Da Pro: Lousy Villains We Adore 20 (and Top 6 Lousy Earthworm Jim Villains Week): Bob the Killer Goldfish
Oh hai guys!
LOUZY VILLIN WEE ADORE TOP SIX WEEK: EARTHWORM JIM
Number 4: Bob the Killer Goldfish
From the planet known as La Planeta de Agua (Arriba!) comes the diabolical goldfish known as Bob. Never a goldfish has displayed so much interest in conquering the Universe.
Instant evil just add cat minion.
Where to start, where to start... oh, right. He is a goldfish. He is evil. Erm... man, this paragraph says why he is so awesome. He is a goldfish. Who is evil. One could say, an evil goldfish. A goldfish who does evil stuff.
Ahem.
However, while it is true you only need to say his full name to convince people this villain is both awesome and lousy, there is much more to this goldfish than that. Reasons why Bob is awesome.
Bob, trying to look aloof.
One:
His minions are cats. Yeah, you heard me right. His minions are cats.
For you see, Bob is really just a goldfish. Diabolical, yes, but still a
goldfish. He lacks the power to, you know, walk and stuff. So he's got
big, bulky cat minions, one of them (number 4) who carries his fishbowl
around. Even when, you know, they go underwater. A cat carrying a bowl
with a goldfish in it underwater - you ain't seen it, you ain't seen
life.
Bob the Goldfish applied once for a job as a GPS. I wonder how that went.
Two:
He's got that southern accent. That makes him sound like a
televangelist.A televangelist who spends all his day ordering other fish
to "GO FORTH AND DESTROY! DESTROY! DESTROOOY!". Of course, the other
goldfish being regular goldfish, don't understand him, so they just
ignore Bob. (and when he mutates them into intelligent fish with huge
brains, they turn against him since he's a sociopath or something.
Proving my life-long motto: NOT EVERY SMART FISH WANTS TO CONQUER THE
UNIVERSE. Goldy told me to say that - he's sick of all the prejudice
against smart fishes (call for help! He's threatening me with a pointed
stick!).
Three: HE'S AN EVIL GOLDFISH.
Sad Bob. Yup, just that.
Four: EVIL. GOLDFISH.
The fact that he's a fish is actually the only reason Bob doesn't rule the Universe yet. Can't help but to feel sorry for the guy, huh? He could be up there, but he was born like that. A good and smart blogger would now start theorizing and philosophizing. Thank God I ain't a good or a smart blogger.
Bob making one of his evil devices. I can almost feel his suffering.
In conclusion, EVIL GOLDFISH. Also, number 4 in my list. Tune in tomorrow for number 3.
EVIL INDEX which is sadly NOT a goldfish.
Tomorrow... number 3. I wonder...?
Comments
It's one of those cases of "short but sweet". Just why do they cancel these pearls?
Probably because they're not as 'safe' as the more typical cliched stuff. The same reason Disney has been tacking the exact same ending on every one of its movies since the 90s. (Someday I'll blog about how much I hate the typical Disney ending).
I didn't even get a chance at Freakazoid. 
Yeah, that's a subject worth blogging on. I enjoy a Disney ending, but after twenty years of movies with that kind of ending, it gets very old very fast.
You didn't get a chance at Freakazoid? That sucks - it is awesome!
An evil goldfish with a Southern accent... That has got to be one of the most epic things I've ever seen! Almost makes me want to get a goldfish... But then again I'd have to feed it and walk it and be its minion... The woobie is no one's minion. She HAS minions.
Also, Bob is an awesome name. Can't WAIT to see number three!
Yes, and that would mean I'd be the minion of a minion of a goldfish - how low is that?
If my math is right, this is now the 4th villain voiced by Jim Cummings to appear on your chart (along with Sonic SATAM's Robotnik, later incarnations of Pete, and Psy-Crow). The man clearly has a knack for voicing memorable baddies.
Actually, fifth, since Gilgamesh in Final Fantasy 12 was also voiced by him (and he did a damn good job at it, too!). Yes, Jim Cummings is one versatile voice actor - my favorite.
Which means 1/4 of my Lousy Villains were voiced by that guy. Damn, that's a lot!
Definitely. If Don Karnage ever gets inducted, that will really tip the scales towards Jim.
Jim Cummings does ALOT of work. And has been for a LONG time. Not just villains either. Anyone remember Bump in the Night?
And of course he pretty much single-handedly voices every Winnie the Pooh character since Paul Winchell died. (Disney continues to rape Pooh-bear's plump yellow asshole but Jim Cummings still does incredibly good voice work for them)
As far as I'm concerned, Jim is the best.
Yeah, I can almost always recognize a Jim Cummings voice. Especially his typical 'villain' voice. I've heard his voice so many times and in so many different forms, he really feels like an old friend that I've never met.
Awesome Da Pro. I only ever got one Earth Worm Jim figure as a kid and that was Bob the Goldfish with one of his feline hench man. Thining about it, I suppose that counts as two figures and not one . . . RESULT!
There were figures? WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED. I want a Psy-Crow figure! One that says "... The cow thing?" and "The worst thing is when people ask villainy advice. You know. How do I steal this? How do I utterly destroy that? Hey, hey! I'm off duty, pal!" when you press a tiny button!
Ha, I wish I'd had more time with Earthworm Jim before its inevitable cancellation.