TGWTG User Blogs

OK, I know that there's at least more than one of these already on the blogs, but as some will say there's no official sign up sheet, and even though I hate repetition in TGWTG.com's blogs I still feel like posting this as I feel mine offers a more opinion based list and less an excuse for discussion, and is more for parody than to be taken seriously.

When it comes to big blockbuster Batman movies, we couldn't give a damn about the caped crusader. Generally we assume it will be the same actor as the last movie or it's announced around the same time as the film, and in the end they always play the same character: A cocky millionaire whose voice suddenly and inexplicably becomes deepened when he dons a bat suit. As well as you can play that role, it honestly doesn't matter, because the show is always stolen by the polar opposite: The villains.

Think about it. In every Batman film, the film always revolves around the villain, one in particular. The original Tim Burton Batman? The Joker, played by Jack Nicholson. Batman Forever? The Riddler, played by Jim Carey. Batman and Robin? Mr. Freeze, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger (unfortunately). The Dark Knight? The Joker again, this time played by the late Heath Ledger. The exceptions would be Batman Returns, where the villain hold is more spread out, and Batman Begins, where it actually revolves around Batman, who'da thunk it?

Well it's always the double bonus hearing not only which of our treasured Batman villains will be shown in live-action, but also who will be the actor/actress who will ultimately portray/ruin the character.

Since the possibility of Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe becoming a live-action movie seems like an impossibility, the following is a personal list of mine at which characters from the Batman (and related) universe should square off with the Caped Crusader and which actor should steal the show, a top 6, since everyone's done a top whatever on this site I realized there's a bandwagon I haven't jumped. Why top 6? It's one more than 5.

Number 6

Villain: Catwoman. Actor to portray them: Roger Bart

For some of these villains I feel an update is in order, so don't complain if a certain villain has already been portrayed. Now that's there has been two (or three if you count Caesar Romero) Jokers and a new Two-Face I think that The Dark Knight's follow ups will re-create certain villains.

But why Catwoman? She's been played by multiple actresses in the original campy series, Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns and Halle Berry in the abysmal spin-off film. Well in my opinion, I still feel that the character has never been nailed perfectly. The actresses for the campy series did an OK job, but the current batman movies are obviously a different affair. Michelle Pfeiffer's character was interesting, but overly disturbing, a product of Tim Burton after all. And Halle Berry? Well despite being a lacklustre performance the character disregarded the history made for Catwoman, giving her powers and the like. So yeah, I think there's still something left in this role.

But the more important question, why do you want a man to play her?! Well don't take it too seriously, it's just a joke, but I think having an outrageous ‘gay-wife' character (which Roger Bart has played in The Producers, the Stepford Wives and the like) as the Catwoman would really fit a modern audience. OK it's a little hypocritical to criticize the campy catwomen when talking about having a literal campy catwomanman, fair enough, but personally I find the concept hilarious! You never know, they could still keep the film dark...maybe...ever see Hostel part II?

Some of my friends who see my point on this character feel Russell Brand would make a great choice for a manly catwoman. I say no. Then it would be a parody.

Number 5

Villain: The Penguin. Actor to Portray then: Gilbert Godfried

The penguin always fascinates me as a villain. In the original comics, he wasn't sadistic of psychopathic like the Joker or Two-Face, but rather a sophisticated villain, one who saw himself with class. Of course that was kind of thrown away in Batman Returns. Even still, Danny Devito did a good job, but I think it should be played with a different perspective, and an actor that has a different mindset.

And Gilbert Godfried? Try this. Just picture Godfried in the penguin suit (maybe with a small fat suit underneath), brandishing a deadly high-tech umbrella and laughing maniacally, lighting up a cigar and saying "Let's get that fucking Bat!" (Swearing optional). Who else could play that role? I mean the voice and the actor's style fit perfectly. And credential-wise, he played a bird in Aladdin, he has experience. I mean you see the picture I used from his Wiki article, he's already looks the part in a tuxedo. Suggest someone else if you will, but I couldn't think of any other actor more suitable for such a villain.

Number 4

Villain: Aliens and the Predator Actor: None specific

This one may raise many questions, but to be fair, there have been numerous comics depicting the Dark Knight's battle against the Alien and the Predator. Neither creature outclasses the Batman, and with the arsenal and bad ass vehicles he's been given in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, then I don't see why you shouldn't consider it. Surely Lucius could whip up some acid proof weaponry for dealing with the Aliens, and I relish the thought of a one on one duel for honour with the Predator, with the Yaujta's rattling howl clashing sounds with Christian Bale's increasingly annoying grunting voice. Of course there is the issue of story, what poor excuse could they come up with for Gotham city to be attacked by the Aliens? And for those who read my AVP rant, you'll probably think me hypocritical for suggesting something which will have multiple conflictions with the AVP universe. On the other hand how much worse could they do than the last two AVP movies?

Actor-wise, it obviously doesn't matter too much, all you need is a tall guy and a guy who's willing to fit in an alien costume, but if Ian Whyte and Tom Woodruff Jr., the Predator and the Aliens (respectively) from the previous Alien Versus Predator movies return, that would be good as they did a decent job as the two horror sci-fi icons.

However to show you that this idea could and should work check out what I consider to be my favourite Batman film, Batman: Dead End. It's a fan film, but as good as fan-films get, with a budget of $30,000 and some great imagery, it's definitely the most accurate Batman film in my opinion, and is by far the best Aliens versus Predator movie by a mile.

Batman: Dead End

Number 3

Villain: Superman Actor to Portray them: Brandon Routh

Again, another eyebrow raising choice. Of course when I say Superman as a villain he won't actually be the villain, but he may well be tricked into thinking Batman is the enemy, so from a certain point of view he would be. There would also have to be a Superman and Batman fight scene, it would be a wasted opportunity otherwise. It also seems like the right direction to go after The Dark Knight. Both Batman and Superman have had reboot movies in the form of Batman Begins and Superman Returns (which I actually thought was better than Batman Begins...), and now with The Dark Knight's release and Superman: Man of Steel in the works, both heroes would have a film that bears they're alternative names. After the new Superman movie (which I think I'll like more than The Dark Knight if it goes the same) they should really dig out that old Superman Vs Batman project and try to get it working again.

Brandon Routh as Superman is an obvious choice. He did a terrific job in Superman Returns, showing that sometimes unknown actors can out best the big stars. His resemblance to Christopher Reeve both as Superman and Clark Kent was astounding, and I'd feel betrayed if he was dropped for another actor.

Of course if Superman is in the movie then it's likely Lex Luthor would be the actual villain, and again, Kevin Spacey would be the prime choice. His portrayal as Superman's arch nemesis in Superman Returns was brilliant, probably the best of all the Superman movies.

Number 2

Villain: Harley Quinn Actress to portray them: Umm...

In nearly everybody's list of next Batman villains this little vixen has shown up, and I don't see any reason to disagree. She's been a firm fan favourite ever since debuting in the animated series, spawning her own comic book series and extending the character outwards. I'd actually totally forgotten about her till the Nostalgia Critic brought her up in his top 11 list of hottest animated women, and made me think that it would make a great image on the big screen. Imagine the madness, frightening composure and pure fear that Heath Ledger's joker tried to impose on you, but now try and imagine it from someone who's actually trying to be attractive. It's a huge contrast to what we expect on screen, and boasts originality as far as villains go.

Of course the problem is, what is she without the Joker? Unless they deem it wise to replace Heath Ledger I don't think we're going to see the Joker in the next movie, so would they bring her in? Would the Joker be killed in his prison cell, prompting an old flame and accomplice to don his mantle and take revenge against the caped crusader that condemned him to that cursed asylum? That's up to the writers.

As to who would play her, I really can't decide. I'd like to go with someone unexpected, someone who has the capacity to play the role, but it's not totally obvious that they could. Ellen Page maybe? She's definitely attractive, and has played both dark and comedic roles, so going sadistic would be awesome. Plus she's a great actress; I'd rather have that than anything else. Plus having a little superhero movie experience can't hurt. But I'd rather hear other people's suggestions so just slide ‘em into that comment box.

But my personal, number one villain to appear in the next Batman movie, and the actor to portray him (yes it's a him), is:

Number 1

Villain: Mr. Freeze Actor to portray them: Samuel L. Jackson

Whoa whoa whoa Prodigs, Mr. Freeze? Samuel L. Jackson? Explain yourself! Well I don't think Arnold did Mr. Freeze justice in Batman and Robin. Sorry that's the Universe's biggest understatement, he ruined him. You know I actually find Mr. Freeze to be the most threatening Batman villain. I mean just imagine a Mr. Freeze who employs that scene in Saw III where that woman is frozen, naked, to death as a mindset, and you got one cold villain. No I will not apologize.

I mean I find being frozen to death a far more merciless demise than being shot, blown up or stabbed, but not only that, I like Mr. Freeze because he's so classic in his nature. The tormented soul who wants nothing more than to save his terminally ill wife, but suffers an accident in the process that binds him forever to a cryogenic suit may seem stock, but that's why I love Batman so much. It's a cliché anyone can enjoy.

Now as for the legendary Samuel L. Jackson, I think it's a huge improvement over Arnie, but the interesting thing is that he wouldn't even need to change the performance that much (improve it obviously). You could just take all of Freeze's pun filled lines and just let Jackson add his own personal touch to them. Here's what I mean:

"Kick some ice Motherfucker!"

"Can you be cool? Well it's not cool! And as long as I'm in charge I don't wanna hear that shit! We cool?"

"You're not sending my ass to the cooler!"

"The Ice man cometh...motherfuckers"

"STAY COOL!"

"Chill the fuck down!"

"Allow me to break the goddamn ice."

"Damn! Cool party."

"Freeze motherfucker!"

Plus he could come up with some of his own:

"Frozen mother fucker!"

"Could I have a tasty beverage with extra ice?"

"Oh I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? Try to imagine you're watching ice melt."

"Ice what?! Ice Age! Ice What?! Ice Age!"

"What am I doing? Just chilling mofo, just chilling..."

They'll get away with swearing like that in a Batman movie no problem. Plus, he's voiced a superhero who uses Ice as a superpower. You can't argue with that ^_^

Well that's my list, I hope in some bizarre way it makes sense. Also, as a little piece of advice, if you have some spare cash lying around, and you've either seen The Dark Knight and want more, or you simply want a decent new Batman Animated adventure, then do yourself a favour and buy Batman: Gotham Knight. If you haven't heard of it, it's an anthology of six anime productions (written by long time comic book writers and animated by the likes of Studios Madhouse and Production IG) not too different to that of the Animatrix, which basically bridges the gaps between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I feel it's been a little overshadowed by The Dark Knight, so please, if you decide to ignore it you're missing out. It not only kicks ass, but offers something fresh, new and exciting for the Dark Knight. Do check out. Thanks for reading.