TGWTG User Blogs

In an effort to update their image, the New Kids on the Block have changed some of their beloved lyrics and retooled their personal reputations.
"We feel that the fundamentals of music have changed since our heyday," stated Jordan Knight at a press conference Friday. "So we've changed a few lyrics. We're not the same kids you knew. Now we want to prove that we've become just as shallow as the rest of the music industry."
The biggest changes are of two very common words used in the former pop groups ballads. The word 'baby' has been changed to 'bitch,' such as the reworked title, once 'Baby, I believe in you,' is now 'Bitch, I believe you'se a hoe.'
"It gives them a fresh, new, misogynistic feel," says Joey McIntyre. "We can be as bad as we want to be now. PR is on such a low level. I mean," he stopped for a moment, picked up a kitten and started punching it, "This is nothing!"
Another noticeable change is from the most common word in any New Kids song, 'girl.' Those aging ex-heartthrobs have mixed it up in this department, supplementing either the word 'hoe' or 'whore.'
"I figure," Danny Wood stated, "the little girls who we sang to all those years ago have grown up. And with lyrics like ours, they expected to have some super man come in and take care of them, believe in them, all that crap, once they realised that there ain't no-one out there like that, then they either is a hoe or a lesbo. And we ain't singing to no lesbos."
Jon Knight revealed his new role for the group. "Maurice (Starr, the NKOTB's manager) said that I needed to fill the other quotient, so now I'm the effeminate one. I think that they should have given that role to Jordan, since he sang like he got socked in the nuts all the time, but I can be fabulous too!"
Years ago, Donnie Wahlberg was known as the bad one, after his arson charges when he set fire to a hotel the band was staying in. "That arson thing? In today's standards, that didn't make me a bad boy. It's gonna be hard to make me as bad as I want to be. I have a lot to live down, I mean, bad movies, and Marky Mark is my brother. I'm tryin', you know. I mean, earlier today, I snatched this old lady's purse, took a wicked dump in it and handed it back. And that ain't nothing on DMX or R. Kelly. I guess I got some work to do."
Joey lamented, "Style today is all about excesses, too much titty, too much bling. Sometimes I wish we could go back to those days of cliched lyrics and oversized pins with our faces on them. But there is something empowering in calling women bitches."
Look for the NKOTB's new album "Bean-Town Thug Life: Fxxkin' Bitches, Pimpin' Hoes, and Low-Ridin' in the Cah."
This has been Bert Beckers reporting.