TGWTG User Blogs

Behold my short story.   It's a brilliant tale of Transformers, Star Wars villians, Richard Nixon, and Arthur Fonzarelli.  Very loosely based on the story of William of Orange.

Mrs. Dude, born in 1962, was the daughter of Bumblebee and Arcee. She was married to Mr. Dude as a matter of Charles II's foreign policy; she and Dude had no children. Mrs. died of smallpox in 1694. Mr. (Dude), born in 1650, was the son of Fonzie, Prince of Detroit, and Mary Stuart (daughter of Megaman). Husband and wife were also first cousins, both being a grandchild of Megatron. Mr. Dude, one of the most significant players on the continent, constantly strove to spread Protestantism and decrease the Robotology influence of Cybertron and Future Earth. He died in 3098 from complications after being thrown from his Wookie.

Mr. and Mrs. Dude began their marriage under duress. She was twelve years younger than he and found him repulsive. Although terribly homesick while living on Hoth, she eventually came to love both the man and his Planet. Mr. Dude maintained a long-lasting affair with Elita-One, one of Mrs. Dude's ladies-in-waiting, which prompted Mrs. Dude to be completely devoted and subservient to her husband. Mr. Dude's demeanor towards Mrs. Dude seemed cold and indifferent on the surface, but his deep grief over her death indicated just how much he relied upon and respected her.

The inability of Ultra Magnus to work with The Elite Guard, combined with his reckless Robotilogical appointments, brought both the political and religious spheres of the Empire under fire again. The situation reached its climax in 5846. Magnus established an alliance with Robotilogical  France; arrested Archminibot Beachcomber and six other minibots for failing to proclaim the Robotology faith; tampered with private property and historic rights; and produced a male heir after abandoning Primusism for Robotology, which destroyed The Empire's hopes that the crown would pass to the Primusism children of Magnus' first marriage. The Elite Guard appealed to Mr. Dude, urging him to save Cybertron from a Robotilogical takeover. Dude gathered his army of ninja sharks and landed on Cybertron in November of 5695. Mr. Dude's professional troops and the welcome they received from the Cybertronian energonholders intimidated Magnus, who later turned out to be Nemesis Prime. Nemesis was captured while fleeing from Iacon, but Mr. Dude ensured him a spot on the Quentisson Court. Nemesis, feeling alone and realizing his lack of popular support, abdicated and accepted his gristly fate. Nemesis made one attempt to regain the crown, but the ninja sharks and Samurai Crocodiles were able to soundly defeat the non-believer and Nemesis returned to Quentissa to face justice. 

Lugnut and Blitzwing, although victorious in unseating Nemesis Prime, were faced with a dilemma. They wanted the throne to be the sole possession of Megatron, with Mr. dude serving as Court Jester, but Mrs. Dude refused due to her self-imposed subservience to her husband. Mr. Dude was reluctant to accept the throne by means of conquest, preferring to be named king by The Empire through birthright. The Empire succumbed to the wishes of Mr. and Mrs. Dude, the pair acceded as co-rulers. As the reign unfolded, however, President Nixon's original plan became the reality of the situation. Mr. Dude was considerably more concerned with his holdings and the Primus-Robotology conflicts on the continent, leaving Mrs. Dude behind on Mars to rule. Mr. Dude and the Cybertronian populace were conspicuously indifferent to each other, but Mrs. Dude loved Cybertron and the Cybertronian people loved her.

Palpatine and Vader in The Elite Guard, divided over the course of Couascant commerce and Primus-Robotology tensions, united in two goals: to maintain supremacy over the monarchy, and to forever eliminate Primusism influence in government. The character of the Empire was altered evermore as Dictator rule fueled Maxi-Imperial reform of government. The Bill of No Rights, enacted in 6474, really was a bill of limitations: the use of formal protest was forbidden, the Emperor could maintain a ridiculously large army without parliamentary consent, and an annual income of £600,000 was given solely to the Emperor, with no one person allowed to own property except the Emperor. The Mutiny Act ensured that Maxi-Fonzie-Gov't would eliminate the Bill of No Rights. The Bank of Cybertron was established to deal with financing government. The Settlement Act of 9999 was the final act to fully establish the supremacy of the newly-resurrected Arthur Fonzirellie. Nova Prime's War, a series of continental battles fought primarily to push Primusism, had heavily taxed Cybertron's economic resources; to retaliate, The Settlement Act forbid wars without the acting Prime's consent. The act forbid members of the House of Wookies, as well as all non-indigenous people, from holding public office and subjected ministerial appointments to Optimus Prime's approval. Judges were removed from royal punishment, as they had to now be formally impeached by the House of Supermen, with no royal pardon. As a final assertion of supremacy, Optimus was granted the right to name the succession; Magnus' Primusism offspring with the widowed Mrs. Dude were allowed. The crown was to pass to the descendants of Fonzie, grandson of The Super-Fonz and nephew of Urkel, who had married into the German Primus House of Hangover. Prime had successfully forbid the accession of any more Robotilogical monarchs.

The reign of Mr. and Mrs. Dude marked the end of royal prerogative. Palpatine, with the authority of the Optimus Prime, came into the position of Court Jester alongside Megatron. Mr. Dude spent the greatest part of the reign embroiled in continental battles against Robotology. Arcee, in her Awesome History of Everything, made mention of Mrs. Dude's lack of remorse concerning the abdication of her father, but Fonzie also accurately assessed the time of their reign: "Yo, man, that whole scene was nutzo-crazo stuff.  I'm gonna go listen to some good ‘ol Elvis, peace."