Being the awkward anti-socialite I am, I tend to like my own space so the thought of being in an over-crowded room full of rowdy people frankly gives me uncomfortable shudders down my spine. Here are a few of the reasons why I hate the club scene:

1)I don't smoke, so since the smoking ban, I seem to have been conscripted to be that person who looks after people's coats and bags whilst all the cooler people go out for a cigarette.

2)Also, I don't get drunk and I am also very bad at spotting if people are drunk. So I often end up getting into deep conversations with people that don't give a shit because they're so wasted without noticing that they don't give a shit until I see them collapse about two minutes later.

3)I hate dubstep and techno music. I often leave a club with ringing in my years, making me feel like I have fucking tinnitus. Like being the idiot I am, the first time I heard dubstep I thought it was the fire alarm going off.

4)I hate how some people seem to be there for the sole purpose of taking pictures. I have a theory, that clubbers feel that one day somebody will accuse them some sort of horrible crime and in order to prevent any false accusation from continuing further they feel that they must take a million pictures. One pose after another, as though they needed to prove their own existence, right there, in that moment.

5)I asked my male friends, why do u enjoy being in what is essentially a cramped room full of sweaty, drunk posers. "Because you might get laid ," is the usual response. Really? If that's the only way you can find a partner - preening and jigging about like a desperate animal - you shouldn't be risking  the possibility of breeding in the first place. What's your next trick? Inventing fire?

6)Drugs. I think there has been an increase of drug taking in clubs, either that or I only began really noticing it recently. I have overheard people talking about toxic cocktails of uppers and downers. Which by the way makes no sense, they have the complete opposite effect of each other. I asked somebody about this and apparently people take uppers and then take some downers to take the edge off. Well surely just take less of the uppers. Like, isn't that the equivalent of drinking 10 cups of coffee and then subsequently taking tranquilizers?

I often like to think that perhaps everybody hates clubs, and that all of their behavior is to keep up with the bullshit that a lot of pop songs seem to be selling these days. Like people feel like they should like clubs, because that's what is being portrayed by the coolest artists, and if they were to identify themselves as people that dislike that sort of thing they may be labeled “a weirdo” like myself. Feel free to comment, whether you agree or disagree or perhaps just your opinion on clubs in general.