Da Pro: Greetings fellow bloggers. This is Da Pro, a person some may recognize if you’ve been part of this community for longer than it’s safe for one’s physical and mental health. Nah, I kid, the community is awesome. Anyway! Welcome to today’s entry of...

LOUZY VILLINS WEE ADORE

Know what series of games has amazing lousy villains? Sly Cooper.

The trilogy has enough lousy villains to keep a blogger busy for years! Mechanical owls, bulldogs with guns (at least I think that was a bulldog), pyromaniac panda bears, psychiatrist spiders and opera-singing lions. All of them a strange mix between comical and awesome.
With me today I have the one and only Pharmmajor, with whom I have already collaborated in the past [link to Brain blog]. He got the most difficult task in the whole process, which was picking, out of a selection of wonderfully comical villains, just one to be showcased in today’s “Lousy Villains We Adore”. Pharmmajor, first of all thank you for suggesting this collaboration – it’s always a pleasure to work with you! Say, who did you pick?

Pharmmajor: Great to be back, Da Pro. And thanks again for letting me choose which of Sly Cooper's oddball enemies to highlight. Going into this, I knew that out of all the colorful rogues that challenged the Cooper Gang, one stole the show better than any of the others could. A greasy-sweet lounge lizard with a crazy kinetic style that just can't be copied, which is ironic considering his first foray into crime was forgery and counterfeiting. That's right - we're talking about Dimitri Lousteau.

Funky.

Da Pro: Dimitri Lousteau! When he was a child, listening to the stories of his grandfather Reme Lousteau about skin diving and salvaging pirate treasure, no one would say he would become a big time criminal! Sadly, when he grew up and became an artist, people didn’t care much for his kinetic aesthetic art style – possibly because it was just him swinging from a rope while painting. But young Dimitri wouldn’t have it! If his original work wasn’t appreciated, he would start forging masterpieces, punishing those that had shunned his artistic ability while making a pretty big fortune.

Pharmmajor: With the money made from his forgeries, Dimitri indulged in his swinger lifestyle by opening a nightclub in the west side of Paris. Patrons flocked from all over the city for music, good drinks, and some underworld intrigue. Eventually, Dimitri attracted the attention of the international crime syndicate known as the Klaww Gang, who hoped to use the club as a front for shipping illegal spice (the Sly Cooper world's substitute drug of choice). They also gave the larcenous lizard the duty of bankrolling the gang's operations, outfitting him with a high-tech counterfeiting machine that could produce thousands of sheets of fake money each day. What gave the machine its unique quality was the incredibly durable printing plates that had been made from the tail feathers of Clockwerk, a sociopathic robotic owl who had antagonized the Cooper clan for centuries, even killing Sly's parents. This made Dimitri a prime target for Cooper, who was out to gather all of Clockwerk's parts to ensure that he could never again be rebuilt. And so the stage was set one night in Paris, for a showdown between a jive-turkey counterfeiting lizard and a master thief raccoon.

Da Pro: After a complicated caper dubbed Operation Thunder Beak, these two finally faced off as Sly was attempting to steal the feathers from the printing press. To be honest, Dimitri didn’t really want any conflict. In his own words, he could see the thief was “a man with taste, style, vision, a connoisseur of finer things”, like himself. So he offered him as much fake money as the raccoon wanted in order to be left alone. Sadly for both, the only thing Sly wanted was the Clockwerk tail feathers, which was the only thing Dimitri wasn’t willing to part with. After a long argument, Sly said that Dimitri’s suit sucked. Shocked, the lizard gasped. Cooper had crossed the line. The battle was on.

Pharmmajor: Regretfully, Dimitri was not much of a fighter. Even armed with a gun (which, unfortunately for him, would fail frequently), the lizard was easily bested by Sly, losing the tail feathers and his club. After this debacle, Dimitri tried to go straight by landing a job as a dance instructor on a cruise ship. But he quickly returned to his criminal ways, winding up in prison once again.

Dimitri's debut appearance was hilarious. If you've ever seen the "Two Wild and Crazy Guys" sketch that Steve Martin and Dan Ackroyd used to perform on old episodes of SNL, I think you'll see where some of this inspiration came from. He tried to put himself forward as a real cool guy, a smooth party animal, but the execution was poorly handled. Every time he talked, Sly (and probably his henchmen) were baffled by his excessive slang and relying on phrases such as "greasy sweet" and "bling bling", all delivered in a European accent that was harder to place than Tommy Wiseau's. This could probably be due to the fact that Dimitri learned all of his English from watching hip-hop videos.

Da Pro: I wasn't familiar with the sketch, but after watching it, I must say there's an obvious similarity there, and I can see how Dimitri could be inspired by, or a reference to, those two guys.

Every little thing about Dimitri is hilarious. The way he talks is the most obvious one, but even the way he is animated fits the character extremely well - just by the way he walks, you can see he is really trying too hard to be cool and hip. And during the fight with Sly he looks like he's dancing! When he isn't, you know, getting hit. He also, even in this first appearance, showed he was an extremely cocky person; while he was praising Cooper, he added, in the end of the sentence, "Like me". He keeps reminding you that others may be cool alright, but no one out-cools Dimitri, and it's useless even to try.

I sometimes wonder if he also uses all that slang while speaking in his first language, or if it's just because of the way he learned English.

Anyway, the producers of the game must have realized Dimitri was a great character, because his role in Sly 3 was even bigger than the one he had in Sly 2, and the character was further developed.

Pharmmajor: The developers knew how to handle Dimitri properly for his return. While he still maintained his quirky speech and characteristics, they weren't overblown to the point of caricature, and he even got some real development. But he was still totally hilarious and stole every scene he was in. In Sly 3, Cooper encounters Dimitri locked up in a Venetian prison. Still bitter at his defeat, the lizard isn't in any mood to help the "cracker box" raccoon and threatens to alert the police to his presence, but Sly managed to cut a deal with him: he'd free Dimitri in exchange for help finding former Cooper gang member Murray the hippo. Dimitri agreed, and was soon set loose, fulfilling his end of the bargain.

The Cooper gang crossed paths again with Dimitri in Holland while they were seeking the aid of a master mechanic named Penelope to help break into the Cooper family vault. The iguana had been hired to provide color commentary for a dogfighting tournament sponsored by a reclusive pilot known as The Baron... who also happened to be Penelope's employer. Knowing that beating the Baron in a match would get them close to their expert, the gang sought him out for information on the tournament roster that would help them sabotage the competition. Dimitri agreed, but only if Cooper would do him a favor. As he put it, "This no small time favor like 'Will you water my fish or feed my plant?' No way, bro! This old-school mafia, blood pact favor, like movies, big time." Sly agreed, and months later Dimitri called the gang to Blood-Bath Bay in the Carribean to collect on his favor - help him retrieve his grandfather Remy's diving equipment and salvaged treasure.

Smooth!

Da Pro: But it’s never that easy, is it? The diving equipment and treasure that had once belonged to Reme had been stolen by a pirate by the name of Black Spot Pete (who buried it like all proper pirates do with their treasure). However, when the dreaded captain LeFwee, an even pirate-r pirate, moved in, he took the treasure map from Pete, who was reduced to spending his days drinking, engaging in insult duels to kill time.

The gang ‘acquired’ the diving gear, but in doing so got the attention of LeFwee and his pirates. The gang’s ship was no match for LeFwee’s fleet and Sly’s gang knew it, so they decided to salvage some cannon amplifiers from the shipwreck that Reme had discovered so they could stand a chance. It was time for Dimitri to don his grandfather’s diving gear and a harpoon gun, and honor the name Lousteau.

Pharmmajor: And Dimitri certainly did his grandfather proud, proving himself to be a skilled diver as well as a formidable opponent with a spear gun. Braving shark infested waters, he successfully acquired all the parts necessary for the Cooper gang to take on LeFwee. Once the pirate had been sent to sleep with the fishes, Dimitri decided to join the gang in their quest to open the Cooper vault... even though no one had asked him to become a member. But again he showed that he was a great frogman, fending off the aquatic creatures that the criminal scientist Dr. M had created to keep outsiders from getting near the island where the vault was kept. After the vault had been cracked, Dimitri left the team to pursue a new career as a professional skin diver, earning a celebrity status that bought him the fame, riches, and lovely ladies he always desired.

Dimitri's personality shone as a member of the Cooper Gang. It was hilarious seeing him bounce his slang and "style" off of the others while trying to fit in. He still felt like he was the coolest around, but wasn't trying to let his ego get the best of him. He even complimented Bentley by saying the turtle had his own style to be proud of. Some of his best moments were his attempts at flirting with Penelope. It was hilarious to see this self-proclaimed lothario strike out so badly.

Greasy sweet!

His appeal is still evident, as Dimitri has been hinted at appearing in the upcoming fourth Sly Cooper game, Thieves in Time. What role he'll play, and how big his part will be, is still unknown. But it's a sure thing that this larcenous lizard will continue to amuse fans of the series.

Da Pro: Dimitri. He can paint while hanging from a rope, forge masterpieces, print money, run a nightclub, provide commentary for dogfights, and kill sharks and mutated fish monsters. Not bad for this cool-blooded animal's resume, is it? Of course, Sly 4 is still to come. What other misadventures will Dimitri be in? Only time will tell.

And so I think we have reached the end of this blog. And one thing is for sure: we didn't say everything there is about this wonderful character, but we got as close as possible! For more, you'd have to play the games and know Dimitri firsthand.

But before we're done, I'd like to thank Pharmmajor for blogging with me once again. Always a pleasure to work with you - and if you ever wish to write another collaboration, my friend, I'll be happy to!

Pharmmajor: Thanks again, Pro. I'm always happy to work with you.

For any of you who are interested in learning more about Dimitri and what makes him so appealing, I highly recommend picking up the Sly Cooper collection for the PS3. Guarantee that you'll love him, and all the other quirky villains featured. Until then, as our featured felon would say, "smokey alert, freak out!"

For other greasy sweet blogs about villains, click here. Stay funky!