10 Plagues of Anime Cons
Know Before You Go!

Many many years ago I took a mystical journey to a magical land where my rather fervent obsession with anime and manga wasn’t at all strange; where I could be my weird self without care or regret. That magical land was my very first anime convention. At the time I saw the con through rose-colored glasses, and was content. All was good and right with the world, and the con was everything I’d ever dreamed of. But as the years went by and I got older and more familiar with cons, something changed. I saw more and more people introduced to anime cons for the first time and I realized that cons were not a magical land where all is right with the world. They are a magical land where people get away with the craziest shit imaginable, and where everything isn’t always coming up roses. Many otaku walk away from cons and recall the good times and awesome Dealer’s Room buys, forgetting the irksome little details that have unknowingly saturated their con. And if you’ve never been to a con but heard the glowing reviews, your expectations are pretty high. But lurking in the shadows of your con are 10 tiny plagues that no one told you about that could ruin your con. Also lurking in the shadows are people with plastic swords cosplaying as ninja, but they’re not relevant to this article.

While there are more annoyances to anime cons that just these ten, such as going completely broke and putting up with obnoxious cosplayers, these are the ones that have startled me the most over the years that I wasn’t prepared for.  So now, in no particular order, I bring you the 10 Plagues of Anime Cons, in hopes that you feel adequately prepared for your first, or next, anime convention experience.

Con Plague
(.hack//cough)

My next cosplay…

What is it?
Con Plague, or Con Flu, is the terrible sickness that follows any convention. When you have large groups of people, who may or may not already be carrying some horrible virus, gather together in one venue and then touch everything, likely as not, you’re going to contract something. It doesn’t help that your immune system gets shot as you ignore sleep, nutrition, and hygiene throughout the duration of con. By Sunday you’re probably coughing with a sore throat and a runny nose. Some people get wretchedly sick after a full weekend at con, some people just catch a cold, and many don’t even get sick. I personally can’t get through a con without losing my voice.

Just think about it… all those people… swimming in germs…

How to avoid it: I know this is asking a lot, but try and get a decent night’s sleep, make sure your body is plenty rested after each busy day of con. Also, eating meals that consist of more than just Pocky and Mountain Dew would help. Get some protein in your belly! If you can’t afford real food because you just HAD to have the really expensive replica of Cloud’s sword in Advent Children, then at least bring some vitamins along with you. Also, wash your hands frequently and if you notice someone in a horrible coughing spasm, you may want to avoid glomping them.

Con Funk
(What the hell is that smell? Oh wait, it’s you…)

Would a little Axe kill you?

What is it?
You’ll know Con Funk when you smell it. It’s the horrible odor that occurs when thousands of unwashed otaku all hang out in a confined space. And of course, these otaku are running around sweating in heavy costumes, and then not showering at the end of the day. Oh, and many of them go to the rave and work up an even greater sweat. It’s a smell so horrible the venue must surely have to fumigate after con ends. The only saving grace is that different areas on the venue will have different levels of Funk. Narrow halls and small panel rooms are going to be the worst spots, as well as any crowd you happen to stand in. But larger event rooms with high ceilings are usually okay until the rave starts. Video rooms tend to be safe since they aren’t usually as crowded and the low lights keep the room at a cooler temperature.

How to avoid it: You can’t. As long as there are otaku there will be con funk. You can hope for a well ventilated venue and hold your breath in the crowded halls. Hopefully the con you go to has 15-30 minute breaks in between panels and events to air out the rooms. The most you can really do is to not be part of the problem. Shower minimum once a day, and do remember to use soap and shampoo when you do. Deodorant is a must!

Lines
(For-e-VER)

And this is just the line for the bathroom…

What are they?
They are the definition of SUCK. They’re long, and Murphy’s Law dictates that every panel and event you want to get into will have one. The bigger the con, the longer the lines. Registration is a nightmare whether you pre-register for the convention or not. Autograph lines can get ugly too; hours of waiting to see your favorite voice actor for 2 minutes. And at those bigger cons, people like to sit in a mile-long line for hours waiting for the Dealers room to open; fueled by the primeval desire to get the first grab at anime schwag.

How to avoid them: YOU CAN’T. Well, you can stick to smaller cons with smaller crowds, or you could hire a large group of ninja to eliminate your competition, but this will probably ending up costing you more than that import game in the Dealer’s Room.

Cross-players
(“Wow, check out that hot chick in the pink- oh God, that’s a dude!”)

I don’t wanna know what he does in the name of the moon…

What are they?
Cross-players are people in a costume of their opposite gender. And while cross-dressing is by no means appalling, it can be a plague for those new to con scene. If you aren’t exposed to a lot of cross-dressing and gender ambiguity in normal life, then your first anime con will probably a bit shocking. And if you’re trying to hook up with a cutie at con, you could end up surprised if you’re not careful. A large percentage of cross-players are FtM (female to male), i.e. women dressing as male characters. Still, there are many men brave enough to don a skirt or dress, or in the case of Man-Faye, very tight booty shorts. If you’ve never heard of Man-Faye, grab a barf bag and head to YouTube. I personally have a lot of love and respect for cross-players (having cross-played several times myself), but some can get a little weird or scary. Man-Faye and Sailor Bubba (pictured above) are the perfect examples of cross-plays that traumatize. They’re trying to be funny or ironic, but they just end up scaring people.  Overweight bearded men dressing up as Sailor Moon… yeah… I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight either.

How to avoid them: They’re going to be at pretty much every anime con, so it’s mostly about preparing yourself (because knowing is half the battle, GIJOOOOEEE). If the cosplayer’s body figure isn’t an immediate give away, most of the time, a good look at the face should tell you if that Yagami Light cosplayer is really a dude or not. If that fails, wait until they speak. Voices are almost always an accurate indicator of gender. I had the perfect instance of this in an elevator at a con a few months back. I was standing next to the perfect Haku cosplayer from Naruto. The Haku was beautiful, had the costume nailed down to the well kept painted nails, and I thought “OMG, she’s the perfect Haku.” And then Haku spoke with this deep baritone, and it took all my willpower not to follow my body’s instinct to drop my jaw and gape. Not since living in Japan had I been completely duped by a pretty face belonging to guy. Granted Haku is actually a guy in the show, but let’s face it, his voice and character design are about as masculine as Sakura. Anyway folks, the lesson here is that assumptions are bad and that some cosplayers are just that good. If you absolutely can’t figure out their gender from body, face, or voice, stalk them until they have to pee. If they walk through the door with the pink circle head and triangle body, you have your answer.

Lewd Costumes
(not as hot as you’d think)

This photo has been cropped for your own safety!

What is it?
Conventions are a place for fangirls and boys to lower their inhibitions and express themselves in ways they wouldn’t normally, and many do so by dressing in ways they wouldn’t outside the con scene. We all know by now that anime conventions are full of half-naked catgirls and guys with no shirts. This usually equates to eye-candy; someone nice to look at, perhaps snap a photo of. But sometimes, it can be horrifying. Once again, Man-Faye (pictured above, but cropped so as not to horrify you with his hairy ass). Just let that image soak in for a minute. Go on, I’ll wait. But seriously, there are some people who are not suited to the skimpy costume they’ve chosen to wear. I believe that no matter your gender or body-type, you should wear whatever costume you want. But, I don’t always want to have to look at it. As a woman, I’m not terribly interested in seeing hundreds of girls with their ta-tas jiggling for all the world to see. I’m also not interesting in seeing hundreds of muffin tops, beer bellies, etc. It’s all about personal preference, and I prefer not. It’s not as bad when the costume is tailored to fit the body type, but most people just make their costumes match the character’s outfit without much regard to making the ensemble flatter their figure.

How to avoid it: Avert your eyes! But since that would probably cause you to run into walls, fall down stairs, or some other equally horrible fate, there must be a better way. And if you ever find a way to avoid seeing lewd costumes at an anime con, let me know, because I sure can’t. Well, unless your convention is outdoors in Alaska in January (Hypothermia Con 09 or bust!). Really though, people are going to wear what they want to and there’s nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can avoid is getting worked up about it. Even if it’s not your thing, take the lewd costumes as part of the scenery and move on.

Creepers
(and Pedobear)

“I need an adult!”

What are they?
This probably requires no definition. Every anime convention (probably every geek convention in general) is afflicted with skeezy perverts. At conventions, with crazy costumes left and right, a fair amount of staring is normal. This is prime feeding ground for creepers, who able to freely ogle girls without calling too much attention to themselves. This problem is often masked by entertaining stereotypes and internet memes like Pedobear (there’s a  Pedobear cosplayer at most big cons). But beneath the jokes are some serious problems waiting to happen. Leering is one thing, but it doesn’t always stay that simple. Creepers may try starting up conversations or flirting, which is more awkward than terrible, but most guys have one thing on their mind, and not every girl is responsible enough to be on guard. Cases of sexual harassment aren’t well publicized, but they happen all the time.

How to avoid it: I don’t think you guys have to worry too much about this, but pretty much anyone with breasts is at risk for ogling and a few awkward conversations. My advice? Always tread carefully when talking to strangers of the opposite gender, especially if they’re 1.) Considerably older than yourself 2.) Breathing heavily without having just jogged a mile 3.) Wearing a Hentai Inside t-shirt. This may sound like a summer camp counselor, but a buddy system is awesome. Your friends can always bail you out of an awkward situation. This goes double if your con nights are spent at hotel parties, when intoxication is imminent. 

We interrupt this article to bring you a very important public service announcement. We at ThatGuyWiththeGlasses.com would like to remind the minors on our site not to drink until they fall within the legal age limit, especially at anime conventions where security gets called in on noisy room parties all the time.

Yaoi Fans
(and their scary scary paddles)

At least it’s on your ass and not up…

What are they?
For those who are unaware (meaning, spend no time on the internet), yaoi is manga or anime centered on boy-love. Technically, yaoi is the more hardcore smutty stuff, and shounen-ai is the fluffier plot-oriented stuff. Both have themselves hordes of rabid fangirls (and boys) who have quite a reputation for being, shall we say, overzealous, about their fandom. The yaoi fandom manifests itself in many ways. You see it in the artwork in Artist’s Alley, you hear it come up at panels, you find it in the Dealer’s Room searching through doujinshi (fancomics), but the most terrifying way to experience yaoi fandom is the yaoi paddle. These paddles are simple, wooden, and labeled with words like “Yaoi”, “Seme”, and “Uke” (if you don’t know what seme and uke are, that’s a whole other article). And what do people do with these paddles? Well, they certainly don’t go canoeing. The most common use of the yaoi paddle is a good friendly smack on the ass of cosplayers, particularly those cosplaying popular yaoi pairings. While yaoi fans are not terribly scary on their own - wielding a wooden weapon with which they may violently violate your personal bubble with one wayward whack? That’s a little scary, so much so that some conventions have banned or considered banning the paddles. There have been many instances of people being unwillingly and painfully smacked by a random paddle-wielder, putting anime convention staff in the difficult position of having to decide whether to allow the items to be sold or carried within the venue.

How to avoid them: Fight your burning desire to cosplay Yagami Light and chain yourself to an L cosplayer. That aside, you may want to familiarize yourself with some of the popular yaoi pairings that fangirls love. Sasuke and Naruto, Axel and Roxas, Fai and Kurogane. Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how unlikely the pair, there’s a fangirl somewhere that wants to see them boffing. When you are aware of these pairings, you should be able to recognize the potential danger you put yourself in when you cosplay certain characters.

To avoid an ass-paddling from yaoi fan, it’s best to avoid the conga line of people in rainbow clothing yelling “I Love Yaoi.” Most people ask if they can smack you with the paddle, and usually do so gently; it’s all in good fun. If you’re not given any warning, then it gets pretty hard to avoid. The best you can do in that situation is ask the person not to do it again, then take down their description or snap a picture and report them to the nearest staff or security.

Obsessive Pocky Enthusiasts
(One stick never hurt anyone…)

What’s a little Pocky between friends?

What are they?
For the uninformed, Pocky is a chocolate covered biscuit stick that has become the staple snack of American otaku. Pocky comes in a variety of flavors but the most common are chocolate and strawberry. People love this stuff. I mean they really love this stuff. It’s mildly frightening what people are willing to do for some Pocky.

How to avoid them: Depending on the venue, some conventions do not allow the sale of food or drink in their Dealers Room and may not allow outside food or drink. At these cons less people will have Pocky on them, so you might be spared the silliness. The downside is that you’ll have to listen to people whine about the lack of Pocky. Conventions where Pocky is peddled can get a little scary. Some fans will traverse the con, reliving the heyday of Klondike Bar commercials, asking random people “What would you do for piece of Pocky?” And people will do some weird shit. I once met a girl who was taking pictures of cosplayers of her favorite characters with herself having a “Pocky Kiss” in which both parties nibble on both ends of the Pocky stick.

Pocky enthusiasts aren’t all bad though. In fact, while it’s terrifying how much money they’re willing to spend on mediocre snackfoods, you can always count on a Pocky Enthusiast to be around when you’re starving and waiting in one of those pesky lines. Sometimes the generosity of a Pocky fan is going to be all the sustenance you get for the day, so avoiding all the crazy Pocky people isn’t the best idea. Still, if obsessive fandom scares you, it would be best not to insult Pocky in the earshot of other people.

Crowd Behavior
(Caramelldansen and such)

“Everybody get on your feet. We know you can dance to the beat!”

What is it?
I’m not a social psychologist, but I think we can all agree that there’s something about a crowd that brings out the strangest behavior in people. One person gets an idea, like “Hey, I wanna start dancing in the middle of the hallway!” and before you know it, a Caramelldansen circle is blocking your way to the Robotech panel. Collective behavior can either be really funny, or really annoying. At cons, whether it’s funny or annoying depends entirely on whether you’re participating in it. If you’re not in the conga line dancing down the Dealer’s Room, you’re probably going to sneer at the kids and their aptitude at knocking into people without apology. But if you’re in that group that gets all of the people around you in a rousing chorus of Moonlight Densetsu, then hey, you’re having the time of your life, no matter how off-key you might be. At conventions, unless you’re doing something illegal or in gross violation of society’s moral standards, then it’s pretty much anything goes. The problem is, sometimes things get out of hand. I was at a con where a big group of L cosplayers decided to play kickball inside to pass the time. And while it’s really funny to watch a bunch of slouching teens in bare feet try to stay in character while kicking a ball around, it’s just not a good idea. It’s all fun and games until someone loses and eye, then it’s a lawsuit. But when one person gets the idea that kickball would be fun, suddenly everyone wants to play, and trying to tell them to stop gets increasingly difficult. Crowds are tough to control and a huge headache for convention staff when they get rowdy.

Prime example of annoying crowds: In 2000, at Otakon’s masquerade (older Otakon attendees are groaning already), there was an incident in which a chair was left on stage a little too long, and someone in the crowd started chanting “Chair! Chair!” soon the whole audience was chanting, making it difficult to continue the rest of the show. This wasn’t the first con to have the Chair problem, but it popularized it, and soon masquerades everywhere were ruined by obnoxious chair chanting. Thankfully the fad died, but these kinds of incidents aren’t rare.

How to avoid it: Here’s yet another thing that’s hard to avoid. You can’t control other people, but you can avoid being part of the problem. Avoid the crazy crowds by walking around if possible, and if you notice any dangerous behavior, tell a con staffer.

Drop Dead Sexy Girls Under 18
(aka Jailbait)

Dude, she’s 14…

What are they?
Anime conventions are full of hot, sexy girls wearing next to nothing, jumping around, giggling, flirting… too bad most of them are 15. All your hopes of one-night stand with a catgirl are dashed when you realize that you could easily end up in jail afterward. Like a diabetic in a candy store, anime cons are full of tasty treats that you just can’t have.

How to avoid them: If you’re lucky, you’re at a con with badges that distinguish between age groups. Then you can just look at your target’s badge and check for legality. Most cons don’t have such handy badges, so you’re pretty much screwed. You’re going to have to ask directly, which can come off as a little shady. Be careful, use a little tact, and hopefully you’ll avoid jail time.

Again, this isn’t the end-all be-all of anime cons. There are a lot of other things wrong with conventions. But, there’s a lot that’s awesome about conventions. To enjoy yourself at a con, just remember what can go wrong, and make sure it doesn’t. There’s no reason why all of the aforementioned should ruin your con as long as you see it coming.

Now, go forth to your first or next convention with this knowledge and have a great time!