TGWTG User Blogs

I decided to create another round of movies that didn't need sequels, considering the rousing success of my first list (five comments isn't too bad). So read on, and enjoy!

The Santa Clause

Looking back on this movie, the premise is actually kinda...creepy. A man accidentally KILLS SANTA, then has to take his place via a magical contract that forces him into this position whether he likes it or not. Nevermind the cutesy music or the elfin joy about the movie, it just seems like a hard premise to get past the board of directors at Disney. Despite everything I just said, it's still a lovable and heartwarming film, and poses to us the wonderful philosophy of "just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist." In the end, faith is renewed as Santa himself makes a special appearance to give them what they most desired as children...

Then we fall into a rut that most children's movies fall into. The first movie is a success, so the company desires to stick to a formula of "maximum family-friendly fun" and bring it back again. Now we're stuck with an angsty grown-up brat from the first film pulling Christmas-based pranks and "Elf-con One." The third film got even worse, pulling fairy-tale star power into the mix with a board meeting of all the holiday and fairy-tale folk: the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and several others I have no idea were supposed to be there.
Bottom Line: Sometimes it's best to leave it a one hit wonder.

The Jungle Book

The rules I established for these lists were very clear. The first one was no straight to video releases. There's no point in discussing the obvious. So why is it that Disney saw fit to release a straight to video concept into the theaters? I never heard a single person state that they wanted to see Mowgli's angst about living as a human after being a red-daiper laden bear baby most of his life. Not to mention they used star power to make people come to this film, with voices like John Goodman or Haley-Joel Osmont. Honestly, star power on movies is like good graphics on video games: the quality alone does not make it good.

Bottom Line: Keep straight-to-video releases straight to video.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

The second rule of these lists is that the movies have to be movies that didn't need a sequel. It's not that the sequels weren't good, it's that they didn't need them. So you can call me on this one, but I didn't think that this movie needed a sequel. It was designed specifically so that if it wasn't that successful, it could at least stand alone. And that's the problem: there's a lack of consistancy between the first movie and the second and third movies. The second and third have a common enemy: Davey Jones. The scope was epic enough that it could have encompassed three movies, yet the first movie was spent entirely upon one ghastly crew's search for their gold to free themselves from their curse. No Davey Jones to be found here. So in the end...

Bottom line: ...safe marketing breaks consistancy. Put your chips in completely or I won't buy it.

The Blair Witch Project

An interesting and bold experiment in independent filmmaking (which cost only $100,000) brought us one of the most notable horror films of all time. Love it or hate it, the film left its mark on the horror industry.

...So why the sequel? Money, of course. Once again, the cursed company desires to mooch more success from the cash cow, and using the typical formula from the first film in hopes that fans will just return to something that looks like the original. Nobody was fooled.

Bottom Line: Once again, keep your one-hit wonder and be satisfied.

Garfield

Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...I've never seen this movie, but you don't have to watch a movie to know how much it sucks. I can't even imagine what compelled them to see this travasty as marketable. And yet...they decided to make a sequel which was released in theaters?! I have nothing else to say.

Bottom line: Just...no.

Any other suggestions for movies will be greatly appreciated. There are only two rules: it must not be a straight-to-video release, and it must be a movie that didn't actually need a sequel, whether the sequel was good or not. Thanks for reading!