Movie Curiosities

When I first saw The Avengers, it had already made millions of dollars. When I saw The Avengers a second time, it had just crossed the billion-dollar mark worldwide. The global tally had even beaten that of The Dark Knight, which -- lest we forget -- went on to become the #2 highest domestic grosser of all time until Avatar. This became the first film in history to make over $100 million domestic during its second week in theaters. Allegedly, the film has made so much money for Disney (who somehow wrangled the distribution rights away from Paramount, along with those of the upcoming Iron Man 3) that it completely wiped out all the red ink left over from John Carter.

So now the question on everyone's mind is "Can it topple Avatar?" Personally, I think that it's still a tough call, but I wouldn't bet on it. Leaving aside the matter that The Avengers is far and away a better film than Avatar, there's the matter of release dates to consider. Avatar had a late December release date, which meant that it had to contend with January and February releases. Remember, those two months are traditionally the studio dumping grounds. Compare that to The Avengers, which comes at the front end of 2012's summer movie season.

Then again, it's not like Avengers has much in the way of competition in the immediate future. Dark Shadows? Yeah, that film tried and bit the dust. Battleship? All signs point to that one flopping once it hits the States. Prometheus?

...Okay, so that gives Avengers the entire month of May to run uncontested. Even so, it's worth remembering that there's a reason why Avengers is making so much money: Everyone wants to go see it and see it again. Everyone. Somehow, the people at Marvel created a film that appeals equally to people of all ages and all demographics. It appeals to people who are die-hard geeks, to people who've never read a comic book, and to people who can't normally be coaxed into a theater.

Somehow, I doubt that we'll be able to say the same about Prometheus. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it'll be a very good movie, but I can't imagine quite as many parents taking their kids to see it. I don't think that laypeople will be quite as excited about it, especially since Fox has gone to such inexplicably great lengths in hiding the fact that it's so obviously an Alien prequel. The point being that Avengers has a huge crossover charm that Prometheus just doesn't. The Dark Knight Rises might have it, though. And no matter who loses the Avengers vs. Dark Knight box office battle, we all win. But I digress.

It's hard to know where to begin describing The Pirates! Band of Misfits, just because of how extraordinarily silly it is. How silly is it? The main characters are never given names. The film follows a pirate captain who's only ever referred to as Pirate Captain. That's seriously his name. By the same token, the first mate is known exclusively as "Number Two." There's also a female pirate in their crew who's obviously and transparently disguised as a man, but they just call her "The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate." That's the only name she gets in the film, and everybody is totally oblivious to the fact that she's so clearly a woman. That's the joke.

It should be obvious very early in the proceedings that this movie works entirely on its own demented form of logic. This isn't just a silly movie, it's a movie that knows exactly how silly it is and positively revels in it. Yet the characters play all the self-referential humor completely straight, which actually makes it funny.

It's a time-tested approach to comedy, though it only tends to work if there's some baseline of normalcy to contrast the weirdness against. The film provides two such sounding boards. One of them is Number Two -- voiced by Martin Freeman -- who's probably the only member of the crew without any quirks at all. He's effectively the crew's moral compass and voice of reason, not that his guidance is heeded 100 percent of the time.

The other source of normalcy is provided by the Pirate Captain himself (voiced by Hugh Grant). It's established early on that he's a devoted Pirate Captain with a loyal crew, despite the fact that they're all horrible fuckups. Here's a guy who tries his absolute hardest to get some measure of appreciation from his peers, only fail repeatedly and get ridiculed on a constant basis. Even if the Pirate Captain is a total idiot who acts in outlandish ways, the character -- and also the story -- are given a perfectly relateable foundation for us to latch onto. Of course, the Pirate Captain is so pathetically inept and his rivals are badass to such a ridiculous degree (one of them rides a sperm whale into a bar, for Neptune's sake) that the contrast is hilarious in execution.

So through the first half hour of the movie or so, everything's going great. We meet the Pirate Captain and his crew. We meet the psychopathic Queen Victoria, voiced by Imelda Staunton in a performance that makes Dolores Umbridge look well-adjusted. We get a few laughs courtesy of Pirate Captain's rivals (voiced by Jeremy Piven, Salma Hayek, and Lenny Henry) as well as their competition for the coveted "Pirate of the Year Award." We also get a sequence to show the Pirate Captain's repeated failures at pulling off a raid.

Take a look at this.

That bit of craziness was the trailer for The Devil's Carnival, a rock opera short film from the people who made Repo! The Genetic Opera. My information about the film is very slim, but one of my favorite film critics highly recommended it as a twisted, entertaining, and highly creative piece of cinema. And just last night, the Clinton Street Theater had it for a one-night-only engagement, with director Darren Lynn Bousman and writer/actor Terrance Zdunich in attendance for a Q&A after the show.

Alas, I couldn't make it work within my schedule, and the ticket cost more than I was willing to pay. I had to console myself with watching the latest Tim Burton movie instead. Given Burton's track record lately, this was sort of like losing a dollar and finding a quarter. Actually, given that the Tim Burton movie in question was Dark Shadows, it was more like losing a dollar and finding a Canadian penny.

To start with, I should point out that I claim precisely zero knowledge of the original TV show. I have absolutely no idea if the film's premise or execution adhere to the source material, so adjust your expectations accordingly.

Our story begins in 1760, when the wealthy and powerful Collins family travel abroad from Liverpool to establish their business in America. Over time, the Collins become so successful that the Maine town of Collinsport and the enormous family mansion of Collinwood are both built on the foundation of the Collins' fishing business. Unfortunately, the Collins have a maid in their employ who just happens to be a witch.

The essence of being a geek is passion. It's all about openly loving something to an unreasonable level and sharing that love with other like-minded people. Naturally, this involves huge shows of proud affection -- cosplaying, taking part in viral ad campaigns, etc. -- when the Powers That Be launch something new in a franchise popular with geeks.

So here comes The Avengers, which is easily the most ambitious superhero movie released since Bryan Singer brought the X-Men to theaters. Hell, it may well be the most ambitious superhero film of all time. So when four A-list superheroes assemble with a powerful supporting cast to fight an army of aliens led by the God of Mischief in a multi-million dollar film made by Joss friggin' Whedon, geeks are naturally going to do what they do and go crazy with excitement.

But not me.

I've been trying as hard as possible to keep my expectations in check for the past few days. As soon as I bought my ticket for the midnight premiere a couple of weeks ago (though I suppose that ticket was sold when Nick Fury stepped out of the shadows four years ago), I decided that I didn't need to be hyped up any more. I didn't need any more promo clips, spoilers, or ads to sell me on the film. I didn't want to revisit the previous films, and I didn't want to read any reviews, other than to answer the bottom-line question of "Is it good?"

Partly for my own enlightenment, and partly because today's movie was coming out, I recently bought and read a compilation of the poems and short stories of Edgar Allen Poe. And at the risk of inviting disparaging comments, I wasn't impressed.

Don't get me wrong, the man was a master poet. In all of his works, Poe displayed a great flair for imagery and a mastery of the English language. His poems are all phenomenal, none more so than his rightfully immortal masterpiece, "The Raven." However, I'm of the opinion that while Poe was a great poet, he was overall a subpar storyteller. "The Cask of Amontillado" was a wonderful story wonderfully told, ditto for "The Pit and the Pendulum," but his other short stories were borderline impenetrable and padded beyond tolerance.

My favorite cases in point are "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" and "The Purloined Letter," both of which star C. Auguste Dupin. Poe's detective had a uniquely logical and analytical approach to solving crime, in such a way that it made him a direct predecessor to Sherlock Holmes. Having read the exploits of both literary detectives, it's my opinion that even the least of Holmes' mysteries was more clearly explained, more creative, more entertaining, and cast with stronger characters than either of the two aforementioned Dupin stories.

And now the shoe is on the other foot, as Sherlock Holmes served as a direct predecessor to The Raven, a film about the works of Edgar Allen Poe. The result is not only a transparent ploy to leech off the box-office success of a Robert Downey Jr. franchise, but also an inferior movie.

This is a weird weekend in movies, ladies and gents. Putting together the arthouse and mainstream pictures released in Portland today, there's a huge variety of new arrivals on display (a stop-motion kids' film, a rom-com, an action spectacular, a documentary on war, a documentary on Bob Marley, etc.). Yet for all of the different genres represented, it was hard to find a film for this weekend that I could get excited about. These movies either looked somewhat promising but came out to tepid critical reviews (looking at you, The Raven), or got a surprisingly good reception despite a totally boring appearance (The Five-Year Engagement).

I was just in the process of picking which film to be surprised or bored by today when I noticed that The Deep Blue Sea was playing in an exclusive engagement at Cinema 21. My ticket was immediately sold and I did not come away disappointed.

Today's movie is set "Around 1950" (seriously, that's the establishing title card) in London. Remember, this was just after World War II, so all the German bombings and air raids were still fresh in everyone's mind. It's also worth remembering that this was just before the feminist movement of the 1960s.

See, this is the story of a woman in a passionless marriage with a High Court judge. She subsequently falls in love with a younger former RAF pilot and they engage in an affair. Also, the adulteress in this story is named Hester. If that didn't make you groan out loud just now, then you need to read more.

Part of the reason why I started blogging was so I could have an outlet for my thoughts about movies. Nothing in all of cinema pleases me more than to leave a theater brimming over with inspiration, my head buzzing with countless thoughts just begging to be shared with like-minded film lovers. It's an incredible feeling to discover a film you love so much that you want to sing its praises to anyone who will hear. For me, The Cabin in the Woods was one such film. When I saw it for the first time, my head was still reeling from what I'd just seen. I was chomping at the bit to put all of my observations to keyboard.

But I couldn't.

Not only does this film have a wonderfully unique premise, but it's also executed in such a way that discovering what's going on is a huge part of what makes the movie fun. More than most other films in recent memory -- which are made with the tacit understanding that audiences will already know all about the film after months of being swamped in advertising -- this movie depends completely on the audience having no prior knowledge of the film. Yet paradoxically, the premise is developed in such a novel way that every repeat viewing will bear fruit.

I know that the time will eventually come when the film has been out long enough that movie geeks can discuss it freely. But frankly, fuck the wait. The film's been out for a week, the new releases coming out in late April all suck, and I'm on a high after seeing the film a second time.

In this review, I will be recording my complete and unfiltered thoughts of The Cabin in the Woods. Here's my full analysis of the film; spoilers, ending, and all. If you've already seen the movie, I hope you will find things in here to enjoy, to contemplate, and to discuss.

A couple of months ago, I had the pleasure to see a very funny stage production called "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)." It was pretty much exactly what the title would suggest. The historical epics ("Julius Caesar," "Richard III," et al.) were all presented as a football game, with a crown being passed and thrown around. The comedies were all compressed into a single three-minute play. "Titus Andronicus" was made into a cooking show, "Othello" was told as a rap, it was hilarious.

Yet the title turned out to be a lie. For when "Coriolanus" was brought up, the actors just looked at each other and said "Yeah, let's skip that one."

I present this anecdote as evidence of the status that "Coriolanus" has among the works of England's greatest playwright. Hell, despite my constant exposure to Shakespeare through my teenage years, I had never even heard of "Coriolanus" until Ralph Fiennes decided to make a film adaptation of it. So now, having seen the film, I can understand why it's considered one of Shakespeare's lesser works.

Forgive me for indulging in spoilers, but I'm pretty sure that the statute of limitations doesn't apply to works in the public domain.

Coriolanus tells the story of Caius Martius (Ralph Fiennes), a general who leads Roman troops into war against the Volscians. In particular, Martius has a very bitter rivalry against the Volscian general Tullus Aufidius (Gerard Butler). They meet to battle in the Volscian city of Corioles, where Martius manages to drive away Aufidius and a whole troop of adversaries almost single-handedly. To commemorate this valor, Martius is bestowed with the surname of "Coriolanus," after the city he conquered.

Socio-political documentaries are inherently propaganda. They are made as calls to action, designed to get their audience riled up about a particular cause. Even when the filmmakers try to be neutral, there's always an agenda on display. Naturally, this can lead to some very controversial documentaries. But when a movie tries to argue that kids shouldn't engage in acts of bigotry or violence against one another (or against themselves), what kind of asshole would try to stir up controversy over it?

The assholes at the MPAA, that's who.

The makers of Bully set out to make an up close and personal look at bullying that could be shown in high schools. It was meant to be seen by kids, parents, and teachers alike. But the MPAA slapped the film with an R-rating, effectively banning teachers or school administrators from showing it to anyone under 18.

Yet here's the thing: The film's coarse language and acts of violence all come entirely from kids. And remember, this is a work of non-fiction. This is photographic evidence that kids are actually cursing and hitting each other in their playgrounds, their schools, and their buses. Wasn't the MPAA put in place so that kids would be shielded from bad language and violence? You'd think that the ratings system is an obsolete practice that actually accomplishes precisely nothing, but we all know that can't be true. More importantly (much like "Catcher in the Rye," "Tom Sawyer," and so many others before it), this was deemed unsafe for children precisely because of the reasons why children need to see it.

Anyway, the film was finally given a PG-13 rating after a few cuts. And if this is what the movie is like at PG-13, I can scarcely begin to imagine it must be like to sit through the R-rated cut.

At this point, everyone and their dog has heard the news that Joss Whedon has a new film coming out on May 4th. It's only a ginormous summer tentpole spectacular with a huge amount of publicity from Hollywood and from fans. But how many people know that Joss Whedon had another film in the works that just hit theaters today?

The Cabin in the Woods was produced and co-written by Whedon, a man who surely needs no introduction to my fellow geeks. He wrote the film in collaboration with Drew Goddard, who's probably best known for writing "Buffy," "Alias," "Lost," and Cloverfield. He also got a cameo appearance as Fake Thomas Jefferson at the end of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Here, Goddard makes his feature directing debut.

Alas, this movie had a very turbulent time after it wrapped production in 2009. The film was supposed to be released back in 2010, until MGM -- desperate to shore up revenue -- delayed the film for post-conversion to 3D against the filmmakers' wishes. But MGM declared bankruptcy before the film could be released, leaving it to keep company with The Hobbit, James Bond, and the Red Dawn remake in limbo. A year later, MGM had sold the film to Lionsgate, who arranged for the movie to finally be released. Mercifully, the 3D option appears to have been dropped.

This movie has been in the can for three years. All that time, it's been the subject of intense scrutiny from Hollywood insiders, Whedon's immense fanbase, and anyone remotely interested in MGM's unfolding bankruptcy proceedings. The movie got an even higher profile when Chris Hemsworth -- one of the film's stars -- hit it big in the title role of Thor. Yet despite spending so much time on so many radars, so much of it remained unknown. Somehow, this picture had managed to keep almost entirely under wraps. And thank the Ancient Ones for that.