Tiny dolls, killer eyes and alien fiends- that's Full Moon for you.

Full Moon Entertainment has been a staple of the home video market for the twenty-five odd years.  They're the guys behind the Puppet Master films, as well as a slew of others.  They are notable for their weird gimmicks and insistence that sequels are a sure-fire way to go.  Case in point: Killjoy 3.  Second case in point: Evil Bong 2.  So what happens when you have a company that makes so many films and so many sequels to weird films?  Why even more weird films and gimmicks, of course!  Let's take a closer look at some of the weirdest movie monsters that the company has spawned....

12. Dangerous Worry Dolls: Let's start off with a film that isn't quite what it sounds like.  A woman is sent to jail for a minor offense and gets bullied by some women.  Naturally, she uses some South American dolls to get revenge.  By the way, in case you didn't already know, get used to the words 'dolls' in this list.  Unlike the other films, the monsters are represented by weird mutations done to our heroine. Yeah, I bet you didn't see that coming, did you?!?

11. Ragdoll: When you cross two bad ideas together, you get an even worse one.  Basically, this obscure Full Moon film is a cross between Black Devil Doll From Hell and Child's Play.  I haven't really seen it, but do I even need to?  Can Full Moon do ghetto?  Considering how well the Leprechaun series did, I'm going to just assume that the answer is 'no' and move on with my life.

10. Blood Dolls: I spoke about this film before, so I'll be brief here.  Man with tiny head- apparently related to someone from Head of the Family, I'm told- turns people into tiny dolls to kill a woman who looks like a slutty Tina Fey, as well as her companions.  Basically, it's The Abominable Dr. Phibes, just with bad acting and puppet rejects from Small Soldiers.  Nothing all that crazy, save for the Chinese lady turned into a Geisha doll.  By the way, the magic 'doll transformation ray' also changes your clothes.  Go figure.

9. Murdercycle: Do I even need to say anything?  A man and his motorcycle get exposed to radiation coming from a comet & turn into deadly killing machines.  It is silly, makes no sense and has a pun title.  Oh yeah, it also has a -38 rating from Something Awful.  Satisfied?

8. Dr. Alien: A sex comedy from the makers of Galactic Gigolo- oh boy.  A nerdy kid gets exposed to some alien technology and gains the ability to arouse women.  I guess it turns him into the Jonas Brothers.  This film's finale involves half-naked women, a rock band led by Ginger Lynn Allen and an alien with a laser beam.  It's also an early work by David DeCoteau, the man behind a recent Cinema Snob review- The Creepozoids.  Is your bar set low enough now?

7. Doll Graveyard: The only star to come from this film is a girl who appears in a Just For Men ad.  A girl is killed and buried with her collection of racist dolls, which just happen to get dug up in the present day.  A small group of 'teens' is attacked by the tiny creatures, including a black Tribal doll, a Samurai doll and a German Blitzkrieg doll.  Oh yeah, some dead girl ghost action occurs too, but it's just filler.  If you ever wanted to see a drunk idiot talk to a racist doll, this is your film! 

6. Trancers 6: After a several year delay, this sequel was made...without it's star.  The lead is sent into the past in the body of his own daughter (from when he was there).  This is an excuse to get rid of Tim Thomerson and introduce some new Trancers.  These guys appear to be aliens stolen from Grant Morrison's design for the White Martians in 'JLA' and use a laser gun powered by a hunk of comet.  Hey, remember when all of the Trancers were destroyed forever in Trancers 3?  Yeah, what about that?

5. Puppet Master 4-5: Out of all nine films, I had to include at least one here.  These two films make this particular list for trying some new stuff out.  Both films feature the killer dolls as heroes- why not- who must battle some new threats.  In Part 4, they battle demonic dolls (not the ones you think) alongside a new, robotic doll known as Decapitron.  No, really.  In Part 5, they close up the series (for four years) with another battle with the Totem Demons.  For a series that has included puppets fighting Naziis, a dead guy being reborn as a giant doll and a film that's 80% stock footage, these still stand out as odd.

4. Evil Bong 1-2: I won't pretend to dignify this crap with much logic.  Basically, an evil spirit is in a bong and wreaks havoc.  Since he was fresh out of jail, Tommy Chong shows up to help pay for his car.  The film also features bizarre cameos by Tim Thomerson (as his Trancers character), the black doll from Doll Graveyard, the Gingerdead Man, one of the Demonic Toys and Bill Moseley.  They even made a sequel called Evil Bong 2: King Bong.  No comment.

3. The Killer Eye: No Full Moon name does not keep it from being a Full Moon film.  An experimental eye surgery involving inter-dimensional energy goes awry- who would have guessed?  A creepy, floating eye wanders around using his powers to...make people have sex and/or touch themselves.  This movie is about 70% sex scenes, drawn out to the point where even human copulation is boring!  The film also ends with a sequel-bait set-up that has yet to be followed-up on since it's release in 1997. 

2. The Creeps: It's like your favorite horror monsters, but tiny!  A man tries to use a device to turn the manuscripts of books like Dracula and Frankenstein into the real monsters.  When the girl used as bait for the monsters interrupts the ceremony, they still get revived...as midgets.  No, really.  Famous B-movie midget Phil Fondacaro (of Troll fame) stars as Dracula and is actually good here.  The film is still terrible, don't get me wrong, but he's good in it.  The film goes off on weird tangents that include a woman masturbating against a book, a woman being turned into a Valkyrie and a midget werewolf drooling on a camera.  Eew.

1. The Gingerdead Man 1-3: I feel dumb just writing this.  A weird idea was born from Full Moon in The Gingerdead Man.  Featuring a cameo by Gary Busey, the tale involves a killer dying and being reborn as a pastry.  These guys clearly have the best weed around!  Two sequels have been made (the latter is not out yet) that are notable for their pun titles.  The first- The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust.  The second- The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver.  I wish I was making this shit up, but I'm not.

For more reviews of Full Moon crap, go to my blog.  It has bees, my God.

Up next, I take a couple pot shots at one of the silliest horror franchises- The Amityville Horror.  With eight films, I think I've got another material for a Top 12.  Stay tuned...