Mondo Bizarro's Top 12 Worst Avengers Members of All-Time!
Avengers- assemble! On second thought, some of you can stay put. As a team that has been running strong for around 1,000 issues and hundreds of Writers and Artists over the years, a lot of guys made the team that probably shouldn't have. Many of these characters are not inherently-bad or anything. Quite frankly, when everyone joins a team, it becomes less important to be a member. Haven't we learned the lesson of the nWo?!? What kind of characters made my list? We've got a mysterious man in a scythe, a man who is three times a loser and a guy who has the power to make you horny. If you're not a teenage boy in disguise, you'll probably get a laugh or two out of this. If not, well, there are no refunds. Enjoy... 12. Darkhawk: Your powers are...well, weird. As a costumed hero, Darkhawk has some armor, some wings that allow him to glide on air currents and a gem that shoots energy. None of those are bad, but they aren't exactly all that impressive. Plus, when a character vanishes for a decade and relies on The Runaways to make a minor comeback, what does that say about them? Geez, are they going to give every random guy who can fly an invitation to join the Avengers? Oh wait... 11. Falcon: Thanks a lot, Cap! While I love most things Captain America- I'm excluding you, CapWolf! As Cap's former sidekick (and co-headliner of a comic with him in the '70s), the guy was made an Avenger for a while. Why? I guess they needed a black guy with the power to talk to birds- not command them, mind you. Damn quotas! 10. Living Lightning: Viva la raza! This West Coast Avengers member could, well, turn into a lightning form and throw himself at people. Other than that, his character exists only to establish that Colleges exist in the Marvel Universe, since the character always turns down recruitment to teams since he's 'in college.' There are people that go to College for that long- they're called Doctors! 9. Triathalon aka 3-D Man: Even Kurt Busiek couldn't make you good. This character joined the time after battling Moses Magnum, a man whose name is more awesome than he is. This guy has three times the strength, speed and agility of a normal man. Congratulations, you're an Olympic athlete! They retconned him to allow him to see Skrulls in an attempt to make him important. Did he play an important role in Secret Invasion? No. Okay then. 8. Century: I'm animated! This odd character is notable for joining Force Works, which is itself notable for appearing on the Iron Man animated series. Aside from that, the team and the character have amounted to nothing. Moving on... 7. Rage: Thank you, radioactive steroids! This New Warriors character became an Avenger for a while, before his secret was revealed. His super-strength (though lower than everyone save for the likes of Spider-Man) was due to him being exposed to radiation while trying to save his grandmother. Yeah, he was only 13 when he joined the Avengers, which is why they had to kick him out. On the plus side, his membership was more notable than the one held by... 6. Sandman: Seriously, do you guys have a screening process? It's hard to picture a Spider-Man villain joining the Avengers, but, yeah, that happened. I'm not really sure why, although I do own the Amazing Spider-Man comic where he quits. It's got some great art by Erik Larsen, but it doesn't make the decision to bring him on the team a good idea. 5. Moondragon: Weren't you in Star Trek: The Motion Picture? This odd lady is notable for being bald, having some sort of mental powers and having a really tiny outfit. Basically, picture a more feminine version of Martian Manhunter's original uniform and you get the picture. As a bonus, she hasn't been a member in at least a decade! 4. Stingray: If you can't get Namor, I'm the third best option! No offense to scientists, but you need a good power to be an Avenger. Hank Pym, for example, had a number of abilities, ranging from the ability to shrink to the ability to grow and even the ability to throw a bunch of shrunk down things at people. Seriously, check out Hank Pym in the West Coast Avengers if you doubt me. The point being: this guy has a suit that allows him to breath underwater and move a little faster. I think that's called a wetsuit. 3. Starfox: Sadly, he bears no relation to the videogame. Instead, this guy is from a far-off land and has the ability to affect the emotions of people. You're a shrink? Nope. He would generally use the power to just make people calm, scared or horny. The latter was more for his private life, of course. His best moment came in Incredible Hulk #300 when he was punched into the stratosphere. Good times. 2. Thunderstrike: You're not God of Thunder! This fill-in character was made during the '90s when the powers-that-be thought that Thor was not a character that people could relate to. As such, Eric Masterson was given the mantle of Thor for a while, as part of an Avengers team that included such 'greats' as Black Knight, Crystal and Sersi. Later, they came to their senses and made Masterson into a B-List version called Thunderstrike, who had a limited series, joined the Avengers and died. Does anybody care? 1. D-Man/USAgent: The only thing worse than a wannabe Thor is a pair of wannabe Captain Americas. First up, there's Demolition Man (no, not the movie) aka D-Man. He's a former-sidekick who got frozen, thawed out and moved into the sewers. The other was a fill-in Captain America who was given his own identity and kept popping up on teams, including the West Coast Avengers, Force Works (written out of the Iron Man show though) and as part of the 50 State Initiative. Of course, you're still not Captain America, so...you lose. For more comic and film talk, go to my blog. It has more Riboflavin than most sites. Next up, I take a break from Top 12 Lists to cover a film that even the Nostalgia Critic. That's right- it's the OTHER Animated Titanic spin-off film! Stay tuned...
Comments
Seriously nothing about the fact that D-man there looks like old school Wolverine but smiling? seriously?
he looks more like an old-school Daredevil with Wolverine's mask
Gotta disagree with you on Moondragon; she's actually a pretty compelling character. Though I will admit she stood out more as a member of the Defenders.
Say, if you don't mind a suggestion, I have an idea for a list: The top 12 Penn and Teller tricks.
Whoa, wait, Starfox changed people's emotions, including making them horny so he can score? Good god there are some ethical questions in there. Man, what would professor X have to say.
... Actually, given the way he was reading women's minds to hit on them in First Class, he might sympathize...
I'd say Quicksilver too, cuz he was always a douchenozel.
Feedback-o-rama!
1. I get it, but the Sandman thing is just silly. Especially how it's wrapped up in the comic displayed (which, again, I own).
2. I made a last-minute choice for the D-Man shot between that one and him in his bum outfit. Thus, the whole thing was pretty much written. Besides, that joke writes itself.
3. I don't hate Moondragon. Hell, I barely know the lady. That's kind of my point- she was in The Avengers and didn't leave that much of an impression. As for your suggestion, Pharmmajor, I'll consider it. I'm not a big fan of theirs though, to be honest.
4. It's true, LevelUpLeo, he's kind of a pervert. In Avengers (Vol 3) #4, he actually leaves the big assembly for a pleasure planet with Tigra (who is my #13) and Moondragon. That's both pimp and a bit disturbing.
5. Yeah, I probably could have found a place for Quicksilver. Especially since his '90s run on the team was mostly built around the drama between him and his soon-to-be-ex-wife Crystal. Yes, Kang is attacking, but I want to know who's getting custody!
Thanks for reading and I hope to see you next week. It's going to be...weird. I'm only halfway through the film and my brain is slightly-melted!
Gotta disagree with you on several things
- D-Man was never an Avenger, there was a time in early 90's when the Avengers disbanded, Captain America (in his identity of The Captain) invited him to join to reform the Avengers, but he never had the chance to do it, as he got involved in a battle in the artic against the FlagSmasher, that apparently got him killed, years later he reappeared, alive and living in the sewers like a hobo. He was never an Avenger.
- Force Works =/= Avengers. Forceworks was a group formed by ex-west coast Avengers who were butthurt over having his branch cancelled by the head honchos in the East Coast, during it's short existence the group had no relation with the Avengers aside from being composed of ex-Avengers. Century was not an Avenger.
- While I agree that Moondragon and US Agent aren't exactly the greatest characters ever, they were better Avengers than many other Avengers you could have put in this list. US Agent in particular, he was pretty badass and actually useful in the West Coast Avengers, yet you're putting him in #1 spot while not even including real, useless eyesores like Deathcry, Gilgamesh or the Swordsman.
Sorry, but an Avengers top 10 of shame that doesn't include Deathcry shouldn't be taken seriously, tbh.
Well, allow me to reply to several things then...
1. Maybe, but he did show up in the last revamp of The Avengers by Kurt Busiek for issues #1-4. He was assembled together with the rest of, wait for it, The Avengers.
2. Force Works is a team spun-off from The West Coast Avengers. It's like saying that there is no connection between teams like Young Justice and The Teen Titans. If they're related to each other, they count.
3. I'm judging them solely on their status as memorable characters. US Agent is a character who's most notable for being tossed around between teams, identities and nearly dying all the the time. Moondragon is not a terrible character- she's just not a memorable Avenger.
That said, Deathcry is pretty sucky, Swordsman almost made the list and Gilgamesh is so forgettable that even I forgot him. To be honest, I would have bumped Darkhawk off for him if I had remembered.
Fair enough?
Speaking about Darkhawk, i don't think he should be on a top 10 of shame either. Does he suck? yeah, somewhat. but he didn't stay long enough to have any impact, positive or negative. He joined for just one adventure, ONE, and only as a personal favor to Spiderwoman (Julia Carpenter), and he hardly had any relevance even there. I really dont know how the hell he got credited as a reservist for the WCA later on. There are other characters who had a longer stay, which was most unpleasant for us readers, like Dr. Druid and Silverclaw, and ofc, the three ultra shitty avengers i mentioned before.
1. Even if D-Man has shown his mug here and there with the passing of time, he's still done nothing as an Avenger, he's at most, an honorary member like Rick Jones (just much worse, as Rick has actually accomplished a few things with the team)
2. Different teams, different rules, divergence in goals etc. Century joined Forceworks, not the Avengers, if you're going to include Century just for joining a team that was composed by a few ex-Avengers, you might include the members of the Great Lakes Avengers too, Mockingbird and Hawkeye were members after all
3. Agree with Moondragon, she was a pretty good character in other teams, yet she was awful with the Avengers, still, she deserves props for providing a few good subplots (though all of them as antagonist, lol)
But regarding US Agent, if you have read the entire run of the WCA like i did, you have to agree that he was one of the most prominent characters there, during his stay the book focused a lot on him and his conflicts with his teamates and his role as the hardheaded badass of the team.
Was he the best character there? No, but he had a more important role and was more memorable than, lets say, Tigra, Hellcat, Firebird, the original Human Torch (that piece of trash also deserves a place in the anti-top) or even Quicksilver. Seriously, it's beyond me how can you put US Agent in the #1 spot, or the list at all, when you have things like:
- Deathcry
- Gilgamesh
- Swordsman
- Dr. Druid
- Original Human Torch
- Silverclaw
- Jocasta
- Firebird
- Ant man (scott lang)
- Yellowjacket II
etc
Ok, those were my two cents. but i agree that (with the sole exception of US Agent) all the people in your list really sucked (or woulda) as members of the Avengers.
As for the sandman thing there was a period where he turned into a good guy for a long while until marvel decided that charator growth wasn't a good thing (yeah i'm still mad about this major step backward). Keep in mind that Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch and a handful of other were all villains before joining the team