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Mondo Bizarro's Top 12 Movie Sequels That People Want to Forget!
The only thing more disappointing than a standard, 'by the numbers' sequel is a bad one. Some of them are so bad that we don't want to even acknowledge that they were ever made. You know which ones they are. It's time to break the tradition of silence, however, and out these movies as the Top 12 Movie Sequels That Nobody Wants to Remember. You'll see dancing fat guys, in vitro Satan and the ethnic chick from That '70s Show. These will old wounds I'm re-opening here, but it must be done! Actually, there's no good reason to do this, other than the fact that I feel like it.
Just to note: bad films with equally-bad sequels are excluded. These are the sequels that disappointed us only. Sorry, Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood.
12. Blues Brothers 2000: Ow, my formative years! The sequel to the 1980 classic The Blues Brothers came out 18 years later...and sucked. This movie tried to copy the film's major moments, but just felt cheap. The biggest star of the original film was dead, while the other one had gotten fat...and remained unfunny. Oh yeah, they also threw in a kid too. Lame!
11. La Cage Aux Folles II: This is a shout-out to all you French folks! La Cage Aux Folles aka The Bird Cage is one of the most successful French films of its time. The sequel, however, is incredibly-despised. What happened? Did the Producers mock Jerry Lewis, raise the retirement age and get rid of socialized medicine. Oh, right- this movie is about the famous duo acting as spies. Now, I get it.
10. Omen IV- The Awakening: Even the stigma of being a TV movie sequel to a film series is not the bad part here. While I hate Omen II and, to a lesser extent, Omen III, those films at least wrapped everything up. This film, however, resurrected a dead horse and managed to bore me to death in the process. The change here: the villain is a little girl. Of course, we get a Third Act plot twist that says that Damien is reborn as a conjoined twin on the girl, thanks to a cloning experiment. Ugh.
9. The Sting II: Yes, we can't pretend that this doesn't exist. The original Sting film is a classic- no question about it. The sequel...exists. The only good part about it: it served as a punch-line in an episode of The Simpsons.
8. Book of Shadows- Blair Witch 2: Yeah, I went there! The original Blair Witch film is a hotly-debated classic...if you ask certain people. Other people- i.e. me- wonder why so many people saw a film about people bitching in the woods. The sequel was made at the studio's request and is a giant mess. I've seen the film and I even can't figure out what was supposed to have happened. This is where we get Burn Notice's Jeffrey Donovan though.
7. Jaws 3-D/The Revenge: I can't stop at just one! The two sequels to the classic Jaws and the somewhat-less classic Jaws II are infamous to the point of hatred. The first one- Jaws 3-D- is famous for completely ignoring the other films and shamelessly-schilling for an aquatic park. The other film- Jaws: The Revenge- only features Lorraine Gary (who played the wife) and was only made due to her being married to a studio executive at the time. Seriously- just ask her. She'll say the same thing. We all want to forget the 3-D shark and the shark that roared, but we can't. Oh, how we try though.
6. American Psycho II: This is even more ironic in the wake of Bale's long-overdue Oscar win. The original Psycho is a modern classic, both because of an in spite of the controversy surrounding it. The sequel, well,...it features Mila Kunis and William Shatner. Do I even need to say any more? Okay, but just a little. The film is tangentially-connected, since our heroine/villain was apparently the last victim of Bale's killer (whose face is not shown) and she later became a killer too. Ugh- again.
5. Return of the Living Dead Part 2: Apparently, a lot more of you hate this film than I realized. The original Return is a cult classic among horror fans, while the sequel is quite despised. Why? That film is essentially a remake- featuring many of the same actors- and is done as a wacky comedy. I guess the haters forget that the original is full of silly gags and lines. Either way, it's still more notable than the three sequels- the latter two of which were made for the Sci-Fi Channel.
4. The Hills Have Eyes, Part II: I blame you, dog! This cash-in sequel to the original Wes Craven film is about 60% flashback and 40% crap. In the first forty-minutes or so, they set-up the film by showing you bits of the previous films in flashback. The most epically-bad moment: the dog from the first film has a flashback! Not only that, but its memory was selectively-Edited to cut out the part where he killed Pluto, since he's back for this film.
3. Psycho II-IV: Again- I couldn't pick just one. Honestly, most people don't even see these films before immediately insulting their existence. That said- most of them are not very good. Psycho II has some good moments, but a very odd wrap-up to say the least. It's just the idea that someone would make a sequel- especially after 23 years- that offends people. Just so you know- there is a Birds II as well. Get to hating that film too.
2. Caddyshack II: This is kind of a given, right? Like most people, I love Caddyshack. Caddyshack II, on the other hand, is pretty damn bad. Replacing Rodney Dangerfield with Jackie Mason- bad. Replacing Ted Knight with Robert Stack- bad. Replacing all of the good comedy with crap- unforgivable. Was it really worth the paycheck to come back, Chevy?!?
1. Son of Godzilla: Roar! This film represents an odd moment in the 50+ year history of the Godzilla franchise. With 29 films in the series (so far), it's not hard to imagine some bad films getting in there. However, most of the bad ones have something funny in them- i.e. Jet Jaguar or King Caesar. This film features a talking Godzilla's son and a story that is mostly a dream sequence. Nearly all of its kaiju footage is from another film or two as well! That's just sad.
For more sequels we hate, check out my blog. It loads the spaceship with the rocket fuel.
Up next, I cover even more Asylum films. I can't get enough of this shit- help me!!!! Stay tuned...
Comments
I'm not so sure about No.1
Of all the Godzilla movies "Son of Godzilla" was more average then actually terrible
The worst would most definitely be "Godzilla Vs Hedorah" for hamhanded environmental statements and the utter destruction of Godzilla's character
Odd that you don't mention Highlander II: The Quickening. That's pretty much the Gold standard of horrendous squeals to movies that are actually pretty good. The only problem is that The original "classic"-ly bad theatrical version of this film, where the immortals are explicitly identified as aliens from the planet "Ziest", is now kinda hard to get ahold of, having only been released on VHS. All DVD & Blue-Ray releases are of a later re-edited version that tried to mitigate the damage by removing all explicit references to Ziest & identifying the extended flashback sequence on the formerly alien world only as "A very long time ago", resulting in a film that is even more incoherent, but slightly less jaw-droopingly idiotic.
BTW, I'm pretty sure it was Jackie Mason who served as the stand-in for Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack II, not Jackie Gleason.
Though most people have had the good fortune to forget, they made several sequels to the classic western, The Magnificent Seven. Trust me. They belong on your list.
1. 'Transformers 2' does suck mightily, but it's too recent for the list, GuineaPig. If I update this thing in 5 to 10 years, absolutely it's in the Top 5.
2. 'Godzilla vs. Hedorah' doesn't count because it features one of those 'moments with something funny in them.' It's either the random lizard scene, Godzilla pulling those 'orbs' out of Hedorah or Godzilla flying. None of that is here, Daioh.
3. Honestly, I forgot about 'Highlander 2.' I just proved the point of my own blog post, huh? Seriously though, I'm torn on it because it definitely deserves a high spot- probably 3 or 4. On the other hand, it is a constant target. It's just not hard to make fun of at this point, Flaregun.
4. You make both a good point and bad point at once, HatMan. Most people don't remember that they were ever made, but a lot of people never saw them either. They're just not quite reviled enough for the list.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy next week's tribute to more Asylum crap.
-Mondo Bizarro
2. 'Godzilla vs. Hedorah' doesn't count because it features one of those 'moments with something funny in them.' It's either the random lizard scene, Godzilla pulling those 'orbs' out of Hedorah or Godzilla flying. None of that is here, Daioh.
Fair enough
But I didn't think the few moments in Hedorah were enough to redeem (And I found the Flying Godzilla to just be incredibly stupid compared to other more funny Godzilla moments)and so it will always rank as the lowest Godzilla movie for me so far
Replacing Rodney Dangerfield with Jackie Gleason could have made it fare better than it did. Unfortunately, they picked Jackie Mason instead. And why even pose the final question? Of course the paycheck was worth it; this is Chevy we're talking about.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.
Come on, you have to squeeze it in there somewhere. This movie was like taking my skull and rubbing it against a cabbage shredder until my medulla oblongata was nothing but a pile of Taco Bell meat.