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So, with all the talks about pro wrestling I've been doing, I figure I should let you know where it's gone and what it's come to.

A few weeks ago, Vince McMahon said that each and every week on Monday Night RAW, for as long as he wants, he'd give away the total sum of $1,000,000, straight from his own wallet.  This was done to increase ratings.  Remember that.  Also remember that the June 2, 2008, Nielson rating for RAW was, overall, a 3.1.

The June 9, 2008, RAW, which saw McMahon give away the first million of this little project, scored a 3.03 rating.  For the mathematically-challenged, that is a drop of 0.07 points, or about 84,000 viewers.

HOW TO WIN:  Here's what would happen:  You, the viewer, would register your name and information (including a telephone number that which you would be reachable between 9:00 PM EST and 11:15 PM EST) on WWE.com.  One can register once a day.  At the beginning of the broadcast, a code would be given.  During the live broadcast, Vince McMahon would personally call one of the people who registered.  If said person gave the code, they would win money.

During the night, one million dollars was given out in random increments of $250,000, $200,000 twice, $125,000 (at the expense of a young wrestler by the name of Charlie Haas who had to kiss an elderly lesbian), $98,000, $75,000, $51,998, and one unlucky bitch got a whopping $2.00.  Seriously.  You can't even buy a box of fucking BUNCHA CRUNCH for two bucks.  Vincent Kennedy McMahon:  Philanthropist to the Downtrodden and the Hickish.

WHAT WENT WRONG:  Besides giving away a cash prize so pathetic, it wouldn't even bribe a four-year-old to inform you of your surprise birthday party?

Well, "McMahon's Million-Dollar Mania" was an incredibly cheap way to boost ratings.  I'm not saying it was stupid.  I'm not even saying I ever thought it was a bad idea.  Truth be told, I honestly thought it was no-miss, if only for some extra ratings points.

Then the show started.

I'm never right.

Remember that code that I said the winners had to give in order to win?  Well, there was exactly one all night, and it was given in a big honkin' graphic at the beginning of the broadcast.  That means that if any non-fan who registered wanted to be called and win the cash, all they needed to watch was the first five minutes of the show.  Then, when said non-fans knew what the code was ("WWE Universe"), they could turn the channel to, say, a good show (House, naming one example).

THE UTTERLY AWESOME:  The very first winner (I mean, THE VERY FIRST ONE) had a ringback.  For those off the curve, a ringback is a reverse ringtone--when you call someone, instead of the standard ringing, you'd hear an automated voice say "Please enjoy the music while your call is being answered," and you'd be able to enjoy a tune.

Well, guess what?

But it wasn't over!  Apparently, Vince McMahon himself is off the curve.  So, he hung up AND TRIED THE NUMBER AGAIN.

Vince McMahon, a former certifiable evil billionaire and owner of the most-watched regularly-scheduled cable television show in history, was RickRolled TWICE.  ON LIVE WORLDWIDE TELEVISION.

That, unfortunately, was the best part of the show.  (To be fair, it was probably the best professional wrestling moment of the past decade.)  Sadly, the rest of the show ranged from mediocre to flat-out awful, helped not-at-all by the rhythm-shattering effect that McMahon had every time the show stopped just so he could call some mook at home.

HOW TO FIX IT:  Well, for starters, the code thing.  Easy fix.  Before each phone call, give a new code so that anyone who wants to win MUST BE WATCHING THE SHOW.  I don't care what the codes are.  Neither does anyone else.  Seriously, Vince, just make something up right off the top of your head.  You don't even need to think.  Just close your eyes, shut your brain down, and the first three words that pop out of your mouth are the code.  Forcing an ignorant schlep to utter "Fruity Space Mufflers" just to win $50,000 or whatever would be worth watching the show alone.

Second, the actual calling of the numbers.  Each time Vince tried to call a number on that conference-call phone of his, he had some kind of trouble.  Either he wasn't wearing his glasses (put on your goddamn glasses) or he was trying to balance the microphone and the card that had the winner's name on it, all while keeping a free hand just to dial (put the rutting microphone down).  And even then, he had to redial some numbers.  Also, as long as we're watching, bring some hot chicks up on stage--y'know, women on the roster who are hired purely for their looks by your Senior Vice President in Charge of Masturbating, Johnny "Ace" Laurititis (who's just doing a CRACKERJACK JOB).  Make Maria Kanellis and Layla El (who, admittedly, are smoking fucking hot and have haunted by poor mind many a time) dial the number and earn their paychecks.  (And before I get any flak, yeah, those two are getting kinda good in the ring, too.)

Now, I'm not saying that any of this would be a quick fix for their ratings--there's no such thing.  I mean, they do have to change quite a lot to have another boom period (when and if that's going to happen is unknown, probably even to Whatever God Is Up There).  However, in terms of this one thing, as long as he's giving away millions of dollars of his own money based on the ratings, maybe he should listen to the fans when it comes to understanding what the fans want.

That's all I got.