My Film Review Series: First 20 pages of my Batman fan script, starring Harley Quinn and the Joker
My Film Review Series: First 20 pages of my Batman fan script, starring Harley Quinn and the Joker
Posted by: Estefan Ellison in Untagged on
Aug 17, 2008
I recently started work on a Batman fan script, featuring Harley Quinn and the Joker as the villains. So far, I have written about 23 pages and for those reading, it's inspired mainly by the animated series. All right, with that in mind, for your reading pleasure and criticism, here it is:
Batman: The Caped Crusader (PDF file)
Comments are appreciated and encouraged (both positive and negative (as long as it's constructive).
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written by estefan , August 18, 2008
Thanks for the comments, Harley. The suggestions are all good and I will most definitely keep them in mind, when working on those past pages again.
And yeah, the Batpole: I remember seeing a Batman show when I was very young in which Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson would do that to get to the Batcave and they would be fully dressed when they reached the bottom. I think it was the Filmation series or it could have been the Adam West show. I don't remember, but I did think it was kind of cool.
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And yeah, the Batpole: I remember seeing a Batman show when I was very young in which Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson would do that to get to the Batcave and they would be fully dressed when they reached the bottom. I think it was the Filmation series or it could have been the Adam West show. I don't remember, but I did think it was kind of cool.
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1. There's a line where Joker calls Batman the Dark Knight. I've never heard him call him that, it's just not him. I think you should replace it with Batsie or the flying pest.
2. Batman saying his name is cool, and funny, but why would he do that? Makes no sense to me.
3. On page 4 Bruce is talking about Joker and he syas something like "That Joker is always blah blah..." Bruce saying "That Joker" sounds weird, he would just say Joker. They know each other for a while here I'm guessing. Just a suggestion.
4. On page 5, somewhere on there, Bruce says I will. I swear I was thinking ahead and I thought the same thing but that he would say I'll. Just sounds more like him to me.
5. Reeeeeaaaaly nice Joker Harley scenes in Arkham!! Loved the session. The line in the cell where he says his name was iffy for a moment but then I got it and it's good, though Joker would be eiter more charming or more dramatic/theatrical.
6. The "Bat-pole" is funny. But, how in modern physics could he get dressed while going down?? It's funy but, in realistic terms it's weird.
7. That line that Joker says about Harley having "loyalty" is one of my favorite lines. It shows how Joker is possesive of her. Nice job. Remeber, he OWNS her basically, but has the under sense of love that he's never felt before.
8. Pudding is supposed to be Puddin' it has no G the way she says it.
9. Batman is not Batty Boy, he's Batsy Boy or Batsy.
10. The scene where Harley is in her cell doubting that Joker will come is...strange. Harley would never doubt that Joker loves her. Even sometimes when she is given clear evidence she doesn't. But in this instance she wouldn't be doubting it.
11. The scene where Harley suggests a walk around town or the zoo and Joker says okay is strange too. Joker is possesive and he just met basically Harley. I don't think he would give in so easily. You can change the words so the ending is finding the circus but show that Joker didn't give in so easily. Like, not sure if you've seen "Two of a Kind" in "The Batman" series but there's a line where Harley tells Joker to take Batgirl outside and Joker gas her. He gets mad and tells her he's only kept her around cause he amuses her. He's showing that he leads, he's the master, not you.
Aaaaand, that's it. Those first 2 Joker Harley scenes were awesome. I LOOOOOVED when Harley let out Mistah J, which is more like Mistah than Mister. Loved it. You are really good at writing! Nice refrences here and there from BTAS. When you finish can you tell me so I can read it? I would LOOOOVE to read it. Sounds AWESOME!!!!! Great job!!! Other than what I said and a few spelling or grammer errors, it was perfect. Have a goodin' Puddin'!
-Harley