Welcome back everybody to the WWE Wrestling Nerd Show. Now that Elimination Chamber is behind us and Wrestlemania is on the horizon, RAW is gonna blow up with returns and great storylines. Right? Usually this is supposed to be a great RAW, so I'm optimistic. I have my cranberry vodka, so lets start the show...
All Hail the Hulkster and the WWE Network
Hulk Hogan starts the show off to a thunderous Green Bay crowd. I'm going to say now that I am not a fan of Hogans. I watched him in WCW at the first place of my wrestling experience when the NWO started. I didn't start watching WWF until Austin started against the Corporation and McMahon. My first WWF sitting was with The Undertaker and Mankind in the famous Hell in the Cell match. With the internet, I caught up with the 80's to the present. Now back to the Hulkster...Hogan did his usually stints and told everyone that he is home. Hmm reminds you of something...
So then Hogan goes on about the WWE Network. The Immortal Force that is Hulk Hogan selling out with the products. It's pretty low, and the crowd knows it. Every time he mentions the network, the crowd goes quiet. Hogan, you are damn lucky the crowd didn't turn on you. Also, he hypes Wrestlemania as the host of the PPV. I'd rather have this than him wrestling. Hopefully, he will be a drawing power.
Note to everyone: All tonight I will be doing my normal routine, but I have two gripes with most of it.
1) The WWE Network needs it dick sucked constantly with us watching all the commercials. I'm just going to get it out of the way now. They really are shoving this down our throats. I'm going to give it a try, but my god if it sucks then I'm ranting the absolute shit out of it.
2) The crowd is absolutely horrible. They are vocal at the wrong times and pretty quiet. I'll deal with them as we go.
CM Punk we need you more than ever!!!
Alberto Del Rio vs Batista
We get a rehash of last night. Batista comes out and is booed by the crowd. So I have to say that everyone wanted Batista back, but when he came back everyone is now booing him. I understand that Bryan should have won the Rumble at least be in it. Now we have Orton and Batista at WM30. Woooooo fucking Hooooooo! Is this what we wanted WWE? No, we wanted Bryan at the top and Batista back to fight someone else. WWE wanted to put history into the match just like Orton/Cena at TLC. However, the crowd is going to hate this match too unless you can find a way to make it interesting, and lately, WWE's creative is having a hard time just with that. So the match was good on Del Rio's part. Batista looked rusty, but better than last night. Orton comes out to distract Batista. Del Rio rolls up Batista for the win. Orton and Batista talk about how the audience doesn't like Batista, and that he doesn't like them back. Look this is the battle of monotone microphone promos. We all lose. At least they try to get some hype out of it.
All the while, CM Punk chants erupt once again.
Big E vs Cesaro w/ Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger
This was a great match. Each competitor showed off their moves with shine. The crowd kept going on the "We The People" chants. Big E is outside of the ring and with the referee distracted Jack attempted to cheap shot Big E only resulting in getting a clothesline. Swagger interrupts the match with the Patriot Lock on Big E, which it costs Cesaro the match. Zeb and Cesaro confront Swagger and it ends with Swagger left partially behind. This could be interesting if Swagger won last night. Swagger and Cesaro could fight over the IC title. The cracks are there, and it looks like the Real Americans are breaking up soon, which I don't like. I think they need a tag title run. It just leaves Swagger on the losing end.
The Wyatts have Kryptonite...
Cena comes out to a lukewarm crowd. Seriously, this crowd is quiet. He talks about how the future runs through him. Hmmm we already knew that. Cena has buried wrestlers, and he has put wrestlers over while he has an excuse. Cena is boring because of his refusal to change his character. He also plugs the WWE Network like a good little poster boy he is. Angel known as Bray Wyatt comes to save us from Cena's mediocre microphone work. Bray does his riddle talking promo about Cena being an all-purpose hero. Cena replies, and the Wyatts take out Cena. Usually, Wyatts would do a lot of more damage, but Cena got a supposed real injury. So perhaps we will have Cena vs Bray Wyatt. It's not what I would of liked to see; Undertaker and Bray Wyatt would be better.
Corporate hell with an Irish-Canadian tint
Christian vs Sheamus
They have heated arguments on the pre-show. Note: I am not watching the pre/post-show since it already shows itself on the main show, unless it is relevant to the story. Brad Maddox makes them a match together. See how easy it to make an ok rivalry better. Christian/Sheamus is hopefully going to get better. The match was pretty good too. Sheamus is always fun to watch, and Christian is getting better and better. Christian needs to kill the killswitch. That move is so obvious that it would be countered. When was the last time Christian successfully used that move before Elimination Chamber? Sheamus won the match. Now the worst part was the Green Bay crowd. They didn't care about the match and was chanting the wrong way. I'm sorry, but chanting boring and other crap in a good match is a let down. Hopefully, Chicago...oh shit.
Well now I feel bad for the WWE, kinda.
Daniel Bryan vs Kane
In the pre-show HHH and Stephanie is having an interview about the WWE Network. In comes Bryan yelling about Trips getting in the way of his title shots and he wants to fight HHH. Triple H tells Bryan that Bryan is a B+ player. Stephanie moves in to protect her husband. She tells Daniel that he can have Kane for a match tonight. As they walk away, HHH scoffs at the idea. I love this. They have been teasing HHH vs Daniel Bryan for months now. Even though it was supposed to be CM Punk. Either way, it is a good marquee match. Daniel Bryan and Triple H are playing great characters, hell even Stephanie is being one of the best heels out there. Now with Kane vs Daniel Bryan it's another good match on the card. However, two things irritate me. One: JBL is now calling Bryan a Garden Gnome. Two: The crowd is pretty light when it comes to a Daniel Bryan movement. In the match, Kane tortures Daniel's arm, and he retaliates by targeting Kane's leg. Bryan kicks out of the Chokeslam. Bryan hits the knee for the win. After the match, Bryan calls out HHH and calls him a coward. HHH never comes out, and the Yes movement goes on.
Dancing Idiots get a good match...
Emma w/Santino Marella vs Summer Rae w/Fandango
Before the match, Emma comes out to her entrance. The song is great and charismatic. Hell I'm listening to it now on Youtube.
She dances with bubbles...bubbles?! Awesome!!! Now the match was pretty good. Of course the audience didn't like it. The action was good and so was Summer Rae. Summer can talk some good shit. Hopefully, she will rise in the ranks of the divas division. That roundhouse kick Summer does would give CM Punk a tear in his eye. Emma wins at the end with the EmmaLock.
Families, hounds and outlaws out for a party
The Usos vs New Age Outlaws
In a short match, it was ok. It introduced the Usos back in the title hunt. However, the Usos were booed for the wrong reason. I think it was funny for the Usos to let the NAO do their bit in the beginning of the match only to catch them off guard with a superkick. Usos win with a Splash.
Roman Reigns vs Bray Wyatt
Before the match, Rollins and Reigns questions Ambrose about the whereabouts he was at the end of the match at Elimination Chamber. Now they don't tell us where he went which sucks ass. I don't know why they couldn't tell us. Maybe there is something special about the place. As Ambrose leaves the Wyatts come up to Rollins and Reigns. Reigns challenges Bray Wyatt to a match alone. No Wyatts, no Shield. The match was great. It was heavy-hitting and action packed. Again, the crowd thrills us in how dumb they are. Maybe it's the cheese and bratwursts. Soon enough the rest of the Wyatts come out. Rollins and Ambrose come out to fight them. However, they didn't come out at the same time. Rollins got beat until Ambrose came out. Ambrose gets in the middle of the match and got Reigns Disqualified. I don't know which storyline is going on here. Is the Shield breaking up? Are the Wyatts feuding with John Cena or The Shield?
Lesnar and Heyman come out. Lesnar being absent all this time wants a title match. Apparently, Triple H has given Lesnar an open challenge contract. It means that Lesnar can pick whomever he wants. Why not pick Randy Orton? Anyway, Undertaker comes out in a lethargic applause. Lesnar signs the open contract, and shoves the pen and contract into Undertaker's chest. The eyes of the Undertaker says everything. Undertaker stabs Brock's hand with the pen and then chokeslams Lesnar through the table. Now this is a match of the part-timers. I really wanted to see Bray Wyatt go against Undertaker. Yay!!! Part-timers.
Now with the review, it didn't show how much commercialized crap they shoved down our throats. This is the abridged version. The Green Bay crowd sucked and so does overused commercial crap. If you can get past all that, the show was very good with the action. The storylines are being used, but some of the Wrestlemania card is laughable. Where does Wyatts and The Shield fit in? Are we satisfied with HHH and Bryan feud? Why should Lesnar get Undertaker when other talents should fit in? Why couldn't Lesnar fight in the main event of Wrestlemania? Why is Emma and Summer Rae fighting something to watch? I'm so confused. Other than that, Hulk was kinda pointless, but the show was sooooo action packed. It's watchable with a few on the edge of your seat moments.