TGWTG User Blogs

My family and I got some rather...interesting letters today. My father got one about the graduation of his daughter Emily, someone none of us have ever heard of. My mother got one congratulating her on becoming a grandparent, which suggests someone's keeping a big secret, and I know it's not me. And I got an email about my purchase of Picasso by Norman Mailer at Amazon. I'd usually put that down to identity theft, but I can't find any information about this purchase in my account itself. So I can only come to one conclusion: we're getting mail from a parallel universe.

 So what's this universe like? Well, the graduation letter is from Bucknell University, the same college my brother just graduated from, so it's likely this Emily exists instead of him. I picture her as the artsy type, maybe open to a little experimentation. There's a nice image for a while. Hey, it's not like we're really related! I saw Red Dwarf, I know how this stuff works. Now that she's out of college she'll become a burned out cynic and go on the lecture curcuit as half Gertrude Stein, half Denis Leary.

Since my alternate sister isn't in much position for it, I'd guess the other me is the one with a kid. Probably conceived out of wedlock followed by a shotgun wedding. I like to think it's this one girl I knew in high school, who had this Betty Crocker image you could just tell was a facade for a really twisted psyche and lots of fun fetishes. She's got a killer body too.

I also think the other me would be a bit more open to put up with her crazier side, seeing as he's a Picasso fan and a Norman Mailer fan. Probably got a bit of a psychosis himself, like my own Asperger's. I see him living fast, dying young, and leaving a fat, bloated, ugly corpse. The kid may or may not follow in his footsteps; if and when I get more mail about him, I'll be better prepared to speculate.

Hopefully I'll get that mail soon, as I've become quite intrigued by these letters and would love to know more. I also have to wonder what that other version of my family is thinking with any letters they got meant for us. Nothing good, probably.

Note: the three letters I talk about are real; all of us are totally mystified. The rest is just me having fun.