5 Good Horror Movie Remakes

Due to the unrelenting terror that is hollywood horror remakes, which at this point has reached an almost uncountable number in the last few years, I thought that it was important to address a time when not all horror remakes sucked major portions of ass. Problems for recent remakes tend to include being too toned down (PG-13) and dumbed down (Michael Bay produced), too accurate (Psycho from the 1999? Just watch the '60s version), or just goddamn pointless (who in the Hell thought Stepfather was a good idea?). Rarely is there a reason to ever do a remake. If the source material is good enough to warrant a remake, then it should be able to stand alone. If a group of people honestly think they can do better, then why don't they try something original? I guess bigger names come with bigger budgets and bigger payoffs. In light of this, I say to Hell with going to see the shitty ass horror remakes of today. If you see one open in a theater near you, just go out and rent the original. But while you're there, check out what I think is a handful of exceptions:

5. The Blob (1988)

A remake of the 1958 classic, where a meteorite crashes next to a small town and unleashes a blob of death on its inhabitants. That's basically it.

This isn't ground-breaking story telling in any way, so don't expect something spectacular. What makes this movie noteworthy are the balls it carries. Main characters aren't safe, children aren't safe, no one's safe. Throw in creative special effects and some of the best low budget gore this side of the '80s and you have yourself a great movie to show a group of friends late at night.

4. Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)

A remake of The Quiet Family (1998). After Masao gets laid off, he uses his severance pay to buy a guest house that his entire family can run. What started out as an attempt to bring the family together quickly turns into a nightmare as each guest dies in unnatural ways. In an attempt to save the guest house, the family decides to hide the deaths from the public by burying the bodies. In the process, they find themselves tormented by a con-man, a murderer, and... a volcano?

All right, this isn't exactly a horror movie. I'd say calling it a horror comedy might even be a stretch, but that's what the source material was. This movie moves so far away from the source that it's something almost completely and entirely different. It is literally a horror movie, disaster movie, musical, comedy, and drama rolled into one with claymation, random surrealism, and even a karaoke sing-a-long. It's so out there it just seems like it needs to be seen, whether you think you'll like it or not. If you're familiar with the work of Takashi Miike, then all of this should be to no surprise. Despite how weird it is, it completely lacks all of the gore that made Miike a relatively big name, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Check it out if you're in the mood for something completely out of the ordinary, but I must warn you first: a friend of mine, a fan of some of Miike's work, borrowed it and tried to watch it high. It freaked him out so badly that he couldn't finish it and gave it back.

3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

A remake of the 1956 adaption of Jack Finney's classic novel. It focuses Elizabeth Driscoll, who starts to notice several of the city's populace acting peculiar, most notably her boyfriend. Mathew, a friend/co-worker, sends her to a Psychiatrist that tells her it's just her way of dealing with being uncomfortable in her relationship. Meanwhile, Mathew's friend finds a deformed body that resembles him at his mud bathhouse. Mathew then goes to check up on Elizabeth and finds a double of her growing inside her house. He safely gets Elizabeth out of the house, but as they investigate what has happened, they find they're more alone than they once thought.

Sadly, this is one of those movies that has been done so many times (6 by my count), the story has become completely ridiculous. Out of all the movies, I think this is the one most worth seeing, though I haven't and probably will not see all of them. It maintains the original's sense of paranoia well with interesting characters and a slow progression of terror. In addition to this, it adds to the story by showing things not in the original, like showing what happens with the original body after a duplicate takes over. The original seemed to be a bit ambiguous in such areas.

2. The Thing (1982)

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A remake of The Thing from Another World (1951). An American Arctic research team witnesses a dog being followed and attacked by a Norwegian helicopter, which eventually goes down. As the dog approaches members of the team, an occupant of the helicopter shouts in Norwegian and fires at the dog, accidentally wounding one of the American researchers. The commander of the team retaliates by shooting him down and the team takes in the dog. Before long, the dog transforms into a shape-shifting monster and hides by mimicking members of the research team.

The second film adaption of John W. Campbell, Jr.'s "Who Goes There?" was closer to the source material and quite possibly the best horror movie ever made. A disappointing performance at the box office made many forget about this film until its home video release. Since then, it's developed quite the following and with good reason.

There are two reasons why this movie is on the list. The first is because of the paranoid suspense. The alien can disguise itself as anyone it comes into contact with. There isn't anything much scarier than being trapped in the middle of nowhere while knowing that at least one member if not your entire team is a creature capable of ripping you apart in an instant. There is no security when you're trying to band together with everyone that's a suspect. It's truly terrifying. The second reason is the special effects. Half of this movie is the suspenseful "fear what you can't see" approach, while the other is a brilliant, pre-CGI gorefest. These are some of the best costumes I have ever seen. They went all out making it as realistic and terrifyingly exaggerated at the same time.

Plans for a sequels, a prequel, and a remake have all been talked about, but I haven't come across anything confirmed. Hopefully they'll just leave it as it is.

1. The Fly (1986)

A remake of a 1958 version with the same name. A journalist runs into an eccentric scientist who tells her that he's working on something that'll change the world. She goes with him back to his laboratory so he can show her his invention in person. Though in a primitive state, he has found a way to create telepods that can instantly transport something from one location to another. She agrees to document his efforts to perfect this device. After eventually succeeding in transporting a baboon, he plans for a romantic evening with the journalist, but she leaves before they can celebrate. Drunk and alone, he decides to teleport himself, but the process is intruded upon by a common housefly.

This remake is pretty different from the original movie and short story. It starts with an intriguing science fiction story with likeable characters and a romance you want to watch succeed, but slowly derails into a nightmare you don't want to see happen. Like other amazing horror movies, this doesn't seem to start out as one. Characters are developed surprisingly well before the horror begins, and even that comes at a slow pace. Each terrifying development still manages to make you cringe while building up to a horrifying conclusion. This masterpiece is visually stunning with low budget effects not for the squeamish. I watched the climax at a young age and it became one of my earliest memories.