WARNING: THIS BLOG MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF LOZCHIC AND DA PRO

(yes, this isn't the first time I make this joke)

Summary: Chrono Trigger has a very interesting story. Unlike most RPGs, where the hero knows the crisis of the world or goes off on a journey. The game starts off with a festival. Our main hero, Chrono wakes up one morning and goes to his town's festival, the Millennial Festival. There, he bumps into a girl named Marle and he takes her to some of the attractions. On of his attractions is a teleporter, created by his friend Lucca and during a test run of it, causes a rip in time and space to appear sucking in Marle taking her to the middle ages. It's during this time when the true adventure begins.

After Lucca and Chrono save Marle and return from the middle ages, they return home only to rush away into a distant future using the portal created from Lucca's machine and a key she created to manipulate the rift in time. It's during that bleak future they all discover that an alien being, named Lavos appears and destroys the world creating the future they see. It's with this discovery the friends decided to go through time and try to stop Lavos before it destroys the world.

Throughout the course of their journey, they meet new friends and learn new things about Lavos. After a while, it leads them to a magical and technological period of time called Antiquity. Antiquity was thousands of years before the stone age. In this time period, the enlightened ones or magic users live on islands several feet above the world. There they are ruled by the Zeal empire and live in harmony. However, in recent times the Queen discovered a new source of magical energy. A source that is Lavos' own powers and has descended into madness. And it is in this time period, we meet a very ineffectual villain.

Da Pro: Hello, fellow friends and friends and bloggers! This is Da Pro and I'm here to day with our very own Lozchic, to talk about a very interesting - and ineffectual - villain, if a bit obscure.

As you know if you read the summary above (thanks Lozzie), we're talking about the game Chrono Trigger. And if you played the game Chrono Trigger (which I would advise you to if you're a fan of RPGs) you know we are talking about Dalton, General, Advisor, and for a moment self-proclaimed King of Zeal.

Why the eye patch? Well, you know when you parents used to tell you not to run with scissors?

He is Lousy, he is a Villain, and we Adore him. Which means he is a...

LOUZY VILLIN WEE ADORE.

Lozchic: What makes Dalton...special as a villain is how each of his tactics fail and what he says. When the heroes first meet him, it's during a time when the Queen of Zeal and her advisors suspect them of trying to over throw the kingdom. It's here that Dalton becomes useful and summons a Golem to try to kill the heroes. The first attempt succeeds and the heroes are taking in as prisoners.

So there I was being an ugly Golem...

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Lozchic, that sounds like Dalton isn't a louzy villain?" Hang on, I'm not finished yet. It gets better.

Princess Schala, the queen's daughter frees Chrono and his friends from their prison. And after a few side quests, they return to try and stop the Queen from resurrecting Lavos in the underground palace, the Ocean Palace. It's there that Dalton tries to stop them again with two Golems and epically fails. But sadly the heroes arrive too late to stop the Queen of Zeal and she manages to resurrect Lavos, causing the Ocean Palace to raise out of the ground and the queen proclaims herself to be beyond a queen anymore.

It's during this time Dalton decides to proclaim himself as the new ruler of Antiquity and this is where the shenanigans begin.

Bwahahaha! Now all the cookies shall belong to me! Me, I say!

Da Pro: And so, amongst other time-warping occurrences (it's a game about time traveling! Think Dr. Who with a sword-wielding frog) that added to Chrono Trigger's complex and beautiful plot, a resurrected Lavos destroys the Kingdom of Zeal, and the few survivors form a village. There, our good friend Dalton makes his move, declaring himself King of the aptly named Kingdom of Dalton!

Oh my!

So the party confronts him, and he mentions he has their little time machine airship thing parked outside the village, and that all their time machines are belong to him. Then and what does he do? He somehow manages to beat them. I don't quite remember how, but I believe it involved deflected fireballs, cursing one's luck, and a scream of "What's that?!?".

And that's pretty much the only thing he does right during the whole game, I believe.

Lozchic: Yup, pretty much.

Literally, folks. The screen goes black and the heroes are found in the Zeal's airship. After our heroes explore the airship and retrieve their belongings. The face off against Dalton's minion on the wing of the airship, the king of all Golems....who turns out to be afraid of heights. LAME! The monster chickens out and of course the heroes win the battle with ease.

So there I was being a Palette Swap...

....I think after that Dalton arrives in the time machine, now newly modified as an airship. ...*researches*

Hello, ladies. Like my ride? *wink*

Da Pro: ...yes, something like that I think. He calls it The Dalton Imperial or something. He sure likes his own name!

And then the party fights Dalton. It's not much of a boss battle either - it ends as fast as it starts. When he realizes he's losing, he tries to summon the Golem Boss again... but something goes wrong and he's sucked into the portal he created. And this is the last we see of King Dalton... unless you played the DS version of the game, I believe, in which case he shows up for another failed attempt at being actually decent.

Lozchic: Indeed, in the DS version of the game dimensional rifts open up. If you travel and explore each one, eventually you'll get tossed into a battle with Dalton. ...he fails once again and claims to one day destroy the kingdom that Chrono, Lucca, and Marle hail from. *coughforeshadowingcough*

Of course, it's assumed he's the cause of what happened in Chrono Crusade. But in my mind, it doesn't count. Dalton is full of fail. Don't believe me? Well, here's an example. This is what he says before he battles the heroes with their stolen time machine:

*plays Chrono Trigger theme*
Dalton: No, no, no, no...
Dalton: Stop the music!
*starts playing intense chase theme*
Dalton: Ha! There we go!

Da Pro: No matter how you look at him - he fails at pretty much everything he does! He's actually a pretty powerful mage, but he never EVER manages to do things right. You either don't fight him at all because he summons his golem minions, or you do fight him... and something happens, often hilarious, often fault of his own FAILness, that makes the battle abruptly end. So every battle against him is a literal joke.

And then there are his deliciously funny lines!

Dalton: We have it off, Houston!
[flies away]

Lozchic: And there you have it folks. A villain that was a powerful mage but managed to epically fail through pure conceitedness and hilarious escapades. If anything, there is only one other Chrono Trigger villain that may usurp him. But hopefully that will be covered another time. ;)

Da Pro: Indeed! We'll let the suspense build up a little now. OOOooooOOOoo...

But for now...

We were Lozchic and Da Pro, and this was a blog on Dalton! Tune in next time for some more lousy villains!

*whistles a tune*

Clicky.