
My review of Twilight: New Moon is up on Cinema-Crazed.com! Check it out
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on Monday, 09 August 2010
in Movies

A review of David Zucker's An American Carol.  Does it capture the magic of Airplane! or fall horribly flat?

0 votes