It's been pointed out, more than once, that I've been extremely positive with my reviews as of late. And as I am the last ANGRY geek, some of you have gotten the wrong impression. I love good comics but when I come across crap I love to tear it a new a-hole. Keeping that in mind, here's my latest review:

 

ULTIMATES 3

or

WHAT IS THIS CRAP!?!?

 

There was no book more respected in the early 2000s than The ULTIMATES. Despite having the stupidest name ever, Bryan Hitch and Mark Millar joined Marvel's Ultimate Universe with a look at the forming of the Avengers if it had happened today. The book was an ultra-violent look at the cult of celebrity and how it might affect super-heroes. It was critically acclaimed and plagued by lateness issues for its two thirteen issue runs. Finally, Hitch=2 0and Millar departed for a run on FANTASTIC FOUR, and a new creative team was announced.

 

Enter Jeph Loeb, one of the most respected writers on the planet, and Joe Madureira, who at one time was the hottest comic book artist on the planet, pulled out of his exile in the video gaming industry to return for this epic title. What we got was a five issue mess that read like so much action movie filler. Cartoony characters, who were little more than one-dimensional stereotypes of their earlier appearances, engaged in a pointless battle against another book's villains with Loeb's trademark mystery tacked on to provide some semblance of plot. With everything behind it how did it go so wrong?

 

Well, for starters I don't blame Jeph Loeb. I kind of got the feeling that this series was shortened from it's intended run. Both previous volumes were thirteen issues and Loeb has done wonders with twelve issue stories like BATMAN: The LONG HALLOWEEN and BATMAN: HUSH. But this felt like a lot of Loeb's long term payoff plans had to be put aside for another day. In this story we get questions like: How did Valkyrie get her powers? Who is the Black Panther? Who killed the Scarlet Witch? What fe w answers we do get come off as unsatisfying, because the usual clues Loeb peppers in these books to provide the answers are missing. I mentioned his trademark of having a mystery in his stories. Here it's who killed the Scarlet Witch? We get the answer of it being Ultron, but oh wait, no it was Doctor Doom. Even though the Ultron ending kind of made sense, the Doom revelation feels tacked on and un-justified. Moreover there are never any clues pointing to Ultron, just his ultimate confession in the final issue. The whole story just feels rushed and you can sense an editorial mandate practically screaming at Loeb: PUT THIS IN!!! TAKE THAT CHARACTER OUT!!! CHANGE THE ENDING!!!

 

So if Loeb is the poor patsy I fell he is, then who is the true culprit? Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Joe Madureira. Joe M, turned his back on comics awhile ago, and wound up in the video game industry where his main contribution seemed to be doing the box art of the game Darkend Skye. Having been away since 2001, it seems like he'd lost his rythm as his art started coming in late, forcing the book to ship later and later. I'm also sure at some point he told the powers that be at Marvel comics he wanted to return to the game industry to work on a new, awful game for th e PS3. So, the decision was made to cut the title short.

 

But wait, you're asking yourself. The first two ULTIMATE runs were plagued with extreme lateness and nobody ever pulled the plug on Hitch and Millar. Well just like this story, Madureira wasn't the real villain. Like Doctor Doom, someone was pulling the strings. I give you: Joe “Married superheroes are boring” Quesada.

 

You see the Ultimate Universe has become stagnant, meaning sales were down. While once a fountain of new ideas: Spider-man being young and single. The X-men being media celebrities. The Avengers fighting off a Skrull invasion. Most of these ideas had been poached by the proper Marvel Universe. So a shake up was needed to revive interest and drive up sales. The Ultimate Universe would be destroyed and reborn (much like the Wildstorm universe seems to do every six months) in an event called ULTIMATUM. But with the delays on ULTIMATES forcing it back and ULTIMATUM coming, something had to give. And since it's never a good idea to put off making money on a bunch of new books, the one title was cancelled, er, had its run shortened. More than that, the final issue featured several ele ments that would lead into ULTIMATUM.

 

Oh, and guess who was Joe Q's conspirator? You guessed it: Jeph Loeb. Loeb ended up turning a story that basically is a set-up for ULTIMATUM, the very mini-series that he's writing.

 

So to sum up: What was Marvel's best title, was re-launched with an anticipated creative team, that ended up turning out a late, five issue run which gave a piss poor execution of the very concepts that it's writer was famous for. There was a mystery, as in many of Loeb's books, but it was poorly executed with next to no clues given until we're handed a ham-fisted ending who's only true purpose was to set up another mini-series which in turn would relaunch a bunch of other titles.

 

Oy.

 

And I'd like to ask you to give special attention to Joe Madureira's art. While not awful, it should be pointed out that he was popular for his manga-style. It was like he had transformed comic book characters into living, breathing Capcom fighters. But then Capcom itself hasn't been popular since around the time Joe M left so it's understandable that his art feels rushed and a bit amateurish, again I attribute that to his being away from the art form for the last seven years.

 

And the colorist for this book, Christian Lichtner... Oh I'm sorry. He's not a colorist, he's listed as the book's “Digital Painter”. It shows because the characters look like they've been shaded with pastels. Adding shadows and subtle dark blends to Madureira's art, which is more or less, meant to feel two-dimensional and be seen with bright colors. It's really quite an awful combination.

 

All in all ULTIMATES 3 sold a lot of books and made Marvel a lot of money. But in my mind it's an example of missed opportunities and the sort of crass “Let's see how many issues we can sell” mentality that hurts, rather than helps, the industry.

 

Do yourself a favor, save your $15 and go crack open a copy of ASTRO CITY instead. You'll be glad you did.

 

Yours in Geekdom,
The Last ANGRY Geek

 

p.s. Be sure to take a look at my forums here on thatguywiththeglasses.com as occasionally if I read an issue I really like, or even hate, I'll post a review there.