When you're making a sequel, do you think 'let's release this Direct-to-DVD?'  If you're the film industry any time in the last ten years or so, the answer is 'yes.'  The cost-benefit analysis has come in and the studio executives decided that this is their best chance at making a gross profit.  It's so cold and heartless that it could only come from the Hollywood studio system.  Enough of that that talk, however- let's focus on the crap.  These movies are the cream of the crop of crappy Direct-to-DVD movies.  Most of these are tangentially-related at best or blatant copies of other stories.  If you're looking for something really good, look elsewhere.  If you want to laugh at films that made me suffer, this is the place to be!

12. Mirrors 2: It's not terrible, but it's not really good either.  This sequel is about an angry spirit in a mirror who kills people due to a need for revenge.  How is this related to the original film?  Well, this is done in two ways.  One of them is lazy and another one is confusing.  An off-hand line is tossed out about the mirror possessing the spirit coming from the Mayflower Building (the one from the other film).  The other way is that this film is basically a remake of the original Korean film called Mirrors (roughly-translated), while the film Mirrors was not.  My head hurts.  Oh look, William Katt's here too.

11. The Cell 2: I almost miss J. Lo!  This 'sequel' explains within the first minute or two that it's not a sequel in any way.  No, this film is just about another lady who can tap into people's brains to find a hostage victim.  It's the same movie, but without the stars or clever visuals.  I'm so excited.

10. White Noise 2/Stir of Echoes 2: When you can't pick just one shitty sequel!  Neither film has pretty much anything to do with the original, but they do feature TV stars that couldn't afford to say 'no.'  Nathan Fillion is a guy who can see people who are about to die, so he saves them...but soon learns that there is a price to pay for helping people.  Rob Lowe, on the other hand, is a man haunted by the ghost of people who died near him in Afghanistan, so he must solve a murder in his hometown.  Both films are bleak, depressing and just generally leave very little impression.  If you can't entertain, lean people towards suicide, I guess!

9. Wrong Turn 2 & 3: It's two-for-one shit!  Both sequels to the surprise hit don't stray too far from the core concept...or try anything all that new.  In W.T. 2, a reality show is filmed in the woods, but the inbred cannibals make a buffet out of them.  In W.T. 3, a prison transport and a random hiker are prey for the surviving cannibals and their arrows.  The first sequel is not terrible, but it's very sub-par.  Henry Rollins- you rock, but this movie is still not good.  The third film doesn't even have him.  In his place, a bunch of British actors who start to forget their American accents by the hour mark.  Yea.

8. Vacancy 2- The First Cut: How pointless are you?  The original Vacancy is famous for trying to tap into the mystique of the snuff film.  More importantly, it established that the people who ran the hotel had not been caught until this time.  So, um, what is the point of making a prequel?  Not to spoil anything, but we know what's going to happen!  You're literally spoiling yourself!!!

7. Smokin' Aces 2- Assassin's Ball: You're not as clever as you think.  We have yet another prequel, this time to an action film.  The plot involves an FBI agent being targeted by a group of assassins in a hit that has a time limit on it.  No, really.  The film is fun enough, until it tries to make itself into an elaborate 'heist-style' film and 'explain everything.'  This is not bad in theory, but terrible in execution.  I won't SPOIL what happens, but good look making sense of all of it.

6. Pulse 2 & 3: Ghosts- kill me now!  This pair of sequels to the remake of a Korean horror film that featured a bunch of teen stars.  In Pulse 2, the ghosts overrun the cities, attack people and cause a half-naked John Gulager to jump off of a bridge.  In Pulse 3, a teenage girl abandons her life to get some technology in a scheme that involves nuking the air to kill ghosts.  All you Phelous fans will know how bad these films are, but I should say that I got them first.  That's the bonus us non-Canadians get.  Of course, it would be nice to get good films first too...

5. Joy Ride 2: There's no 'joy' here to be found.  This sequel to the original film is not so much a sequel as it is a remake.  Did we need to see this film again?  The movie also defies logic in several ways, makes you hate its characters and has an ending that is literally a slap in the face to the audience.  Ugh.

4. S. Darko- A Donnie Darko Tale: Who asked for this?!?  Years after the original Donnie Darko became a cult hit and it's star became famous, a Direct-to-DVD sequel was made.  Naturally, the big star is not there, but they did get the actress who played his sister to return.  This is a pseudo-remake that is so convoluted that it hurts.  Seriously, why does this movie exist?!?

3. Boogeyman 2 & 3: Two films that suck on their own, but even worse when viewed together.  Boogeyman 2 is about a serial killer in an insane asylum who rips off Saw...in a film that also features Tobin Bell.  Boogeyman 3 features the titular creature manifesting itself on a college campus due to the fear of its legend.  The problem: the films are related in a very tangential way and in a way that directly contradicts it's own plot.  I won't SPOIL things, but the premise of Boogeyman 3 hinges upon you forgetting about the plot twist from the end of Boogeyman 2.  Oh yeah, it still sucks on its own merits too.

2. Return to Sleepaway Camp: I don't want to go back to camp, mommy!  After a long, un-planned absence, the Sleepaway Camp series returned with its fifth entry.  That is, of course, if you count the unfinished film that was Sleepaway Camp 4 (only available as an extra in the official series DVD set).  This is an awkward film, as it was made by the original director and he chose to ignore Sleepaway Camp 2 and 3's plots.  That's a lot of set-up and distraction for a film that's just painful and dull.  The worst part: the sequels' director is planning his own return to the series!

1. Day of the Dead 2/Creepshow 3: There could be no other choice than this double-dose of crappy, licensed sequels.  Ana Clavell and James Glen Dudelson are the pair responsible for these two films- both licensed by the Taurus Company.  The first film is a prequel to the whole Dead series, but it completely contradicts those films.  Creepshow 3, however, is a loosely-connected set of horror shorts that are not funny, scary or interesting.  The only challenge here: surviving these films.  Well, that and deciding which one is worse.  I can't, so they share the 'spotlight' here.

For more Direct-to-DVD movies, go to my blog.  All of these films are reviewed there...which will save you the trouble of watching 99% of them.

Next up, I take a look at something different- Anime.  What are the craziest animes that have left to get a feature film?  Stay tuned...